"The Devil Within Her" (1975) d/ Peter Sasdy

Hungarian-born director Peter Sasdy has had some great genre moments over the years, from Taste the Blood of Dracula(1970) and Countess Dracula(1971), to Hands of the Ripper(1971) and Nothing But the Night(1973). Tonight's review, alternately known as The Monster, Sharon's Baby, and I Don't Want to be Born, is an entirely different story altogether. Besides Joan Collins showing her full acting range as a pleasure-starved trollop in various states of undress, you've got Donald Pleasence, Caroline Munro, and Ralph Bates and Eileen Atkins in a "Worst Italian Accent-Off" that'll have your ears bleeding out like a pair of emo-cutters on a suicide pact in a warehouse full of cutlery. Wait, it gets worse...


Acting 101: Is Joan Collins giving birth or in the sensual throes of earth-shattering orgasm?
Despite being in her forties, we first see Lucy (Where does "Sharon's Baby" factor in to any of this? I don't think anybody in the whole cast is named Sharon...) as she's clearly enjoying the arrival of a nearly twelve pound baby boy through her birth canal. Dr. Finch (Pleasence) notes that her son "doesn't want to be born", before the little bugger scratches up his mother's facepiece (off-camera) to further amplify that sentiment. So troubled she is from the outset at her boy's antisocial behavior, that her ridiculous-sounding Italian husband Gino (Ralph Bates) seeks out his even more ridiculous-sounding Italian sister, a nun called Albana (Eileen Atkins) for help, as his little troublemaker makes a general off-camera nuisance of himself; shoving his pram-pushing babysitter into the Thames, punching Lucy's former lovers in the face, and biting anyone foolish enough to let their baby talking rubber faces slip too close to the little devil, or " dev-EEL" as Albana would say.


" 'Ere, Bates, was that supposed to be an Italian accent, then?"
A distraught Lucy confides to one of her stripper mates named Mandy (Caroline Munro), in between shopping sprees and candlelit dinners, that all of this strange phenomena may be occurring since she once denied the amorous advances of the co-star of her stage show during her own dancing days, a British dwarf named Hercules(!), and the jilted little fellow slapped a curse on her. Sounds legit. In any case, Lucy's son escapes his playpen, bending the bars on his nursery window, and hanging-ah poor Gino-ah from a tree outside-ah. He later lops off Dr. Finch's head with a spade, and runs his own mother through with a dagger in the tit. Albana performs a mostly uninteresting exorcism on the troubled infant in the end, while Hercules unconvincingly slumps dead on stage at the strip club, surrounded by showgirls. Phew, that one hurt.


" I've 'eard you was a free-thinking sexy broad with a dirty mouth. Wanna try for 'free-thinking sexy broad with a dirty mouth wot's shagged a randy dwarf in a jester costume' ?"
Pleasence gives the only performance that doesn't reek of week old rubbish here, and even then, it's not even one of his better turns, by a fucking long shot. Even the ever stunning Caroline Munro is wasted as a stripper who never strips, only spouting mundane Cockney dialog that seemingly always ends in exaggerated hand gestures and "Dahhhhhling!". Ralph Bates probably should have known better, too. Despite possessing exactly zero moments of on-screen tension and plenty of hokey off-screen mayhem, you just might spend the whole screening laughing out loud, as I did, and whether that was the intent of the film's producers or not(it wasn't), laughing's never a bad thing. One wop on the scale...


So that's how Donald Pleasence's head comes off. Always wondered about that.

"Lust for a Vampire" (1971) d/ Jimmy Sangster

Despite some pretty famous hate from star Ralph Bates, who replaced the elder Peter Cushing, who'd bowed out of the production to tend to his ailing wife, Hammer's last minute swap of directors (Sangster for Terence Fischer), and Mike Raven's laughably dubbed, dollar store Christopher Lee portrayal of Count Karnstein, there's a lot to like about tonight's review, the studio's meaty follow up to The Vampire Lovers(1970), further exploring the ungodly acts and deeds of the Karnstein clan, and showcasing the loverly Yutte Stensgaard, a blonde any red-blooded man'd love to get his fangs into.


"This is one of the worst movies ever made, mate!", scoffs Giles (Ralph Bates).
After seeing a throaty young strumpet provide the red stuff in a sacrificial rite of resurrection, where her blood is poured over the veil-draped skeletal remains of none other than Carmilla Karnstein, we're then introduced to the aptly named Richard leStrange (Michael Johnson),  a writer of lurid horror fiction, who lands himself a cushy gig at a nearby finishing school for girls, just as Countess Arritzen (Barbara Jefford) arrives on the scene, with her blood boilingly beautiful blonde niece, Mircalla (Yutte Stensgaard), in tow. Richard is instantly smitten with the mysterious young girl, as is the dusty headmaster, Giles Barton (Ralph Bates), who seems strangely acceptant when his frolicking young fillies start disappearing, one by one.


That's no stake in my trousers, I'm just glad to see Yutte.
It turns out that Barton is an aspiring student of the Black Arts, and through extensive grimoire research and love-born portrait sketches, he relates to Mircalla that she is, in fact, Carmilla, and pledges his servitude to the ageless predator, even hiding the lifeless body of one of her late night snacks down a well, and ultimately earning a fanged up neck-death for his blind loyalty. Meanwhile, Richard also blindly vows his love and allegiance to the vampire, who lets him dine on her instead of the usual eating arrangements we've grown accustomed to seeing (I'll be humming "Strange Love" the next time I'm performing cunnilingus, for sure). Further complicating matters,  Janet (Suzanna Leigh) the gym teacher has inexplicably fallen in love with Richard, a guy she's barely talked to since he joined the staff. From here, it's bare breasts, bloody neck bites, Bishop-driven lynch mobs, and flaming castle support impalement. Ain't nothing wrong with any of that.


Look, it's Nick Frost, the 1830 variant. Cornetto?
Sadly, Yutte bowed out of the Hammer spotlight after her appearance here, feeling under-appreciated in the genre. Personally, I've always appreciated the Hell out of her small-but-impressive body of work. She'd even make a needlepoint video sexy. Lighter on the on-screen lesbianism than it's predecessor, but heavier with Hammer honeys like Pippa Steel, Lust is packed top to bottom with splashy blood and bursting bosoms, gothic sets you may recall seeing in other movies, like Scars of Dracula(1970), and is a ripper of a time to be had, in general. Twins of Evil (1972), another favorite of mine, came next. If you're on board for a true Hammer terror classic, you won't find it here, for sure, but it's still a classic in my book, exploitatively speaking, and well worthy of three Wops on the rating scale. Next up, I'll be taking center stage over at Theater of Guts to scrutinize some genre material, so you'll definitely want to check that out.


I wasn't down for this particular Count. Like, blah! Blah!

"Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde"(1971)d/Roy Ward Baker

With another Valentine's Day in the rearview mirror and guys everywhere teary-eyed at the sight of the smoldering pile of ashes formerly known as their self-respect and vacuous hum of empty wallets(hopefully it got you laid, at least), there's no better place to get back to what's fourth best in life(genre movies and the lamentations of your enemies' women are neck-and-neck at the time of this writing) than here at the Wop.Here's an interesting little number from the folks at Hammer, a thought-provoking twist on Robert Louis Stevenson's historic take on duality, Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, with Hyde taking the form of a sinister seductress, as portrayed by the lovely Martine Beswick, and unsung Hammer lead Ralph Bates as the masculine Jekyll with good intentions, as always.As well as the gender-bender angle, the film's producers managed to amalgamate two historic criminal cases, Jack the Ripper and the Burke and Hare murders of Edinburgh, into the plot, handled with a dark wit, and a seeming undercurrent of debauchery just off-camera, making for a highly enjoyable viewing experience to be had, indeed.In the chair for tonight's affair, was the prolific Roy Ward Baker, who handles the potential for graphic depiction with reservation and class in adding another minor horror classic to his flourishing genre credentials late in his career with Hammer and a year later, Amicus.I always thought Bates was quite good during his tenure with the studio, and he's once again strong here as Jekyll.Beswick also exudes an aura of danger about her, during her scenes, chewing scenery in every frame.Gore fanatics will be pretty underwhelmed(pretty tame stuff considering all the whore-rippin' goin' on), as per usual with Hammer, but find solace in all the implied violence within.Pressing ahead....

Distressed by the blade at her breast, this working girl's laid to rest.
Jekyll(Ralph Bates), faced with the harsh reality that his research towards a cure-all for mankind's ailments might take decades to come to fruition, sets his sights considerably lower for the time being: an elixir of eternal youth, created from female hormones as extracted from the corpses of dead prostitutes.Makes sense.After extending the life of a common housefly past hours and into days, Jekyll finds himself visiting the likes of Burke and Hare for his "materials" when they become increasingly harder to come by through natural means.Dodging the advances of lovestruck upstairs tenant, Susan Spencer(Susan Brodrick), he tests his formula upon himself, physically transforming into Hyde(Martine Beswick), a beautiful brunette woman who introduces herself to his neighbors as a widowed sister, after first playing with her tits in the mirror and laughing maniacally.My kinda dame.Naturally, Susan's brother, Howard(Lewis Fiander), is instantly taken by the alluring beauty(and not impressed at all by Jekyll, if he only knew who he'd be kissing later on...), who has already begun taking over Jekyll's personality, as evidenced by the number of gowns and frocks being delivered to his apartment.Must be how Eddie Izzard got his start, eh.Unable to resist the urge to change and low on whore-bits, Jekyll receives another wrench to his experiments when an angry mob sets upon Burke and Hare for their fiendish crimes, lynching the former and blinding the latter, forcing the good doctor to frequent the Whitechapel area at night himself for his...ahem, supplies, when Susan remarks about the needs of the many outweighing the suffering of a select few.

Fanky set o' malloons for the homicidal half, Sister Hyde(Martine Beswick).
When Jekyll's old friend and colleague, the womanizing Professor Robertson(Gerald Sim), begins to suspect that he's responsible for all the Whitechapel ripping, Henry is forced to loose his sociopathic feminine side on the streetwalkers.Of course, this is an unpleasant means to an end for Jekyll's progress, while the cigar-smoking Hyde takes sadistic pleasure in the killings, which are carried out with surgical precision.Hyde finds her power over men and women alike very intoxicating, with Howard and Robertson vying for her affections and various nameless hookers dying under her surgical implements. Jekyll finds it increasingly difficult to control his female outbreaks which occur at the least opportune times, having finally tuned in to Susan's romantic vibe(I'd imagine one of your hands going feminine while you're entertaining female company's gotta be right up there with sprouting a 16 oz facial pimple on prom night).After seducing Robertson, who's still got the notion that his old chum has blood on his hands, she erases him from the equation, and, with unbridled lust for Howard, she plans on removing Susan, as well.Though Henry manages to stymie sister Hyde in killing his love interest, he realizes he must kill again to regulate his chaotic transformations, but the constabulary interrupts him, acting on a statement from the blinded Hare that draws upon the similarity between Jekyll's experiments and the recent rash of murders.Cornered like a wild animal, Jekyll finds himself precariously dangling from the rooftop of a high building when he's suddenly gripped by a metamorphosis into Hyde, who's simply too weak to hold on, and plummets to her end on the pavement below, her face showing masculine and feminine features in death.Credits.

Cor!You ought to wear a bib when you get into the preserves like 'at.
Ward Baker would direct such Hammer classics as Quartermass and the Pit(1966), Scars of Dracula(1970), and Vampire Lovers(1970), before helming Asylum(1972) and Vault of Horror(1973) for Amicus.Bates, who portrayed Gaius Caligula on BBC's The Caesars series(no wonder I like the guy), would also star in Taste the Blood of Dracula(1970), Horror of Frankenstein(1970), Lust for a Vampire(1971), and Fear in the Night(1972) for Hammer, before succumbing to pancreatic cancer at the age of 51.The Jamaican-born Beswick made a name for herself in two Bond films, From Russia With Love(1963) and Thunderball(1965), later starring in Hammer's Prehistoric Women(1967) and Oliver Stone's debut Seizure(1974), and scoring genre credits in 1987's The Offspring, 1990's Evil Spirits, and Critters 4(1991) after moving to Hollywood.Susan Brodrick's only other genre credit was Hammer's Countess Dracula(1971), while Sim turned up in fare like Dr. Phibes Rises Again(1972) and Hitchock's Frenzy(1972) in his long career.On the scale, Sister Hyde scores three Wops, a solid all-around effort, and certainly one of the stronger late entries for Hammer.Recommended.

Rotten good luck that there's no one who fits that description 'round these parts, eh wot?

Horror of Frankenstein(1970)d/Jimmy Sangster

In an attempt to breathe life into Hammer's ailing Frankenstein series,director Sangster cast Ralph(Dr. Jeckyll & Sister Hyde)Bates as the Baron instead of Peter Cushing to appeal to a more youth-oriented audience,and with threadbare production values and a tongue-in-cheek script,the studio set out to remake/parody the highly successful Curse of Frankenstein(1957), failing to stop the progressive slide and inevitable collapse of the franchise three years later.That said,I,personally,enjoyed this entry greatly.Sure,it's cheezy and full of dry British humour,and perhaps not the direction the series needed to take at the time,but it's still a helluva lot of fun to watch,and a refreshing turn from Peter Cushing in the same old bloody apron and bone saw(which I also happen to like,so refrain from the hate mail,fiends!).

Handlebar sideburns??I'm totally rocking these for the winter.
Enter Victor Frankenstein(Ralph Bates),a saucy and sarcastic sociopathic scientific genius and womanizer who is outraged that his wealthy father(also quite the womanizer,tired apple/tree cliche',anyone?)has forbidden him to spend anymore of his gold duckats on laboratory gear.The young man settles the score with a shotgun,inheriting his father's fortune and entering the medical college in Vienna.His scholastic endeavors end prematurely when he inadvertently knocks up the Dean's daughter,sending him homeward to ressurect his experiments and fleshy relationship with his father's housekeeper(Kate O'Mara,loverly bristols,but Irish brogue-speaking Austrian?Hmmm).With a schoolmate,he sets up his laboratory and conducts increasingly less moral plays on life and death,leading to falling out between the two men.Frankenstein cares not about anyone's feelings.He is of superior intellect,rapier wit,and he wants to build human life out of particular pieces of corpses,and by the Gods,that's what he's a-gonna do!

Exactly how did the Baron(Ralph Bates) come into possession of Warren Beatty's decapitated head in a jar?
He resurrects a patchwork,putty-headed muscle-laden monster(David "Darth Vader" Prowse) through some murders,that terrorizes the town,but knows its place when dealing with superior intellect and rapier wit,answering to the diabolical doctor.His success is short-lived,due to various frameups of friends,dispatchings of gold-digging busom-heavy housekeepers,and curious love-struck bubbleheaded classmates(the delicious Veronica Carlson),and soon the authorities are on to Victor's garishly grotesque games!While aiding his creature's escape by making it hide in a coffin-sized vat of acid,it is unwittingly destroyed by a rotten little kid who can't keep her hands to herself while the police inspect the laboratory,pulling the chains that fill the vat with acid.Sometimes you can't win for losing.

The monster(David Prowse),looking pretty buff,apart from the livid scars and putty head.
Critics have been unnecessarily hard on this one over the years,for various reasons,ranging from the humour to the shoddy creature makeup on muscleman Prowse,but overall,I find it enjoyable,none-the-less.Perhaps it lacks in ample doses of nudity and gore that Hammer was injecting into its productions at the time,but you could do a lot worse in the Frankenstein sweepstakes,i.e. Lady Frankenstein,or Frankenstein's Great Aunt Tillie(blech!)than this.For the record,Hammer DID return to form directly afterwards with Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell.Ordinarily,it'd be an average two-Wopper,but I just GROOVE on the cleavage-fest provided by Carlson and O'Mara on this set,baby!Add one Wop and the final score is:

Alys(Kate O'Mara)and her two famous supporting(well-supported?) co-stars.Aereola-rific!