Showing posts with label Leslie Nielsen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Leslie Nielsen. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

"Day of the Animals"(1977)d/William Girdler

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Phew, it's a scorcher out there today, hot enough to fry up a hunk o' scrapple on an old lady's ass.Thanks to the eco-friendly, nature runs amok, b horror movies of William Girdler back in the late seventies, the worst we have to worry about thirty years on is an uneven tan or heatstroke.Back in 1977, with everyone spraying their aerosol cans of Right Guard haphazardly into their smelly armpits, we were depleting the protective ozone layer, and allowing harmful ultraviolet rays through to the earth's surface,which with a little creative license could feasibly set all animals on a kill-crazy rampage against the human beings that cohabitate the planet with them.It COULD happen, or so says the preachy sprawling introduction to our entry this afternoon.Not to mention the dated habit of chucking your garbage out the window of your car while speeding down the highway back then,which brought a tear to the eye of many a native American in groovy public service announcements.And if you think the ignorant white man could make an Indian cry in commercials during the tumultuous seventies, wait til you see what Leslie Nielsen has lined up for them in this flick.In fact,this is the Leslie Nielsen acting clinic those of you who've tired of watching him plod away in slapstick comedy the past twenty-five years have been praying to the casting gods for.Wipe the sweat off your brow,look troubledly upward at the sun,and hike forward,little droogies.
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Before Leslie Nielsen was moonwalking at baseball games,he slung racial epithets at Native Americans with the best of 'em.
Steve(Christopher George),with the help of his trusty native American pal(really Syrian,mind you)Santee,leads a gaggle of tourists up a mountain trail,for an exciting weekend of camping,foraging for wild radishes,and fending off dangerous wild animals,driven pazzo by the rapidly depleting ozone layer.Along for the hike are Terry(George's real life wife,Lynda),a young couple in need of therapeutic healing of their tocky relationship,a young couple that seems to be doing just fine,a whiny Jewish matriarch and her young son,a bird-watching nerd,an ex-football star dying of cancer,and a Wall Street ad exec named Jensen(Leslie himself).At the base of the mountain,the townsfolk are experiencing all sorts of nasty attacks by animals that normally don't seek out aggro,leading the military to roll in and declare martial law,evacuating the higher elevations.You know,where our hikers are currently stranded unknowingly.The troubled couple's weekend gets progressively worse when Mandy is attacked by a wolf,and when Frank leads her back down the mountain,she's attacked by a rowdy crew of hawks and vultures,causing her to fall off a ledge onto a fatally phony blue screen effect.Back on the trail, the party is being stalked by a wide range of animals,being annoyed by Mrs. Goodwin's kvetching and Jansen's hateful nicknames for everyone involved.Pretty soon,Jansen splits the party in two,questioning Steve's ability to lead the people to safety,hiking off with the young couple,the mother and her mollycoddled son.
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Don't sweat it, sister.That blue screen behind you oughta break your fall.
While Steve's half of the hiking party is being attacked by cougars and wild dogs,Jansen's half is under attack by a shirtless,rain-soaked ad exec who loses his marbles,shouting,"You lily-livered PUNK!I'M running this camping trip!I take what I want and I give ya what I wanna give ya!And right now I want THAT!(pointing to Andrew Stevens' squeeze)C'mon,baby!" throwing women and children to the ground,skewering boyfriends on tree branches,and claiming terrified young girls as his prize in the name of chauvenism, before foolishly trying to bear hug a grizzly bear(!)and eating broken back death in the mountainous mud.What a tour de force by Nielsen.Is it any wonder he's fallen back on comedy since this performance?Jaw-droppingly incredible.In the forest,only Steve,Terry,and Santee survive the ecological onslaught by drifting down river on a raft,and elsewhere,Mrs. Goodwin,her son,and the prize girlfriend weather the storm by hiding out inside a wrecked chopper.By the time the smoke finally clears,men in haz mat suits are sifting through dead animals and men in the streets,rescuing the few shellshocked survivors and scratching their collective dome pieces over how to avoid pissing off Mother Nature in the future.Moral of the story:Be cool to each other,and the planet we live on,or we'll all be sorry,maaaan.
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Someone tell little Michelle it's the ozone being depleted, not Peter Pan peanut butter.
This was Girdler's follow-up to his "Jaws with claws" success,Grizzly,the year before,which utilized much of the same cast and locations to earn top independent film of 1976 awards.He directed nine genre films,which included Three on a Meathook,Abby,Asylum of Satan,and The Manitou before losing his life at the age of 30 in a helicopter crash in the Phillipines.Christopher George went on to B movie success in such genre fare as Fulci's City of the Living Dead,Graduation Day,Enter The Ninja,Pieces,and Mortuary before he died of a heart attack in 1983.Lynda Day George worked in Pieces,Beyond Evil,and Mortuary,among several television roles before retiring from acting in the late eighties.Nielsen acted in Prom Night and Creepshow before moving on to an endless series of comedic roles,which he still churns out to this day,at 83 years old!This entry is pretty standard fare,but between some of the effects and Leslie Nielsen's outrageous contributions,you'll definitely enjoy it at least once.Day of the Animals rolls out its sleeping bag with two solid Wops on the almighty rating scale.You hear that,Animals?I take what I want and I give ya what I wanna give ya,you lily-livered punk!
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Simply the finest shirtless,ozone-loony Leslie Nielsen v. grizzly bear scene ever committed to celluloid.
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Saturday, November 10, 2007

"Prom Night"(1980)d/Paul Lynch

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When Jamie Lee Curtis,daughter of "Psycho"(1960) star Janet Leigh and actor Tony Curtis, was crowned the apex 80's scream queen after the success of "Halloween"(1978) and "The Fog"(1980),it seemed like she could do no wrong.But then "Terror Train"(1980) and this little Canadian disco slasher brought us all back to earth.Is it any wonder her bleached out,drugged up appearance and five lines of dialogue in the emptiest hospital in history in "Halloween 2"(1981) marked her final horror appearance for over a decade?I think not.Of course she's had a long,fruitful Hollywood career since then,amidst rumors of batwanger-dom(probably started by me,and due to that mannish square chin of hers)which I'll dismiss once and for all with the following publicity still:
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Yeah,Jamie was rocking a serious pair of dirty pillows.
Hermaphroditic rumors put to final rest,let's get on with the review,shall we?
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Callous kids send she-stutterer to early grave.
There's no doubt about it,kids can be venemous,hurtful little bastards.All Robin wanted to do was to fit in with the local scruffy young tearaways as they played "The killers are coming"(popular children's game?) in an abandoned warehouse somewhere in Canada.Stuttering,a sure s-s-s-sign of weakness marks the little girl for ridicule followed by abrupt gruesome death as she plummets out a window to the pavement below.Adding insult to injury,the remaining shards of broken windowpane follow,cutting the corpse's throat and removing all doubt.Gross.The four kids,fearful of retribution, form a pact to keep the events of that day a secret between them.Six years later the murderers are all high school kids in their twenties, preparing for the annual prom,only a vengeful killer(in a disco glitter ski mask...no,that's not a typo.) has different bloody plans for them as well.
Kim(Jamie Lee Curtis) and Alex are Robin's siblings(Leslie Nielsen is their father...remember when this guy took serious acting roles?),putting the tragedy behind them through exhilarating disco moves on the dancefloor.Each of the guilty teen/twenty-somethings,Nick(Kim's prom date),Kelly,Wendy and Jude is plagued by crank calls,reminding them of their terrible secret and taking the joy out of prepping the gymnasium for the prom's "Disco Madness" theme(no,that's not a typo either).Somewhere in there is an overweight afro-coiffed Jewish pot smoking nerd with a makeout van with plush carpeting in the back,and a moronic Sicilian-type bully who doesn't seem to realize Welcome Back,Kotter had already died a syndicated death,aping an aggresive,more stupid(is this possible?) Barbarino at every turn.One by one the childhood killers get their comeuppance at the aforementioned dance,but not before Kim does an onscreen ten minute boogie,and later evades the glittery axe-wielding killer with blouse open,exposing her ample sweater mates for a solid five minutes.In the end,people die violently,Kim survives the onslaught,and her brother Alex is unmasked as the murderer and lone witness to their misdeed six years earlier after Nick heroically beats him upside the domepiece with his own axe,effectively killing him.It's safe to disco once again.
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Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba beheaded.
Certainly not a top slasher entry by anybody's standards,this one does boast of some decent gore and atmosphere at times,though weighed down by a drawn out script full of loose ends,and badly dated,thanks to the prom full of boogiers.Nielsen is used too sparsely here,and the cast of co-starring caucasian afro-coiffed canucks(they all seem to enjoy the hairdo,strangely) doesn't add much beyond a chuckle.Jamie's lungs don't get much of a workout in the scream department,though the sight of her hustling underneath the mirrored ball just may give you many sleepless nights anyway.
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One out four B.W.'s
 
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