Showing posts with label Stuart Whitman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stuart Whitman. Show all posts

Friday, May 16, 2014

"Welcome to Arrow Beach" (1974) d/ Laurence Harvey

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This lost seventies slasher/ "Psycho" clone would be the last movie appearance for former top shelf British actor Laurence Harvey, who also directed and allegedly edited  the picture from a phone on his death bed, as he lie dying of stomach cancer that would claim his life at forty-five, six months before the film saw an official release. It would be re-released two years later, under the title Tender Flesh, and the Magnetic Video VHS of the film interestingly stands as the second horror movie ever released on the then-virgin media format. Instead of Walter Pidgeon and Donna Reed co-starring as advertised (under the working title Yellow-Headed Summer, a year earlier),  the likes of Meg Foster, Stuart Whitman, John Ireland, and Joanna Pettet appear instead, to help Harvey complete his final, somewhat bloody cinematic vision.

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"This your bag of shnoz rockets, pinko hippie?", ask the tolerant cops.
Robbin Stanley (Meg Foster) is a happenin' hippie hitchhiker making her way across California, who's latest ride is a coked-out charmer in a banana yellow Model A ("Nice mams!" is his opening line) who leads the police on a high-speed chase that ends in a construction zone crash. Despite their conservative drape leanings, the cops let her go, even after finding an eight ball of coke tucked away under the eight track player. She nonchalantly wanders from the crash site onto Arrow Beach, where she skinny dips under the watchful camera lens of one Jason Henry (Laurence Harvey), who lives in a nearby mansion with his sister, Grace (Joanna Pettet). Jason takes the stray in, amid jealous protest from his sister, feeds her a juicy steak*, and gives her hippie ass a much needed bubble bath. Though Robbin is grooving on Jason's wealth and seems receptive to the idea of giving him some poonany, he louses it up when his incessant late night whacking at slabs of human meat in the basement with an oversized cleaver sends the teenager, bloody and hysterical, screaming from the premises.

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Spray that brush burn with some mercurochrome or it'll scar up on you...
With Robbin laid up in the hospital with an arm she injured while climbing out a basement window, Jason reports the incident to the police, destroying her credibility with some planted leftover anti-psychotics in her handbag from a flashback stint in Korean War that he survived through cannibalism. Grace, not only his loyal sibling but also his incestuous lover (like, bleeech, dudes), helps validate his story to Deputy Rakes (Stuart Whitman, who'd seemingly scored as many police roles as Claude Akins by this point), who naturally believes her, sending Robbin out of town on the first available bus, on the promise that she never return. Meanwhile, Jason takes in a weatherbeaten old hooker (burlesque star Gloria LeRoy) who'd been raped and jacked by a biker on the beach outside his mansion, and while snapping some profile shots of her, he introduces his sizable cleaver to the shoot, and makes a real mess of things. Robbin hitches a ride back to Arrow Beach, to the apartment of a young med tech named Alex (David Macklin), and they descend upon the very basement for proof of Jason's misdeeds that night...

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Cleaver-hacked old hooker for dinner tonight, again?
When the movie was picked up from Warner Brothers by Brut (Thanks, Faberge'. I enjoy slasher movies and your shaving cream...), they excised nearly fifteen minutes from the print, and most of the cannibalism elements, though it's interesting to note that Tobe Hooper released his legendary cannibal epic, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre the same year. Even more surprisingly, perhaps, the loungey-sounding title track was crooned by none other than Lou Rawls (!), putting to rest the idea I used to have that he'd only had one song, "You're Gonna Miss My Lovin' ", that he sang repeatedly, for years and years. You live and learn, I guess. Beautiful Pa. native Meg Foster and her icy blue eyes would later turn up in things like John Carpenter's They Live(1988) and Niko Mastorakis' The Wind (1986). As it stands, there's no official dvd or Blu-ray release of this one yet, and there really ought to be, as it's a tense little blood-splashed thriller that merits a respectable deuce on the scale. Hunt a print down for yourselves.

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"...What a horrible picture, man, he shoulda had his f-stop much lower...and just look at that light fall off..."
*probably not steak at all.
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Sunday, April 20, 2014

"Demonoid- Messenger of Death" (1981) d/ Alfredo Zacarias

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I can't remember where I first saw the 'Holy Fuck!' of a one-sheet for tonight's review, either in the once-glorious movie section of the New York Post or the pages of Variety, but I'm pretty sure my thoughts were along the lines of : They're gonna have a helluva time living up to the amount of rule in that poster, what with screaming chicks and slave girls in gold bikinis grovelling at the feet of a bellicose Baelzebub, holding a sword aloft, like some visual interpretation of a Venom lp. Hell, I never even paid much mind to the groping severed mitt above the title. With the constant geyser of horror flicks being released at the time, this Mexican-American cheapie soon fell off my pre-teen radar, and it wasn't until the Media VHS later found it's way into my Panasonic top loader that I fully realized how dead on, balls accurate my original thoughts turned out to be...

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"I can't see where you are on the sound stage with this damned fog machine...wave your sword, Satan!"
We're treated to a subterranean pre-title sequence where a hooded cult of kooks subdues an fiesty blonde and chains her to a wall before hacking her left hand off with an axe (her top comes off first, for good measure, of course). The mysterious cultist then skewers the disembodied hand on a knife blade as it tries to finger-creep the fuck outta there, placing the hand in the empty left hand shaped box, that looked like it could use a new left hand...yeah, you get the idea. Fast forward to Guanajuato, Mexico (no wrestling this time, I promise), where Jen Baines is visiting her husband Mark (Samantha Eggar,  Roy Jones) at his mine, where the terrified local workers refuse to enter, superstitious that it's haunted. With Scooby and the gang unavailable on such short notice, the couple descends into the mine's depths themselves only to discover a secret chamber when Jen leans into a tentative pile of styrofoam rocks, complete with a sacrificial altar to the devil, and the aforementioned severed-left-hand-in-the-devil's-left-hand-box from the intro. Mark straight ganks the unholy mitt from it's final resting place to prove to the simple fools that the legends hold no water. Guess what happens next...

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"I don't wanna sleeeeep, I juss wanna keep on lovin' youuuuuuuu..."
The dust inside the hand box time-lapses back into the rubbery devil's digits, which make their way out of the metal box with the grace of a phony chicken before copping a cheap feel of Jen's calves, and then possessing her husband's own left hand, which then recklessly pushes the plunger on some dynamite, sealing his workers in the mine, then driving off in his wife's Volkswagen Thing, which is still parked in the very next shot. Oh sweet continuity! The hand wins him some folding money at a Vegas crap table before squashing the faces of a pair of local extortionists and dumping a gas can over Mark's head, finally burning him like Megatron does to the Chicago defensive backfield on a game-to-game basis. By now, you know the routine. Ol' scratch possesses the left hands of  everyone from black police officers, who hilariously demand anesthetic-free gore-soaked amputation at gun point ("Either you cut my hand off, or I'll kill you!"), to fat Dr. Mustache, who uses train tracks to release himself from his homicidal lefty, which hitches a ride on the passing train afterwards. Jen confides in a guardian priest named Father Cunningham (Whitman), asking him at one point: "Do you believe there's a hand?", to which he replies, "I believe there's something." That makes one of us...

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"Devil's hand?? Don't be silly, that's my new barrette!"
Russ Meyer favorite, Haji shows up here in a cameo as a gangster's moll. It's hard to believe that in this day and age where, seemingly, every last horror movie ever made, no matter how insignificant, gets lovingly restored and released in a SE dvd/BluRay by somebody, that tonight's flick hasn't seen an official disc yet. Still, it won't likely bump "...And Now The Screaming Starts"(1973), "Dr. Terror's House of Horrors"(1963), or "The Beast With Five Fingers"(1946) as your fave crawling hand movie, by any means, and with zero scares, unintentionally hilarious dialog, and shoddy editing outweighing some passable gore and a decent synthy soundtrack that reeks of the period, yer 'ol pal B.W. is forced to hold up his own favored left with one finger on display, while his right hits the stop button on the remote.

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"...and then Jesus took his flame thrower...again he gave you thanks and praise..."
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