Simply the finest Bigfoot gore movie ever made.
Though I've given this cult classic one measly B.W. for its low budget,horrible acting,lazy gore effects,and ridiculous plotline,its merits far outweigh its shortcomings as the guiltiest of pleasures.Here lies the holy grail of Bigfoot movies,immersed in grue-stained glory,unapologetically stating for the world, that the legendary monster of the northwest woods is no gentle giant,by anyone's standards,but in fact,a psychotic,murderous anthropoid driven by hate, with a taste for god-fearing redneck pussy.The first time you sit through it,you will not believe your eyes.What transpires on screen is exploitation gold.
No,dammit!I want TERROR not CONFUSION,you bubblehead!
The authorities want to ask questions to a dying patient at the local hospital,whose face has been torn clear from the bone,as evidenced by the white handkerchief the doctors have kindly tied around the lower half of his face,bandido-style.Though he's surely a goner,he manages to recall the horrifying events leading up to that day,via flashback...An adventurous professor appropriately named Nugent,with a case of 'Squatch Scratch Fever,interests his class in a little good natured cryptozoology by introducing them to the daughter of a man who mysteriously disappeared recently amidst unexplained circumstances(Bigfoot tore his arm off and beat him with it before his bloody armless socket could fill the signature footprint with arterial spray and lead us into the hokey title sequence),and an unknown last film of a missing family which gives rise to belief that Bigfoot may indeed be responsible for their disappearance as well.Baiting these collegiate knowledge-seekers(all of which look as though they're in their early thirties)proves too easy,and several volunteer to accompany the Nuge into the wilderness in search of the murderous Mo-Mo.Upon setting up camp three feet from someone's residence in their backyard,the good professor further adds to the lurid legend by relating more stories of Bigfoot's bloodlust,picking up a sleeping camper and spinning his sleeping bag wildly over his head,before flinging it into a tree,where a sharp branch manages to impale the backpacker.A travelling biker stops in the woods by the side of the highway to fire up a convenient spleefie and take a discreet piss,when Sasquatch interrupts him to lift him off the ground by his manhood and abruptly rend it from his body.Obviously,Nugent deducts,"Bigfoot's not playing games anymore."
Bigfoot shows a camper how much he hates sleeping bags.
On another occasion,two young lovebirds have parked their groovy makeout van in the forest for some privacy while they ball to their hearts' content,when Bigfoot decides to cockblock the couple by bloodying the man up on the van's roof,leaving the nude bouffant-coiffed non-actress to slink into the corner of the vehicle,and struggle to emote the correct facial expressions while phony screams are piped in.Finally,after what seems like an embarrassing eternity,the director spares us further suffering and freeze frames on the dated whore's expressionless eye.Scaaaaary.Later,our angry anthropoid takes out a pair of lost girl scouts(who more resemble '70s Hustler pinup girls with girl scout t-shirts),by stabbing each of them repeatedly with the other's knife,still in hand!Outrageous!The eager would-be anthropolgists set out to rummage for evidence in the woods and clues from the local townsfolk,instead uncovering something even more peculiar.The backstory of one "Crazy Wanda"...
Bigfoot also hates bikers who stop in the woods to take a piss.
As if being labelled "Crazy Wanda" wasn't enough of a psychological burden,the backwoods belle ends up having endured years of abuse by her puritanical hayseed paw,and spends her evenings being the center of weird religious ceremonies in the woods.Our fearless gang of Bigfoot busters free her from one such ritual,and follow her to her shotgun shack in the dense forest,putting her under hypnosis(!) and finding out she was RAPED BY BIGFOOT years earlier and had sired his bastard child(!!!) which looks like a miniature black minstrel(If Al Jolson were alive today,there'd be such a lawsuit...),and her paw ashamedly buried near the family shack.The gang now knows why 'Squatch repeatedly visits his ex-girlfriend.It's one of these violent social calls that our heroes haplessly find themselves caught in the middle of,when Sasquatch shows up and beats six shades of shit out of them,one by one,in dazzling slo-motion.Guts are pulled out,heads are removed,people get skewered,and the good prof gets his face stir fried on a hot plate.A veritable cornucopia of gore-o'licious fun for even the most discerning of bloody palates.We then return to the hospital where the doctors write off hanky faced Nuge as a permanent tenant at the local squirrel farm.Bigfoot-One, wanna-be Cryptozoologists-Goose eggs.
Bigfoot hates entrails,but only when they're inside your belly.
Wasson's lost cult classic is unlike any of the various other 'Squatch entries we'll look at here, in that he plays the whole absurd film out with the gore control cranked to eleven.By no means a great(or even good) movie,but a must-see(and a must-own if you can scrounge up a rare copy on dvd)chock full o' outrageous laughs and splattery goodness for anybody who gets their kicks out of such film-fodder.Various dvd-r boots and an alleged bare bones official release are floating around out there,but none any better where quality is concerned than my own personal custom "back up copy".So pack up your sleeping bag,canteen,lean-to,and plaster of paris,it's an extra credit weekend in Bigfoot country,but be forewarned:
"Bigfoot's not playing games anymore."-Professor Nugent
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