"Burnt Offerings"(1976)d/Dan Curtis

Get into your pajamas,kids,mom is popping up some Jiffy Pop.Pull up a spot on the big rug in front of the wood grain Zenith floor model television,and stop putting the Slime with Worms on your sister.The way back machine stops in 1976 tonight,and the focus is on yet another classic piece of horror by the late master,Dan Curtis.He may be remembered best for "Dark Shadows",but to sleep on his dizzying seven year horror run from 1968-'75 is criminal,and punishable here at the Wop with headphones blaring Oliver Reed's musical numbers from "Tommy" on repeat,duct taped to your domepiece until you lose your bearings,your mind,or both.Regulars here know full well the degree to which I dig all things Curtis,and tonight's offering to the gods of cinema is one of the finest examples.Winner of three Saturn Awards in 1977(Best Horror Film,Best Director,and Best Supporting Actress for iconic Bette Davis),and three more at Sitges(Best Director,Best Actor and Actress for Reed and Black,respectively),Offerings is a classic haunted house story,based on the 1973 novel of the same name,its memorable shocker ending,standard issue for most Curtis vehicles,usually comes to mind first for those who recall seeing this one,way back when.

Aunt Elizabeth(Bette Davis)opens wide to eat backbone-cracking,hallucinatory sliding coffin death.Ben(Oliver Reed),on the other hand,isn't as hungry.
The Rolfs(Black,Reed)inquire about renting a spacious Victorian mansion from the Allardyce siblings(Eileen Heckart,Burgess Meredith) for the summer.For nine hundred dollars the palatial estate is theirs,but for a few bizarre requests:they must care for the pair's mother,a reclusive old woman perpetually locked away in her room upstairs,and they must promise to love the house.Patriarch Ben is reluctant to enter into the strange agreement at first,but is soon talked into it by his wife Marian.The couple then moves in with their young son David and Ben's eldery aunt Elizabeth(Davis)in tow,a plethora of upkeep and restorative chores ahead of them.Marian is instantaneously enamored with the antique decor of the living room directly outside Mrs. Allardyce's locked bedroom,a table full of dusty framed pictures of people from varying time periods and quaint music box first on her checklist.Ben and his boy quickly get the inground pool back up to specs,but when they take a celebratory swim together,he's suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to hurt the child,violently roughhousing and holding him underwater as his aunt looks on helplessly in terror.Meanwhile,his wife spends more and more time upstairs outside the locked bedroom,tirelessly polishing pictures,and even dressing in Victorian era clothes,all while resisting her husband's late night amorous advances.Things get progressively worse as Ben is recurringly haunted by visions of a childhood funeral and uber-creepy pale,grinning hearse driver.Then,one night he is forced to break into David's room to find his son unconscious while gas dangerously leaks out into his room while the windows are jarred shut,which Marian later blames on Aunt Elizabeth and her increasing forgetfulness.The old woman,heartbroken by the accusations,sinks into a state of depressive illness,which kills her right under her nephew's nose,as he's too busy having nightmarish visions of his hearse driver slamming an empty coffin into his aunt's bed.

Marian(Karen Black)morphs into Mother Allardyce,who isn't very nice.
After Elizabeth's funeral,Ben is convinced the house is somehow responsible for the recent accidents and his aunt's death,but his wife refuses to leave,regardless of his theories.He even bears witness to the estate shedding old siding and roof tiles,and repairing itself(!),which proves too much for the man to take.When he tries to drive off the property with his hysterical son riding shotgun,the surrounding foliage physically stops his car and entwines itself around the man.During his escape attempt his injuries leave him in a state of catatonia,only snapping out of it as the pool comes to life and vast,crashing waves attempt to drown his son.After Marian sees the pool's murderous intent,she dives in and saves her boy's life,finally vowing to leave the bizarre property with her family while they're still breathing.As they're about to drive off,she stops to go back and tell Mrs. Allardyce goodbye and where the old woman can reach her after they've gone.Ben,impatient from waiting in the car with his son,goes inside afterward to find his wife,who has taken on the personna of Mrs. Allardyce upstairs in the locekd room,and throws her husband out one of the windows where he faceplants through the car windshield.David tries to flee the car himself,but is crushed to death by a crumbling chimney.The Allardyce siblings return to the estate,remarking of its restored beauty,and their mother's return.On the old woman's table upstairs,photos of Ben,Elizabeth,and David have joined all the others in her collection...

I hear that In and Out Auto Glass in Oakland does nice work.
Stephen King admits drawing heavy inspiration for his own "The Shining" from this book/movie,and it's pretty hard not to notice,revisiting it for the first time myself in decades recently.Curtis changed the ending from the novel to include the spectacular windshield faceplant and chimney avalanche,but stayed pretty faithful to the Bob Morasco book otherwise.The ten time Oscar nominated Dame Bette complained of trouble on the set with Karen Black not paying her the respect she deserved.Better act like you know,Karen-baby.If you can score yourself a copy of this little dittie,by all means,do it with all speed.If you're into unsettling haunted house-based horror,Curtis' take on the supernatural subject matter will quickly vault itself to the top of your favorites list.Overall,a satisfyingly solid effort packed with scares,that merits a Wop scale rating of:

Hey,"The Shining",are you feeling inspired yet?

"Dead of Night"(1977)d/Dan Curtis

I shouldn't have to tell you how rad it was being a kid in the 1970's with Dan Curtis(Dark Shadows,Night Stalker,Trilogy of Terror,Burnt Offerings,etc.) churning out ample made-for-television horror pics, but I think I just did anyway, so we've got that covered.This particular entry,sharing name only with another Curtis pilot from 1969 was a pilot for a proposed anthology series that aired in March of '77.Horror anthologies are a lot like lengths of chain,in that they're only as effective as the weakest link therein.Of course, when you've got horror author extraordinaire,Richard Matheson(who wrote the two standout stories here and penned the screenplay from a Jack Finney story for the other) sitting at the typewriter, chances are, you're gonna make out alright in the end.Though this is one of his lesser known pieces,it remains surprisingly effective for the most part,and is an enjoyable 75 minute ride of reminiscence to the days when horror was,indeed,king,even on the small screen,and Curtis was one of its biggest proponents.I vividly remember quite a few goosebumps this one sent under my footie pajamas back then.

Ed Begley Jr. plus 1926 Jordan Playboy divided by slip in the time continuum still equals not scary.
The first tale,"Second Chance",although an otherwise interesting story for sure,is the weakest of the three in knocking horri-balls outta the park.Ed Begley,Jr. restores a vintage 1926 Jordan Playboy to original showroom condition and while taking her for a leisurely spin,he drives right through a pesky slip in the time continuum and finds himself in 1926.While walking around his town some fifty years in the past,someone seemingly steals his car,forcing him to walk back to the present time.Gotta hate when that happens.His girlfriend's grandfather surprises him with the prospect of...a rusty 1926 Jordan Playboy in his garage that he can restore and have if he allows the old man one more ride in her.Are you shaking in your booties yet? Yeah,me neither. Next.
"No Such Thing as a Vampire" is an atmospheric gothic piece(Curtis' bread and butter,if ya didn't know)where we find Patrick Macnee as a wealthy nobleman whose wife is being drained nightly by an unseen bloodsucker.When he calls in a skeptical friend of the family for help,all is not as it seems in the spacious mansion,leading the viewer to an unexpectedly satisfying twist ending as only Matheson can deliver.Much,much better.

On Patrick's wife Horst set his aim,but Elisha had a different stake to claim.
The final story,"Bobby",is my favorite of the three and the one I have the fondest memories of,from watching as a wee mediterranean.Joan Hackett,who's lost her son in a drowning "accident",turns to the blackest of arts to restore life in her beloved child,whose body was never found.When she gets what she asks for,and her son appears on the doorstep,still soaking wet,she unwittingly sets a dark game of cat and mouse into play,where her son stalks her all over the house amidst a brutal thunderstorm.The lightning offsets the shadowy darkness of the huge estate,the tension building to a crescendo in unison with the violent storm outside as Bobby reveals a terrible secret.Her son killed himself rather than live with her,and not wanting to return to the land of the living,sent a demon instead!And not just any demon,we're talking the creepiest of demonic midgets here.If you're one of those people who get freaked out by little people in the first place,expect your skin to crawl right off the bone by the climax of this one.Cough,cough...Skittles.

Demonic midgets?Phew,that's just blowing the lid off the creepometer over here.
Although this pilot went the same way as Curtis' "The Norliss Tapes"(1973)(which we'll be dissecting shortly,little brothers),it packs enough thrills in the second two-thirds to merit at least a few viewings,for sure.Though we lost Curtis to a brain tumor three years ago,at the age of 78,his vast body of work for both the big and small screen remains at our disposal and will continue to terrify and entertain horror fans for decades to come.He'll always be a favorite director of mine,and this entry is a fine example of his handiwork.On the glorious scale du Wop,it merits a very satisfactory:

Ahem.You see that, Skittles?

House of Dark Shadows(1970)d/Dan Curtis

Dan Curtis,master of television horror,the man responsible for 1,225 episodes of the groundbreaking hit gothic soap opera,Dark Shadows,successfully took his act to the big screen in 1970,spawning a sequel a year later(coming soon to this site,keep your eyes peeled!).Essentially a condensed cinematic version of four years worth of the same tv hijinks he'd been serving up Shadows fans,the film is an enjoyable if somewhat predictable vampire romp for anyone who loved the show,packed with a few bloody sequences and adequate performances from all involved.The only glaring complaint I can manage is the one brush stroke characterization of most major characters from the show may leave those unfamiliar with the soap opera scratching their heads before too long.

Someone's been raising cane around Collinwood.
Willie Loomis(Daughters of Darkness' John Karlen),handyman for the Collinwood(turned Collins-Stoddard)clan,searches for the missing Collins jewels in the family crypt.He stumbles onto a chain-laden coffin,and upon opening it unwittingly frees a 200 year old vampire from his cursed resting place.At the same time as bodies begin popping up near the estate,the family is paid a visit by their cousin Barnabas from England(who's a dead ringer for the Barnabas Collins who lived some 200 years earlier...hmmm),even producing the lost family jewels as a gift and requesting a stay in the old mansion next door.He turns cousin Carolyn into a vampire,but notices governess Maggie's uncanny resemblance to his lost love Josette,and focuses on rekindling his old flame.Carolyn,jealous and bitter,tries to turn her brother David into a blooddrinker,earning her a stake through the heart at the hands of Professor Stokes(a professor who almost instantly buys into the concept of modern-day vampires,fancy that!).

Barnabas Collins(Jonathan Frid)prepares to plant a vampiric hickey.
Dr. Hoffman(Grayson Hall) inspects the vampire's victims,and manages to isolate a bacteria that causes the illness,and before too long discovers Barnabas' secret identity,offering him a cure for the curse that has plagued him for two centuries.This treatment allows Collins to walk in the sunlight and quells his blood hunger after a while,but when Hoffman gets wind of his plans for Maggie,she gets jealous and overdoses him on the drug,causing him to age 200 years in minutes!Barnabas kills the doctor and goes on a rampage,killing nearly everybody and turning them into vampires,before planning his wedding with his reincarnated beloved,leaving only Maggie's boyfriend Jeff and Willie to rush to thwart the vampire's scheme at the conclusion of the film,which you'll have to watch for the action packed details...

Carolyn(Nancy Barrett)has matters of the heart at stake.Ouch.
Some have slagged off the big screen adaption of the hit series,but in my opinion,it actually improves on the tv show,in production values and special effects,both sorely lacking during the soap's early days.Curtis' sequel Night of Dark Shadows was a sort of swan song for the Dark Shadows phenomenon,and that same year,1971,marked the end.The series itself enjoyed a rebirth on videotape in the 90's,although neither film has been released on dvd at the time of this writing.I'm giving the first film:

Barnabas is not all pleased with the turnout at his wedding.