Monday, February 11, 2008

"Witchcraft '70"(1970)d/Luigi Scattini

Just got through this seldom-seen "shockumentary" in two viewings(I fell asleep half way through the first time)after years of fruitless searching for a watchable copy.For the record,let me state that if true witchcraft was ANYTHING like what this film's makers captured on cameras back in 1970(and allegedly paid greenbacks for "secret 8 mm documentaries" from unknown individuals for),then the occult arts and black magic simply ain't much to write home to Aunt Beatrice about,period.
Newlyweds exclaim "King Diamond rules!" from Anton LaVey's Black Church.
The viewer is treated to 88 very tedious,tame minutes of occult practices in Bali,New Orleans,and California,among other places,all seen through the eyes of the mayor of squaresville.To validate their prudish outlook on the subject,they even interviewed a deaf-ish police officer with a speech impediment to emphasize the threat to society these cults pose.If witchcraft were to take hold of large numbers of the populace,he reasons,the world could arguably be gripped in a second medieval age,he lisps.And who would rule over these global covens,Officer Douchebag?Alice Cooper?
I really groove on Satan's cloven hooves,maaaan.
So what are the filmmakers committing to the big screen as a cautionary warning to parents of the world?Well,it seems the recurring themes in witchcraft back at the outset of the seventies were:
1)Nudity-You CANNOT show affection for the dark lord and master while your bell bottoms are still on.
2)Groovy dancing-Just like a Josie and the Pussycats musical segment,but with no troublesome clothes to get in the way.
3)Wine laced with L.S.D.-Nothing brings outta sight otherworldly demons to the party like mind-altering hallucinogens.
4)Guy in papier mache' goat mask-He only feels like a jackass until the naked,acid-soaked hippie chicks start grooving off of him.
5)Sexual freedom-Herein lies the true draw to the dark arts.You throw a pentagram necklace on,utter some mumbo jumbo,sip some chicken blood out of a metal chalice,you KNOW you're gonna get laid very shortly.
There you have it.Whether you're a Louisiana Voodoo Queen,or Anton LaVey,the devil is a means to get some righteous coital action.And if you're a parent of an impressionable teenaged hippie girl,monitor those acid rock concerts she's been seen grooving at,otherwise,she's gonna end up stoned and spreadeagle underneath some satanic cats somewhere in Death Valley.Those of us who don't touch up our drape haircuts with a belt sander knew all this beforehand,of course,but in brief intervals,this documentary could prove guilty amusement on a Wednesday night.
Wake up,warlock,you're supposed to be performing some spooky witchery!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That police officer was my grandpa haha he was the chief of police in capitola california next to santa cruz. he really was going deaf but he didnt have a speech problem
Mat Esty

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