"Late Phases" (2014) d/ Adrian Garcia Bogliano

We've had werewolves in girl's dormitories, American werewolves in London and Paris, werewolves on a train,  werewolves in Woodstock and Washington, and now, finally, we've got werewolves in a retirement community. Wait, what? Read on, I promise it's a lot cooler than it may initially sound. As we close in on the death knell of another summer month here at the Wop, our subject tonight falls once again upon lycanthropy, in an independent film by Spanish genre proponent, Adrian Garcia Bogliano, whose work can be examined in previous efforts like The ABC's of Death (2012), Here Comes the Devil (2012), and 2010's The Accursed. Here's how the story goes...


"I'm sick of blind 'Nam vets who ain't got their shit together!", complains Delores (Karen Lynn Gorney).
After being dumped off in a retirement community by his son, a 'Nam vet named Ambrose (Nick Damici) who's as stubborn as he is blind,  and his faithful seeing eye dog, a German Shepard named Shadow, meet their friendly new next door neighbor, Delores (Karen Lynn Gorney),  and some other local snooty elitist in an elderly clique of bitches, named Gloria (Rutanya Alda),  Emma (Caitlin O'Heaney), and Clarissa (Tina Louise), respectively, before settling in to their new digs for the very first time that night. Just when he'd planned on briefly stagnating here and dying an ignominious death, Ambrose is faced with a werewolf attack, after hearing Delores being horribly gutted like a fish, next door. Though he's able to finally deter the beast with his gun, Shadow is mortally wounded in the scuffle, and the former soldier is forced to end the dog's suffering with a bullet. The next morning, police arrive and shrug the slaying off as another animal attack, due to the community's proximity to the woods, but Ambrose already knows better.


Once, he knew you were alone, but now you're just gnawed to the bone.
Using a shovel as a makeshift cane and with the moon's cycle as his hourglass, Ambrose sets out to investigate the most recent murder, scrutinizing the locals for a wheeze he detected while squared off against the lycanthrope, including a cigarette-inhaling priest (Tom Noonan), Gloria's husband Bennet who's confined to an iron lung, and the priest's assistant, James (Lance Guest), who suffers from asthma. Hmmm... Meanwhile, he purchases a large, expensive tombstone for his dog's grave, which he digs daily, in his own backyard. He also starts training his body for combat again, with grueling push ups and weapon katas involving his favorite shovel, much to the dismay of his neighbors. Finally, he hitches a ride to the local gun dealer, whom he entrusts with a strange request: silver bullets of several different calibers. With his son feeling alienated and about to move to another city with his growing family, the war veteran once again dons his uniform, taking an overdose of heart meds beforehand to ensure that he won't be cheating death when the smoke clears, as another midnight howler. He leaves a parting message on his son's answering service, and prepares for a supernatural war that he won't be returning from this time, a last chance for spiritual redemption...


Werewolf? Were-Fennec (vulpes zerda), more like.
There's all kinds of names on board, like Tina Louise, who you might remember from Stepford Wives (1975), but you'll more likely recall as Ginger on the long running tv show, Gilligan's Island. There's Caitlin O'Heaney, who you'll recognize from Wolfen (1981) and He Knows You're Alone (1980). There's Karen Lynn Gorney, who once shared the spotlight with a kid named Travolta in a movie called Saturday Night Fever (1978). Rutanya Alda, who scored credits in things like The Deer Hunter (1978), When a Stranger Calls (1979), Christmas Evil (1980), and Amityville II: The Possession (1982) over the years, is here. Lance Guest, who showed up in Halloween II (1981) and Jaws: The Revenge (1987), is also here. Lead actor Nick Damici, you'll remember from Dark Was the Night (2014), We Are What We Are (2013), and Stake Land (2010). Don't let the frivolous werewolf design, original if not particularly goofy, as provided by Robert Kurtzman, deter you from seeing this, as it's a solid effort overall and an entertaining ride to be had, for sure. On the scale, three very respectable big ones for Phases. Check it out!


"I won't shoot until I don't see the whites of their eyes...", barks Ambrose (Nick Damici).

He Knows You're Alone(1980)d/Armand Mastroianni

John Carpenter's Halloween(1978)set off the hack and slash era,inspiring a seemingly endless cornucopia of slasher flicks of varying effectiveness.The best of the bunch display a certain degree of originality and stand on their own.In the end,this entry isn't one of them.Having said that,it does have some merit in its corner,in solid performances from its cast(which included Tom Hanks and Paul "Get the horns" Gleason)and some decent atmosphere.Other than that,its little more than a low budget cookie cutter clone of Carpenter's classic,with few scares and less gore.Mastroianni shot this almost in entirety on Staten Island,the stomping grounds of perhaps the single worst director of all time,Andy Milligan.Maybe he rubbed off on the production.Its all conjecture at this point...Not unenjoyable,but nothing exceptional either.

The killer(Tom Rolfing) does have some intense eyes,if nothing else,eh?
It sucks when your girlfriend gives you the axe,even worse when she ends up marrying the douchebag she left you for.Usually,you can get over it by breaking out the porn dvd you guys shot,dirty a couple of tissues,then head to the meatmarket club in search of decent rebound sex.Not Ray(Tom Rolfing).He rolls stag to his ex's wedding,and knifes the bitch before the ceremony.And he's not done there,he's gonna openly seek out other chicks who are getting married so he can kill them first.Bitter are ya,Raymond?He's set his sights on Amy(Caitlin O'Heaney),a girl who's about to marry a cheating shitbag,but has an ex named Marvin(Don "Squirm" Scardino)who's hanging around in the wings,hoping she's gonna change her mind.Oh yeah,Marvin works in a morgue.Good luck winning her back,dude.Ray's not a killer with any degree of pizzazz,but he's pretty damn good at following Amy.He knows when she's getting fitted for her wedding gown,he knows when she's taking in an ice cream,he knows when she's looking out her kitchen window,he knows when she's gonna take the haunted house ride at the amusement park,he knows when she's sleeping,he knows when she's awake...Seriously,Ray,do you moonlight as friggin' Santa Claus in your spare time?

Yes,Caitlin,removing your top greatly enhances your odds of being Wop-ette of the Week.
On the side of law and order are a pair of detectives,one of which happens to be the poor bastard left standing at the altar when Ray killed his fiancee.You'd expect the Loomis speech out of one of these guys.They don't deliver it,or much else.Meanwhile,Amy's girlfriends are all turning their toes up.Even Amy's tailor gets holes poked in his midsection with his own garment scissors.Tom Hanks shows up in a neckerchief and delivers the Loomis speech about fear while on an amusement park date with one of Amy's friends,then goes away.There's a big showdown at the morgue when Ray tries to off Amy there,managing to stab a detective,and get himself arrested off camera(?)instead.Marvin,though not offering much in protection from the knife-wielding maniac,has wom Amy's heart.They plan to marry.Amy's ex shows up before the ceremony.I sense a pattern forming here.Fade to red and cue the Halloween rip-off piano music.

What's Forrest Gump doing here and why's he wearing a neckerchief?
As I mentioned earlier,it's not that this flick is entirely unlikable,it's just almost completely derivative with little variation.The soundtrack,the cinematography,the emotionless killer,Tom Hanks in a neckerchief...well,I just added that last one as a goof,but you know what I'm getting at.Caitlin O'Heaney was kind of a plain Irish dish back in the early 80's,but she doesn't get bare-assed here at all(Try Savage Weekend if you're jonesin for more than a peek).Scardino went on to direct episodes of 30 Rock,Gleason went on to a long career in films,and we all know how Hanks turned out.I may be a little hard on this one,but I have seen it several times and don't mind throwing it in every now and again.On the scale,where it counts,though,it barely manages:

In times of great duress,Amy tends to duck her head into her turtleneck like some kinda terrified ostrich.