"The Last Dinosaur" (1977) d/ Alex Grasshoff, Tom Kotani

I couldn't wait for Friday night to arrive, when my seven year old eyes came upon the above advertisement for tonight's review in that week's TV Guide, impressive as all Hell to a little dinosaur-friendly bastard like I was at the time, with the Tyrant Lizard topping my list of faves. Co-starring with Toru Kawai in a baggy Japanese kaiju suit (the quadrupedal dinosaurs are handled by two actors,  pantomime horse-style!) are the likes of Richard "I Bury the Living" Boone, Joan Van Ark in her most challenging role ever (she's got to kiss Richard Boone), Steven Keats, and a whole tribe of Japanese cavemen.


"Unplug the projector, Bunta. I've got you covered!"
After a catchy Bond-esque theme song belted out by Nancy Wilson (the jazz vocalist, not the "Crazy on You" chick), we meet Masten Thrust (Richard Boone), as he's entertaining a young concubine with his exploits as the last great white hunter, in his curio room, filled with taxidermied big game from all over the world. After he's bagged her on his private Leer with a functional fireplace, he sends her packing with a solid gold bullet as a memento. It's love 'em and leave 'em for Thrust, as he's about to embark on his latest adventure: a trip directly into the pocket of a polar ice cap inside an amphibious drill called the Polar Borer, naturally, with a crack accompanying team consisting of Dr. Kawamoto, who'll be gathering samples, Chuck Wade (Steven Keats), the lone survivor of the last mission,  who will provide ample back-sass and complaints and get called a ding dong for his efforts, a savvy photographer named "Frankie" (Joan Van Ark) who actually pretends to be sexually attracted to Thrust to land a seat, and a Maasai tracker named Bunta (Luther Rackley).


Racial stereotypes: Still funny enough for tv audiences in 1977.
After Thurst and Frankie are nearly trampled by a pantomime uintatherium, a saggy T-Rex with a lopsided face sneaks up on Kawamoto and squashes him like a bug before prodding and pushing their drill-ride back all the way back to the dinosaur bone yard set it calls home. The stranded Thrust, a seasoned hunter, loses his rifle in minutes, yells an awful lot, murders the Japanese caveman chief with a makeshift crossbow bolt, pushes around his new Japanese cave squeeze, Hazel (Masumi Sekiya), and even builds an elaborate catapult that has no effect on the monster's flexible latex skull. Frankie never runs out of makeup (months later) and the gang play Hot Potato with a plucked chicken while the tyrannosaur has a bloody battle with a pantomime Triceratops, and eventually adds Bunta to his list of victims, before Wade and Frankie realize that Thrust is finally in his element, and has no intention of returning to civilization with them after Wade stumbles upon the Polar Borer and improbably Fitzcarraldo's it back to the lagoon with her help. In a revolting last ditch effort,  Frankie offers to be Eve to Thrust's Adam (Adam's grandfather, more like), but the stubborn hunter, the real last dinosaur, is left behind with his hairy arm candy and we're left with a refrain of that aforementioned theme over end credits.


"...The fuck just pierced my cardiac muscle?"
Though a seven year old me undoubtedly dug the shit out of tonight's review, thirty-seven years have left me more critical to the mostly laughable affair. The Tsubaraya Productions suit-mation isn't quite up to the late Eiji's standards, with it's spotlight T-Rex suit not on par with Toho's earlier Gorosaurus, but slightly more impressive than the Allosaurus puppet on Land of the Lost, which isn't saying much, really, considering the suit is the best one on display in the movie. If you listen carefully (and you've seen as many Toho movies as I have), you can hear that the dinosaur's roar is a combination of Gargantua/King Kong and Godzilla. On the scale, I gave Dinosaur two Wops for the nostalgic kick I got out of it and also, for the memorably cantankerous Boone performance. Worth a look.


Looks like a Tricera-bottoms to me.

"Mad Monster Party?"(1967)d/Jules Bass

For horror fanatics like myself,and most of you out there,when Rankin/Bass comes up in conversation,animated classics like "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer","Frosty the Snowman",or "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" aren't first to come to mind.Instead,we instantly think of tonight's fantastic stop motion entry.At a time in the sixties when classic monsters were enjoying a renewed popularity,the duo produced this ani-masterpiece with a screenplay by Mad Magazine's own Jack Kurtzman,based on characters created by master artist and Comic Book Hall of Fame inductee,Jack Davis,who drew for E.C. Comics,Mad,and developed the characters for the animated King Kong television series,during his enormously prolific career.Voices for the puppets were provided by iconic horror legend Boris Karloff,Gale "We'll Sing in the Sunshine" Garnett,Allen Swift,and the always amazing Phyllis Diller(!),pretty much as herself.The film boasts of a lively and fun soundtrack,with the tremendous title track sung by American jazz legend Ethel Ennis.Served up with Kurtzman's usual dark brand of humor,the film is geared more towards adults than kids,with a lot of the inside jokes sailing right over youngsters' heads as they remained glued to the amazing puppetry within.Rumor had it that Famous Monsters of Filmland maven,Forrest J. Ackerman had a hand in the blatantly Forry-esque dialogue,but this has been denied on many occasions.Party? has gone down in history as an absolute classic that remains as fresh today as it was upon release.In fact,it's hard not to see the influence this film had on director Tim Burton's body of work,Vincent,A Nightmare Before Christmas,and Corpse Bride,in particular.I had this review lined up back in the early days of the Wop in 2007,but got sidetracked somehow,never getting around to it until here and now.

The Baron(Boris Karloff)discovers the formula for Hai Karate cologne.
Baron von Frankenstein(Karloff),after creating a vial of total destruction(which would later materialize as the films of Uwe Boll) in his laboratory,decides to step down and retire from the horror business,leaving his position at the head of the creepy coalition to his nerdy nephew,the four-eyed Felix Flanken(Swift),who works as a common soda jerk at the pharmacy.The Baron,with the help of his grovelling assistant,Yetch(Swift),sends out invitations to all the monsters for a party at his secluded island digs that will put an exclamation point on his illustriously eerie career.His sultry lab assistant,Francesca(Garnett),plans to do in the Baron's nephew when he arrives and take over herself,if she can keep Yetch from fawning over her.Methodically,the cast of creatures arrive for the party:The Monster and his Mate(Diller),Count Dracula,the Mummy,The Creature from the Black Lagoon,the Werewolf,Dr.Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde,the Invisible Man and finally young Felix,who's nearsightedness and allergies hinder him from the reality that he's among a myriad of monsters!

Francesca(Gale Garnett)has some doll-icious bobblers,eh,Baron?
As the party begins,the guests are served approrpiately appalling hors d'oevres by stereotypically Italian Chef Mafia Machiavelli(har-har-har),and treated to a musical serenade by Little Tibia and the Fibias(Dyke and the Blazers),a skeletal rock group with Beatles wigs.The Monster's Mate sings "You're Different"(my personal theme song),complete with "Bleeeccccch"s and "Yeeeeeeccccch"s to her patchwork partner,before cutting rug with the Mummy as the band dedicates their song "Do The Mummy" to the wrapped-up chap.When the monsters get wind of the Baron's stepping down,Count Dracula organizes the gruesome group into a lynch mob,chasing Felix into the surrounding wooded swamp.Francesca finds herself falling in love with the Baron's nephew,and helps him to escape.Just when the ghastly gaggle of ghouls have the duo surrounded,"It" shows up as an uninvited party crasher,scooping all the guests up into his primate paws,and when the Baron's team of ghouls-in-biplanes prove ineffectual against the monstrous monkey,he kamikazes into "It" with his vial of total destruction,obliterating himself and all the monsters,and blowing up his island retreat in the process as his nephew and assistant row away to safety.Francesca reveals that she is a robot,created by Frankenstein in his lab,and Felix returns the volley,revealing that he was,also.

Bleeeeccch!The Monster's Mate(Phyllis Diller)ponders her future as center Hollywood Square.
In 1972 Rankin/Bass produced a Halloween special called "Mad,Mad,Mad Monsters",a sort of unoffical sequel to tonight's entry that featured most of the same characters(including an imiation of Boris Karloff who died in 1969),but utilizing cel animation rather than their signature stop motion work,it failed to generate the same interest and has since all but vanished from the radar.Party? looked to suffer the same fate,condemned to late night television screenings until the home video era signalled its rebirth.The 2009 Special Edition DVD is the ultimate to date,loaded with commentaries,a documentary,and other great extra features.In 1998 a CD of the soundtrack finally surfaced for the first time.At the time of this writing,Warner Brothers plans a remake of this classic,possibly done in CGI like so much animation is handled these days.My favorite of all the Rankin/Bass works,I throw it on at least once a year and relive all the ghastly glory.Mad Monster Party? pours an unknown liquid into a test tube,and when mixed with the wopsploitation scale,produces the formula for four wops,the highest possible rating.Highly recommended.

Bearing a striking resemblance to Willis O'Brien's 1933 creation,It has the whole consortium of creeps in its mitts.