There, there, all ye alienated sex kittehs of the world, your costumes may be too slutty for the moral majority, but you can always trick and treat, judgment-free, from the warm safety of my lap.

 My digs is a no-fly zone for hags, even on Halloween. Any witches resembling Cynthia from D.C.'s Witching Hour horror anthology series (1969-78) are strongly encouraged to disregard that last statement.

 David Lynch's ability to direct a movie and sing a song are inversely proportional.

 Jordan Peele: I just made the dumbest movie of the year.

M. Night Shyamalan: Hold my cocktail.

 What the hell is 'mansplaining'? As a man, I do what I do, and it is what it is. No explanations necessary, and none offered.

Games impossible w/o a paddle:

 "Super Breakout" and "Who's been a recalcitrant little slut, then?"

 Abolire il mio cazzo.

 #ColumbusDay

Getting my mind to wind down for the evening is like wrestling a pissed off two hundred fifty-pound halibut onboard a flimsy canoe with one's own bare hands. Rarely uneventful, is what I'm saying... 

Tonight, a Wop-o-vision exclusive:

 Ten Times Down, Nine Times Up: The Natalie Wood Story

 My first goatee, in 1974, was made of orange drink and cookies.

 Chuck Norris only lost ten matches in tournament competition, his other thirty-eight losses came while attempting to deliver scripted dialogue in films.

 Joys, delights, laughter and sports, and sorrows, griefs, despondency, and lamentations. Hippocrates said it'd be like this.