"Werewolf of Washington"(1973)d/Milton Moses Ginsberg

Ah, the politically charged era of early to mid seventies America.Though I would later go on to invest enough of my own time addressing affairs of state, I was luckily only four years old when Tricky Dick resigned from the Presidential chair amidst the Watergate scandal, giving rise to Machiavellian satire from both sides of the civic spectrum.I don't lend too much credibility to either camp these days, as you'd have to be a nescient protozoan to believe that either conservatives or liberals have the interests of the nation's citizens in mind beyond seizing or maintaining power for themselves.I'm wearily uninterested in blatant hypocrisy and empty rhetoric over here.I like horror movies.
Naturally, it was only a matter of time before someone blended tongue-in-cheek political satire with drive-in level horror, and that someone turned out to be native New Yorker Milt Ginsberg, who, afterwards, would coincidentally never direct a full-length feature again.A pity, as tonight's effort turned out to be an offbeat, topical, and extraneous little flick, made all the more watchable by lead actor Dean Stockwell, who's always been a favorite of mine.He turns in a performance that's equal parts reservation and chuckle-worthy physical comedy as a hopelessly cursed press secretary destined to dine on politico windbags when the full moon rises(five nights in a row, apparently, consult your 1973 Farmer's Almanac, woprophiles).As far as the synopsis goes, my fellow Americans, let me make myself perfectly clear...

Jack(Dean Stockwell)'s familiar walking stick, for those moments when his feet are howling.Sorry.
Through a voiceover, we're introduced to Jack Whittier(Dean Stockwell), a rising star in the Washington press corps who pounded the President's daughter's vadge and took an assignment in Budapest to avoid the fireworks back home.The Prez, unaware that Whittier was horizontal bopping his little girl, offers him a job as a press aide, assuming he was banished for his political views.Meanwhile, back in gypo country, Jack examines a cane with a silver wolf's head with his side piece, Giselle(Katalin Kallay), and ponders its purpose."You mean you don't know?" she responds.On the drive to the airport, he nearly hits a man on a motorcycle, and is run off the road.When the car won't start, he infiltrates a local gypo camp for help.They don't help.Giselle is caught facing down a wolf in the night fog when Jack arrives in the nick of time to wallop the beast with his new silver cane, getting bitten in the chest in the process.A dead gypsy lies at his feet.The local constabulary is uninterested by his wild story, telling him that no one has been reported missing, and that he should go.Outside he and Giselle encounter the head mother of the gypsy camp, who tells them that he has killed her son, who wanted to die anyway.She blames it on the pentagram."Ah!The Pentagon is behind this!" he exclaims.The woman then explains the mythology behind lycanthropy, and gives him a charm to wear over his heart.Cut to a POV shot from inside a toilet, where a tuxedo-adorned Jack abruptly flushes the gypo charm.Outside at a formal party, the President(Biff McGuire) informs Whittier that he'll be a press aide for the Attorney General, and that he should work on Judge Captree's wife Martha, whose lip-flapping will damage her husband's chances of getting appointed to the Supreme Court.He notices a primitive pentagram that appears on the woman's hand via jump fade.After the party, she drunkenly shuffles past some storefront windows(walking alone at night in D.C.?You gotta be kiddin' me.)and hears some ominous growling.She screams.

"Nahhhh, it was a weerwolf, you raciss pig!"
While the Prez barters with a news publisher(Jacqueline Brooks) over Captree's appointment(since when do publishers vote on Supreme Court appointments anyway?), when Jack glancingly notices a pentagram on her hand.That night she pulls into a gas station, completely oblivious to the fact that she's got a werewolf on the roof of her car.Cue that good ol' seventies slo mo terror.The next morning, the gas island is swarming with investigators, and a black couple is being questioned.The Atty. General(Clifton James) subverts all of their answers with humorous black nationalist suspicions.Jack inspects the girl's palm and tells them they'll be locked up or assigned some FBI protection.Hmmm, press aides wielded some kinda power back in the seventies, huh.Jack later tries to inform the Prez about the murders and that he wants a guard on himself, but he shrugs it off and turns up his game on tv.His convo with a psychologist is equally fruitless, and he's soon transforming via forties-style time lapse photography into the snarling beast once again.He attacks the black couple, trapping the woman in a tipped over phone booth, but is shot by an FBI agent guarding them, and runs off.Later, in a war room meeting, the president says, "Now about my plan to recognize Red China…"Everyone laughs.During the pow wow, Jack's been secretly metamophosizing, and excuses himself.He somehow winds up in a factory that houses the laboratory of one Dr. Kiss(Michael Dunn), a pint-sized scientist who's even got a hulking body with giant corrective boots(sound familiar?) on a slab.He drops to all fours and licks the midget(!) before bolting off again.Back in human form, Jack maps out the prior attacks for the Attorney General and psychologist, the crime scene points forming a pentagram with one missing(five consecutive full moons gotta be some kinda record), and shows them his shirt which has been riddled with perfectly round bullet holes.After the President's daughter frees him from self-imposed chains in a wicker rocker(!), Jack finds himself in the cabin of the Commander-in-chief's helicopter, transforming in front of the disbelieving eyes of an Asian Prime Minister.The President commands him to sit and heel like a dog(!!),and gets bit before he runs off, to the horror of a plethora of stunned press people.After the Prez's daughter fatally dispatches him with a silver bullet,and credits begin to roll, we hear the Commander-in-chief himself transforming into a werewolf during a press conference(!!!).

Rumor has it, precious little crepe wool was applied to Stockwell's already woofin' eyebrows.
Light and original, Washington pays homage to The Wolfman(1941) and lycanthropic origins, with decent retro-makeup provided by Bob O'Bradovich, who went on to work in Joel Reed's cult hit, Bloodsucking Freaks(1978).Stockwell's business suited werewolf with white/grey mane fur is certainly memorable; his body language as the beast probably should have landed him a role in a sequel to The Shaggy D.A. or something.Michael Dunn would also appear in The Mutations and Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks the same year, tragically, his last on earth.Overall, a decent flick that you might enjoy on one of those do-nothing Wednesday nights.On the scale, it scores a respectable two wops, and is certainly worth a look.Check it out!

"No more Michael Moore mockumentaries!Uncle!Uncle!"

"The Dunwich Horror"(1970)d/Daniel Haller

Lawdy miss Clawdy,I'm whacked outta my fuckin' gourd over here tonight.Maintaining the rock n' roll lifestyle sure can be tiresome,my beloveds.I've been on and off benders the past few months,and still manage to churn out reviews,write a screenplay,and put the finishing touches on the underground comedy cd.I'm channelling the Masters at the moment.Speaking of masters,H.P. Lovecraft has always been one of my favorite writers,and when he wrote "The Dunwich Horror" as a short story in 1928,I'm sure he exclaimed,"Oh,if only I could survive another 42 years,so that I may see a low budget production by AIP that not only bears little resemblance to the story itself,but signs on an early sixties ingenue like Sandra Dee in the twilight of her film career to partially strip on camera,zooted on roofies,but by then,nobody's gonna wanna see her even partially naked.Man,I wish I could live long enough to see THAT!"Well,it's safe to say he probably never said that,but I may have once or twice,in whole or part,to myself and/or others.Though this particular piece of celluloid isn't much to look at,if you're expecting a faithful adaption from the likes of Samuel Z. Arkoff and Roger Corman,simply harken back to The Raven(1963)for a premonition of things to come.With that outta the way,I have to express my appreciation for all things Stockwell,and his performance here is aptly creepy and outrageous,as always.Add a strong supporting cast that includes Ed Begley Sr.,and Talia "Rocky" Coppola(later Shire),a great soundtrack by Les Baxter,and an inventive title sequence,and you may just look past some of the budgetary shortcomings and enjoy this one,afterall.

The citizens of Dunwich were always a bit leery of the Devil's Matte Painting.
At Miskatonic University,in Arkham,Massachussetts,Dr.Armitage(Begley,Sr)has just finished a lecture on the ultra-rare copy of the Necronomicon he has before him.He gives the priceless tome to his student,Gidg...err,Nancy(Sandra Dee) to return to the college library for safe-keeping.He doesn't warn her about groovy guys with caucasian afros,porn 'staches,dual pinky rings,OR flamboyant eyebrows,leaving her succeptible to the penetrating stare of Wilbur Whately(Stockwell),who has been searching for this book for some time.Armitage is somewhat of a local historian,fully aware of the Whately family shenanigans,so he cuts Wilbur's Necronomicon time paifully short.This doesn't stop Wilbur from hitching a ride home with the young girl,disabling her car,drugging her tea,then influencing her to spend the weekend with powerful eyebrow-based hypnotic suggestion,the likes the cinema world hadn't seen since Fuad Ramses layed the forehead-caterpillars on Trudy Sanders some seven years earlier in Blood Feast.Whately may not lip synch "In Dreams" by Roy Orbison here,but that doesn't mean he's not up to something.Armitage and one of Nancy's school chums drive out to the Whately place to convince her there's demonology afoot,but she turns them away with her best Patricia Hearst impersonation.

"...what seemed to be a rudimentary eye; whilst in lieu of a tail there depended a kind of trunk or feeler with purple annular markings, and with many evidences of being an undeveloped mouth or throat."I don't know about you,but all I see is a woofin' pair of eyebrows.
Investigating further,the two discover that Wilbur's mother is still alive,and healthily bouncing to and fro in a rubber room at the squirrel farm.It seems Wilbur was the survivor of a pair of twins,but the doctor never got a look at the other "child",whose birth was so traumatic for Wilbur's mother,it sent her into a state of perma-crackers.After goading from the locals,Nancy's classmate sneaks into the Whately estate,and uwittingly gets herself murdered by an undescribable mass of tentacles and such,freeing it to go on a kill-crazy rampage through Dunwich in the process.Old Whately eats fatal step plummet-death,and the townsfolk balk at Wilbur's pagan ritual and disallow the young man from burying his father in the local cemetery.As the shapeless creature continues on its murderous path,Wilbur's mother dies in the asylum,white-haired and insane,at the ripe old age of 45.Wilbur takes Nancy to an impressive stone altar on a matte painting/soundstage,where he plans to use her as a sacrifice to bring back the "Old Ones",specifically,Yog Sothoth,his actual birth father,probably looking for some long overdue child support.Armitage shows up as weird psychedelic clouds of smoke from another dimension envelop the half-dressed,drugged out college student,and has a Necronomicon jibberish-off with Wilbur,after which lightning strikes the would be sorcerer,sending his flaming body into the sea below.As Armitage and the nurse help Nancy from the altar,we see the outline of a fetus in her midsection.Apparently,Yog Sothoth likes 'em cottage cheesy around the thighs,and with a midriff bulge.To each his own...

Sesame Street looked quite different to Mr. Hooper after scoring double-dipped blotters from Gordon.
Though Sandra Dee would only return to the big screen twice more,and Begley,Sr. would die later the same year,Coppola(Shire) and Stockwell have gone on to successful film and television careers afterwards.Peter Fonda turned down Stockwell's role,while Keir Dullea,David Carradine,and Carol Lynley all were namedropped in pre-production as possible leads for the film.Released on an MGM double bill dvd with "Die,Monster,Die!",and earlier alone as part of its "Midnight Movies" series,this entry finds its way into my dvd player ever once in awhile,since I've gotten over my Lovecraftian elitism of days gone by.Standing alone,it has enough going for it to merit two B.W.s on the yellowed and cracking pages of the Wopronomicon...

Look at meeee,I'm Sandra Deeeee,being raped by an undescribable entityyyyyyy..


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"Psych Out"(1968)d/Richard Rush

This bizarre cult classic is the result of a script that Jack Nicholson wrote for director Richard Rush that Rush felt was too experimental for the mainstream.After being re-written as a San Francisco youth film dealing with "flower power" and drugs by other writers,Nicholson ended up in the lead male role,writing his own character's dialogue.The end product, which boasts of many big name actors in outrageous roles, was produced by Dick Clark(!).

Stoney(Jack Nicholson) plus spleefie plus clip-on ponytail equals cinematic gold!
Jenny(Susan Strasberg of "The Trip" fame),is a teenaged deaf runaway mute arriving in the Haight-Ashbury section of San Francisco looking for her brother Steve(Bruce Dern in a hippie wig),or as he's known by his followers..."The Seeker".She soon realizes this task is harder than it sounds,having only a postcard that reads "Jess saes" and "God is alive and well in a sugar cube." and being in the middle of a community of kooks.At a coffeehouse she meets Stoney(Nicholson),Ben(Adam Roarke), and Elwood(Max Julien),members of a local psychedelic band called Mumblin' Jim,who help hide her from the fuzz(one of which being Gary Marshall) who are asking around about her.They take her back to their happening crash pad,where hippies keep baby alligators in the refrigerator,talk to their pet louse(he's named...Manny),stare at crystals and web the place up in strings of plastic beads when they aren't making out or smoking grass,maaaaan.Stoney digs playing music...or rather holding his guitar while Hendrix rip off studio bands like The Storybook and The Boenzee Cryque pipe in music.His fretboard doesn't see much work as his hands never move,but like,who's paying attention,maaaan?Dave(Dean Stockwell in a hippie wig and groovy headband) is also in Mumblin' Jim,but considers fame a big plastic hassle,so he sits in a cardboard box on a rooftop,staring at the lone beam of light that shines through the top...because that's all there is,maaaan.

Mumblin' Jim play Kalaideoscope...or maybe it's Red River Dream.
Now Stoney digs Jenny enough to help her look for her brother,even scrapping with a junkyard gang(when's the last time you saw a good junkyard gang?) when the hippies find The Seeker's burned out psychedelic Volkswagon in the local junkyard(Elwood,banged out on LSD sugarcubes,saves the day when he imagines himself a prince vanquishing a dragon after being a frog kissed by a princess...wow.),but Stoney's a real ladies man who likes his freedom,with no strings attached.Hell,chicks even pop up from under his bed looking to make it with him(remember,Nicholson wrote this).It's a real bad scene when Warren(director Henry Jaglom with paste on crepe wool mutton chop sideburns) the artist freaks out down at the gallery on an STP trip.When his usual hallucinogenic home remedy of snapping his fingers doesn't stop him from seeing a few things,he naturally tries to circular saw his own hand off.Jenny doesn't understand why people take powerful drugs,but obviously...like Nietzche says...just don't judge people,maaaan.

"Yeah, I'm...I'm fine. Now I've been seeing a couple things but.. I can come out of it anytime I want to. You know all...all...all I have to do is... is snap my fingers and I come out of it." Warren(Henry Jaglom),snap your fingers,man.
The hippies tackle Warren to the ground,saving him from his own twisted mind,when Jenny notices a statue of some tin foil flames that her brother made,taking her one step closer to finding The Seeker.Now in the meantime,Ben stages a mock hippie funeral in the park with garage rock legends,The Seeds, playing and a mock priest(?) with a crepe wool Amish beard giving last rites,culminating in some dame making it with him in his coffin.Stoney's pals know how to party,maaaaan.The inevitable happens,and Mumblin' Jim is booked to play the ballroom,on the bill with Strawberry Alarm Clock(who could forget their smash hit,"Rainy Day Mushroom Pillow"),so Stoney tries to coax Dave out of his rooftop box to play the gig with them,but Dave would rather groove with Jenny.At this point,Stoney catches The Seeker breaking into the gallery to steal back his tin foil flames statue which he needs....for meditation(huh?).Steve tells Stoney the sordid tale surrounding Jenny's dysfunctional childhood,causing her to spew black motor oil and worms out of her mouth(!),forever robbing her of her ability to hear(common medical condition,in those days).The Seeker promises to see her,but only after he's had a day to get his head straight.

Bruce Dern IS...The Seeker.
The band play the ballroom gig,in true "Archies" fashion,but when Steve shows up,so does the lovable junkyard gang to stomp some sense into his hippie wig.There's a chase,but Steve sets a building on fire and prefers to die in it,grooving off the flames.Outta sight,maaaaan.In the meanwhile,Dave,in true chivalrous fashion,gets Jenny to drink a whole glass of STP with him,causing her to wander off into traffic,trapping herself between two lanes of speeding cars in the night.Stoney and the boys rescue her,but not before Dave gets knocked around like a human pinball,being hit by multiple cars,exclaiming,"Reality is a deadly place...I hope this trip is a good one.",before calling it a permanent day.Heavy,man,heavy.

Julien,Nicholson,and Roarke,grooving.
I love throwing this one on every once in awhile for some good unintentional laughs.I doubt Jack Nicholson and Dick Clark were ever the finger on the pulse of the psychedelic hippie community,but their take on it,certainly makes for repeated bizarre viewings.MGM released this on dvd as a double-bill with equally far out Peter Fonda vehicle,"The Trip"(first acid trip,hmmm...I think I need Bruce Dern as a chaperone...yeah,bad idea.).Get out your favorite bubbler("medicinal" purposes only),some plastic beads,and a clip on ponytail,and return to those flowery days of sixties yesteryear with Dean Stockwell and his STP punch,You'll be glad you did.
Four out of four B.W.'s