B.W.'s Top Twenty Favorite Kung Fu Actors : The Top Ten

We're back, like a former 98 lb martial weakling, fully trained in secret combat techniques and prepared to avenge our father's/brother's/sister's/mother's/sifu's untimely death at the hands of a villainous bastard who's rubbing his mustache and laughing cockily, thoroughly unfazed by this latest challenge; unaware that we've mastered the ancient counter-style, thought lost for years, and he's in for some serious foot-eating, in grueling slo-mo. Movement eight'een, Peacock displays his fancy ass-feathers to Buddha! Here's my top 10.


  10) Liu Chia Hui  The youngest of the Liu's behind Chia-Yung and eldest Chia-Liang, Gordon "Master Killer" Liu's instantly recognizable even to those beyond the HK fight club, appearing in Quentin Tarantino's Kill Bill series, after having a long and rich career in the Shaw Brothers productions of his older brothers and others; some of his best appearances coming in movies like Martial Club (1981), Heroes of the East (1978), Legendary Weapons of China (1982) and, of course,  The 36th Chamber of Shaolin (1978).


  9) Ti Lung  One of Shaw Brothers' early stars, the ever noble Ti Lung lends his unmistakable air of class to productions like The Deadly Duo (1971), Five Shaolin Masters (1974), and The Kung Fu Instructor (1979), as well as modern works such as John Woo's A Better Tomorrow (1986) and Liu Chia Liang's Drunken Master II (1994) opposite Jacky Chan.

 
   8) Kuo Chui   Number Four, the Lizard. My favorite Venom, Kuo usually plays a drunk or a wanderer or a beggar...or a drunken wandering beggar... in iconic Shaw Brothers productions for Chang Cheh like Daredevils of Kung Fu (1979), The Flag of Iron (1980), Five Element Ninjas (1982), as well as the aforementioned Five Venoms.


 7) Liang Chia Jen  We've come to "Beardy" himself! Though he's always been technically excellent, dating back to early Shaw flicks like Five Shaolin Masters (1974) and Marco Polo (1975), I prefer repeat viewings of his work in later films like Warriors Two (1978), Sleeping Fist (1979), The Victim (1980), Thundering Mantis (1980),  and Knockabout (1979) these days. All of his stuff is worth checking out, really.



  6) Billy Chong The Indonesian Willy Dozan was often billed as "Bruce Lee of the 80's" and was number one on my list for a long time, too,  often sparking arguments among us before and after many a kung fu class back then, but I stood firm on my choice, using movies like Super Power (1980), Kung Fu Executioner (1981), and Crystal Fist (1979) as visual evidence. Still a favorite.


  5) Liu Chia Liang The mere screen presence of this fight choreographer-turned-director, the elder statesman of the genre bar none,  uplifts any production to a must-see status. Though those appearances numbered ninety-three at the time of his death in 2013, with many glorious fights that instantly spring to mind, one only need bear witness to the spectacle that is the final fight in his own Legendary Weapons of China (1982) vs. his brother, Liu Chia Yung, to see a perfect jaw-dropping illustration.


  4) Fu Sheng  My favorite Chang Cheh regular has to be "Alexander" Fu Sheng, hands down. His comedic abilities, mischievous spirit, and general likability are top notch, and only matched by his prowess as a pugilist, having long trained under the tutelage of none other than Liu Chia Liang. Were it not for a tragic car accident in 1983, his international star would have surely rose to more dizzying heights, transcending the martial arts genre into mainstream comedy, as evidenced by the success of Hong Kong Playboys (1983).


  3) Bruce Lee Undoubtedly the King of the Kung Fu movie, and the Gold Standard by which all cinematic martial artists will forever be compared to. The four movies completed at the time of the iconic little tough guy's death in 1973, are all required viewing, for sure: Big Boss (1971), Fists of Fury (1972), Way of the Dragon (1972), and Enter the Dragon (1973).


  2) Jacky Chan In one instant, this former Peking Opera performer-turned-stunt man rose to the top by single-handedly revolutionizing the kung fu film with his own unique brand of physical kung fu comedy, performing all legendarily inhuman stunts himself along the way. Snake in the Eagle's Shadow (1978), Drunken Master (1978), Project A (1983), Police Story (1985), Armor of God (1986)...his list of excellent action movies is lengthy. If you've never seen his early classics, you're really selling yourself short as a film fan.


  1) Wang Lung Wei  Johnny Wang, who is without a doubt, the epitome of villainy in Asian action movies, naturally tops my list of favorites. "Who else... coooooooooould be", to quote Hwang Jang Lee. To Kill a Mastermind (1979), Martial Club (1981), Shaolin Temple (1976), and This Man is Dangerous (1985) contain some of my favorite vintage Wang assholery.

"The Shaolin Mantis" (1978) d/ Liu Chia Liang

By 1978, the stars of director/fight choreographer, Liu Chia Liang, and HK leading man, David Chiang, were headed in two different directions. Chiang had once headed the biggest productions out of Shaw Brothers Studios, usually opposite Ti Lung, during the arm-swinging early seventies when fight choreography wasn't nearly as scrutinized, and elder Liu was well on his way to legendary status in the genre already, having already helmed such classics as 1976's Challenge of the Masters, Executioners from Shaolin (1977), and The 36th Chamber of Shaolin/ Master Killer (1978) the same year as this minor effort, seemingly meant to boost Chiang back to his former box office glory with Liu's special brand of martial magic.


This particular chichi (Cecilia Wong) isn't served with Slim Jim's or Cheetos, but she still looks scrumptious.
After impressing the emperor (Hung Wei) with a methodically lackluster martial display, dismantling several martial experts including a Mongol (Lee Hoi San) and a monk (Liu Chia Hui, who else?), Wei Fung (David Chiang) is ordered to infiltrate the Tien Gang as a spy, and the longer his mission takes, the worse off all of his family will be for his procrastination: stripped of official titles, thrown in jail, beaten, and finally beheaded. Sheesh. Imagine if the emperor didn't dig his demonstration... It's a good thing he bumps into teenaged Tien Chi Chi (Cecilia Wong) as she's bullying her old tutor out the door, as he quickly talks his way into their residence as her new teacher, turning the frisky teen's focus to writing and reading rather than her preferred kung fu, which he pretends to know nothing at all of. Just as her Grandfather (Liu Chia Yung) discovers Wei's true background and intent, she becomes smitten with her tutor, and declares him her lover, forcing her angry family members to give Wei a martial mulligan, and not send him to his maker.


Did you remember to bring all your weapons, David?
At this point Wei and Chi Chi are married, while elder Tien warns his granddaughter that if her husband should ever try to leave their home, he and his brothers will be forced to kill him, in the name of the rebellion. Enjoying married life and not very concerned about his family's lives back home, Wei finally suggests that they visit his parents together, spurring on the family/gang's traditional five guard showdown, which Chi Chi joins her husband in fighting. Elder Tien doesn't take the news very well at all, killing both his granddaughter and his sympathetic wife (Lily Li) in the process, with Wei barely escaping with his life. Right about here, Wei observes some mantises in the field (on the set, really), and develops the Mantis fist to combat Elder Tien's deadly Shadow fist technique, using the insects as his instructors. As Wei returns on his word to the Tien residence, the final showdown jumps off, with expected results. Where's that Shaw Brothers freeze frame ending? Oh, there it is.


"...very good, and now, go catch your sifu a nice fat, pollenated bee."
Liu Chia Liang would also complete the amazing Heroes of the East the same year, so it's sort of easy to see how this effort sometimes gets overlooked. His middle brother, Chia Yung, who directed movies like Dirty Kung Fu (1978), Shaolin Warrior (1980), and 1982's The Fake Ghost Catchers, with Fu Sheng, also continued to act and perform in martial arts movies as recently as 2011. David Chiang, who crossed over in the Shaw/Hammer co-production The Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires in 1974, would go on to appear in things like Shaolin Handlock (1978),  Shaolin Abbot (1979), and The Lost Kung Fu Secret under the silly pseudonym Garth Lo in 1980, and though he continues to maintain a high cinematic profile, for this guy, his best work came in earlier Shaw productions, such as Vengeance (1970), The Heroic Ones (1970), and Blood Brothers (1973). His mantis fist displays here won't force you to forget Feng Ko An any time soon, that's for sure. The adorable Cecilia Wong, credited here as Huang Hsing-hsiu, can also be seen in things like Renegade Monk (1978) with John Liu, Liu Chia Liang's Spiritual Boxer II (1979), and 1981's Old Master. On the scale, two Wops. Decent, but nothing compared to Liang's masterworks. Worth a look.


"If you're gonna reverse jump twenty-five feet onto my gabled roof to safety, I suggest you do it now."

R.I.P. Liu Chia Liang

            07/ 28/ 1936 - 06/24/13

"Mad Monkey Kung Fu"(1979)d/Liu Chia Liang

Tonight's review is an early martial gem from elder Liu, who directs and co-stars here alongside twenty-one year old protege' Hsiao Ho, an acrobatic Shaw contracted performer who'd go on to feature prominently in Liu's later offerings like My Young Auntie(1981) and Legendary Weapons of China(1982); one of two HK films to center around the monkey fist style in 1979, the other being Yuen Biao's excellent Knockabout.I can't really say which of the two is my favorite, but I will say that, combined, they'd make a double feature par excellence on any given night.Mad Monkey is a showcase of traditional kung fu comedy with gravity-defying performances by Ho, who somersaults so much here, I got a nosebleed just watching him, but even more so from Liu himself, who shows on multiple occasions just why he's the gold standard in martial choreography and direction, serving up no less than a solid half hour of dizzying training sequences and lengthy, intricate fights displaying the rolling and flipping of the comedic-rooted monkey style, often paired off in groups.Flying evil's black banner of badness here is Lo Lieh, who shined brightly in Liu's ground-breaking Executioners from Shaolin(1977) as the white-brow priest, Pai Mei.Lieh never looks as impressive as he does when he's choreographed by Liu and tonight's entry, which was coincidentally released on my tenth birthday(though it's taken thirty years for me to finally score a good copy), is no different.Kara Hui Ying Hung is also on board, but puzzlingly not given a whole helluva lot to do for some reason.Liu expertly offsets the broad physical comedy with sorrow and tragedy to make for essential pugilistic viewing, an underrated classic of the genre that somehow gets passed over in the maddening volume of movies released during the era.

Uncle Chan(Liu Chia Liang) puts away toasts and challengers with ease.
Uncle Chan(Liu Chia Liang) and his sister Miss Chen(Kara Hui Ying Hung) are travelling stage performers in an opera troupe who are obliged to attend a dinner in their honour at the estate of the wealthy Mister Tuan(Lo Lieh) on their final night in town, unaware Tuan's loins secretly burn for Chen, and he's planning to frame Chan in order to turn her out as a personal concubine in his stable of otherwise unscrupulous bitches.Chan gets panzerknackered on wine while making fools of all of Tuan's henchmen in a dazzling display of his monkey fist, while Tuan's wife keeps Chen occupied with womenfolk matters in another room.When the monkey king finally passes out, Tuan's wife lies with him momentarily, while in a state of undress, long enough for her husband to discover the pair together.To make matters worse, Tuan's men cripple Chan's hands with boards, so that he might never drink again, before sending him back into the world without his sister.Some time later, after Chan has taken up as the resident childrens' entertainer with a pet monkey and tray of candy, he's pressured by more of Tuan's goons into paying protection money with disruptive violence, much to the dismay of a young street urchin named Little Monkey(Hsiao Ho), who's tried to befriend him during this low period.When the thugs beat Chan's monkey off of a wall(big-time downer, be forewarned), Monkey volunteers his own services, dressing like his namesake animal and displaying acrobatic prowess and skill with a bo.When Chan grows weary of seeing the goons beating on his young friend, he begins to train him in the basic techniques of monkey fist, but the hothead protege' decides to exact revenge himself before completing the training, with disastrous results...

"More comfortable than a futon..." remarks Uncle Chan.
After using his newly learned skills to treat most of Tuan's entry-level bullies like props in a Chinese Harold Lloyd skit, Monkey descends upon Tuan's brothel, where Miss Chen has just overheard how her sugar daddy once tricked her brother some years ago.Tuan makes short work of Chan's student, and is about to bash his skull in, monkey brain brunch-style, when Miss Chen de-skirtifies Tuan's wife as a diversion long enough for him to escape the evil boss' clutches.Back with his sifu, Monkey trains hard, toughening his knuckles on tree bark, rotating fluidly while suspended from vines around all his limbs, and somersaulting endlessly against the intricate Shaw Bros backdrops with his vengeful master.Back at Tuan's crib, Chan busts in on the baddies as they've netted his pupil, learning his sister has perished under his black hand.Combining skills, the duo takes out Tuan's small army with flips, kicks, and punches before focusing on the main antagonist, who ironically ends up with busted mitts full o' glass shards before getting chucked off the top balcony to his bloody, broken death, in the same way he sealed Miss Chen's fate.With whores and johns cowering in fear, Monkey feigns a jump that Uncle Chan preemptively catches in his arms.The student assumes a familiar monkey position before vacating the carnage-covered premises with his sifu in a trademark Shaw Bros freezeframe.

"Whooooa, careful around my beanbag, fellas!"
Though I'm always well entertained by elder Liu's efforts, this one is representative of some of his finest period work ever, I'd surmise.After watching tonight's review, follow it up with an American action picture and see the difference in speed and technical prowess for those of you with any doubt to the director's contribution to the genre.It's downright tragic that Hsiao Ho didn't enjoy more starring roles in Liu's films and beyond, as he's definitely one of Shaw's brightest stars, having scored himself some sixteen film credits as an action director and double that in front of the camera.Definitely in my top ten martial arts movies, and one you should check out right away if you dig 'em as much as I do.On the scale, Mad Monkey merits the perfect four Wops, coming with my highest recommendation.A must-see!

Peter Gabriel'd have a hard time shocking this Monkey(Hsiao Ho).

"Twin Dragons"(1992)d/Tsui Hark, Ringo Lam

We'll spinning wheel kick-off the martial month of Chan-uary with a choice chunk of chopsocky comedy co-directed by the able duo of Ringo Lam, of City on Fire/Prison on Fire(both 1987)fame, and Tsui Hark, the man who gave you We're Going to Eat You(1980), among others.With all proceeds from the film benefitting the Hong Kong Director's Guild, the men assembled an impressive list of co-stars for Chan(who was coming off the international success of Armour of God II a year earlier), including genre vets like David Chiang, Maggie Cheung, Nina Li Chi(who would go on to marry Jet Li), Wang Lung Wei and an assload of cameos from directors like Hark and Lam themselves, John Woo, Ng See Yuen, Kirk Wong, Wong Jing, and even Liu Chia Liang himself.The plot, sort of a kung fu Corsican Brothers, allows for Jackie to showcase his mastery of physical comedy a la Buster Keaton while supplying the viewer with multiple rewind-worthy "Holy Fuck!" stunts and smoothly choreographed fights, as was par for the course by this point in Chan's career.The result is a dizzying, laugh-packed joyride that you're bound to enjoy, heads and tails over Jean Claude Van Damme's similar Double Impact(1991) with a lot less denim-wrapped cazzies hitting the floor(Van Damme never passed up an opportunity to throw a side split into a scene that didn't need one), despite some shoddy blue screen effects work when attempting to frame Chan's twins in the same shot.This one might not rank in the top five Chan films of all-time, but it's not a bad hundred minutes full of fight scenes, pretty girls, car chases, explosions, and comedy, and besides, where else are you gonna find a bulky fro-sporting asian named Rocky in a spiked up vest with an Iron Maiden back patch?Nowhere but here, I'm here to tell you.And compared to frown-inducing recent Chan wirefests like The Medallion(2003) or The Tuxedo(2002), this may as well be Project A(1983), ferchrissakes.Onwards!

Prince(Jackie Chan) helps Ah Wei(Wang Lung Wei) inspect a sheet of coffee table glass for imperfections.
A big nosed Chinese family's twin boys are separated when Crazy Keung(Kirk Wong) attempts a daring hospital escape in a black and white flashback, and one of the twins ends up on the doorstep of a booze-chugging party girl(Mabel Cheung), while the other is raised by the natural parents.Ma(Jackie Chan) becomes a critically acclaimed concert pianist, while his brother Prince(also Jackie) becomes a street-wise petty criminal/ automechanic/race car driver with a twisted midget sidekick named Tarzan(Teddy Robin).Tarzan, always getting his pal into trouble, barges in on a private karaoke session at Boss Wing(Alfred Cheung)'s place, cueing a massive nightclub scrap between Prince and all of Wing's thugs, led by Ah Wei(Wang Lung Wei), that culminates in a failed rescue of a blue-wigged singer(Maggie Cheung) and Prince's reluctant agreeance to race for big money stakes.Meanwhile, Ma prepares for a high profile recital, mostly unreceptive to the busty charms of a childhood sweetheart named Tong Sum(Nina Li Chi), who's been sneaking around on her brutish boyfriend, Rocky, behind his back, adorned with obligatory Maiden back patch, naturally.Both twins, totally unaware of the other's existence, find themselves compelled to act out each other's own motions and gestures, with the pianist cranking invisible monkey wrenches and the criminal fingering out arpeggios on an invisible keyboard at odd moments.Inevitably, they bump into each other in a hotel restroom and get switched, with side-splitting results.Ma takes an instant shine to Barbara, the nightclub singer, who sings a tender ballad while he accompanies her on piano, while Prince provides the muscle necessary to send Tong into a tizzy when he upgrades her backrub to full-blown intercourse.

"Take a backfist into the wall and call me in the morning!", prescribes the doctor(Liu Chia Liang).
Meanwhile, Ma is forced to drive a getaway bus at gunpoint during Crazy Keung's latest escape attempt, with asphalt-based mayhem resulting, and Prince has no choice but to conduct Ma's recital, cigarette dangling from his lip, as he stumbles, backflips, and horseybacks around the auditorium full of shocked music lovers and compliant musicians who are following his frenetic baton.With all involved parties ignorant to the fact that there are two identical brothers, the men learn to use their uncanny resemblance to each other to their benefit; Prince makes short work of Rocky in a department store, causing the brute to later kautau to Ma(thinking that he's Prince) and beg to be taken on as a student.In the hotel room, the confusion reaches boiling point as Tong interrupts the men to take a relaxing bath, unaware that she's naked as nature intended in front of both of them, as both playfully share the tub with her.When a jilted Barbara barges in, they are forced to reveal themselves to the girls, who faint at the sight of them together.After the thugs kidnap Tarzan, Ma and Prince pool their resources with a daring rescue scheme involving a Hong Kong pier and a magnetic crane, before ending up in a nearby auto-testing facility.After much gravity-defying martial action in temperature-controlled climate rooms and in and around crash test vehicles transpires, the twins end up victorious, with the mob boss slamming head first into a wall inside a car with no seatbelt at a speed conducive to instant concrete and twisted metal death.We later see the twins' father passing out at the first sight of his long lost son, Prince, as he's about to be married to Tong in a dual ceremony with his brother Ma marrying Barbara, except Prince gets cold feet and tries to duck out the side door.When the wedding party rushes outside to catch up with him, neither woman can identify her husband-to-be, with Barbara noting that it doesn't matter afterall, to the freeze-framed horror of both men.

"Why yes, Jet Li, I am in a bathtub with your wife.Very observant of you."
The movie earned over HK $33 million upon release, but just over 8 million when re-released to North American audiences by Dimension Pictures, this cut being eleven minutes shorter, with a different musical score, and different ADR provided by Chan himself five years later, the least successful of Chan's movies re-edited for American moviegoers, torn to pieces by fickle critics on this side of the pond who most likely knew nothing about the guy before 1995's Rumble in the Bronx anyway.Hell, most hardcore genre nuts only turned on to Jackie after his episode of The Incredibly Strange Film show aired, while those of us in the know saw his worldwide success coming at least twelve years prior to any of that mainstream exposure.We'll be covering films from each of Chan's different periods this month, of course, so stay the course with the Wop and acquire the martial movie knowledge to maintain the daily levels of smartassery necessary to loom titan-sized over all your ignorant friends.The proceeds for tonight's entry were originally intended to be used for construction of a headquarters for the Hong Kong Director's Guild, but never got off the ground.Don't let the visible matte lines scare you away from checking this one out, with light comedy and some breath-taking action sequences and stunts(though Chan would top everything he does here several times over before he was finished), Dragons scores an impressive three Wops on the scale, and comes recommended.

"Look closely at this shoe!"

"Martial Club"(1981)d/Liu Chia Liang

If you woprophiles dig your kung fu movies(like I know you do), then I've got one you're really gonna blow yer glassies on tonight, one of the most paramount efforts from apex Shaw director Liu Chia Liang, showcasing what certainly has to be one of the top five cinematic fights of all-time, in what's arguably one of the all-time most exemplary offerings that the Asian action genre has ever offered, period.You don't get much better than that, folks, and I ain't just whistlin' Dixie.Take the assemblage of physical talent that appears in this Liu vehicle(besides Liang, never less than amazing himself): Liu Chia Hui, Wang Lung Wei, Hui Ying Hung, Hsiao Ho(who provides the breathtaking choreography, as well), Mai Te Lo, Ku Feng, and even Wilson Tong, to that you can add an original, highly entertaining screenplay centered around the famed lion dance ceremony(where sin qua non screen villain Johnny Wang does not play the antagonist for once!), and then there's the fights.By 'fights' I mean the unsurpassed non-stop action sequences on board that'll have you repeatedly hitting the rewind button on your remote until the pièce de résistance alley brawl between youngest Liu and Johnny Wang unfolds upon the screen.That the movie focuses instead on a message of respect and apology between martial artists, a la Liu's earlier Challenge of the Masters(1978)(which could be seen as a sort of prequel to this one), instead of the usual blood vengeance angle the world had seen at least thirteen thousand times over by 1981, is just one more facet to this rare and wondrous gem guaranteed to leave your lower jaw hanging loosely somewhere down around your sash by the time it all wraps up.

You havent seen a lion dance until you've seen one of Sifu Liu's.
After an educational introduction to the Chinese Lion Dance, as given by director Liu himself against a stark white background, where we learn the various improprieties one group of lion dancers might perpetrate against another if they were interested in causing them to lose face.Sniffing around the rival lion's ass means you find it to be feminine, whereas blinking your lion's eyes in its direction would be an open statement of contempt towards the other group's ornately decorated costume, and finally, lifting your leg in the rival lion's direction, well that'd be spending a proverbial penny on the other fellows, obviously.With this martial protocol in mind, our story begins with two rival clubs, one particularly amibitious and bully-heavy club belonging to Master Lu(the unfortunately named Chu Tit Wo) and one less treacherous one run by Master Zheng(Wilson Tong), performing their own ceremony, and competing against each other when the aforementioned Lu's discourtesies cause one helluva gravity-defying rowdydow between the two groups.Neither school's participants suffer from vertigo, that's for damn sure.Enter Yinlin(Mai Te Lo), a student of Zheng's, and Wong Fei Hung(Liu Chia Hui), a student of Master Wong's(Ku Feng), both top martial proponents forever in competition with each other and each willing to stoop to nearly any low just to one-up the other.Both men are in the habit of paying other martial artists off to take dives in their fights in attempts to snag bragging rights over which of the two took less blows to defeat their opponent.Unlike Wong, Yinlin's also got a propensity to show off his chi kung to the sluts at the local whorehouse, his home away from home, where Lu and his cronies set him up for a hearty beatdown after paying the whores to tie him up, leaving him vulnerable to sneak attack.

Wang Chu-Ying(Kara Hui-Ying Hung) wields as mint a Southern Hung Gar spear as any male practitioner.
The mostly goofy Wong is blamed for Yin's bone-shattering comeuppance by Zheng's students, of which Yinlin's own sister, Wang Chu-Ying(Hui-Ying Hung), also ranks among; a leggy kung fu cutie of great renown in her own right.Lu's strategy is deviously simple: Coax Zheng's school and Wong's school into destroying each other, so that his martial club will come out on top in the local gung fu prestige sweepstakes.He even invites both masters and their pupils to his operahouse as his guests, then tries to get them all incarcerated for not paying for their tickets(!).His trump card is Master Shan(Wang Lung Wei), a powerful expert visiting from the North who nearly killed Yinlin with a well-placed eagle claw to his throatpiece when the impetuous kung fool mistook him for one of his easy pay offs(Fei Hung takes the blame for that one, too).Shan gullibly falls for Lu's deceit, finally challenging Fei Hung to a Northern v. Southern duel that takes place in a stretch of winding back alleyway that narrows as it goes.Both fighters spin and whirl their way through the backstreet with expert proficiency, exchanging dragon fists for mantis and eagle claws, testing each other's stances, and glancing lightning-fast wheel and crescent kicks into the bricks, barely missing each other.In the end, Shan defeats Wong, but stands well-impressed of the young man's skills, never intending to kill him, but merely curious as to what level he had attained thus far.He suggests to Lu and company that they learn the meaning of honor and martial spirit and generally stop being assholes out to spoil everyone's good time.Cue:Obligatory Shaw Brothers freeze frame ending.

Wong Fei Hung(Liu Chia Hui) and Master Shan(Wang Lung Wei) test each other's geographically opposite pugilism skills in close quarters.
As hard as Martial Club is to overshadow, director Liu somehow managed to do so in his very next effort, Legendary Weapons of China(1982).Coincidentally, the Wong Fei Hung character was an actual person, the son of one of the Ten Tigers of Kwantung(the real ones that the Chang Cheh movie was based upon), who lived from 1847 'til 1924, practicing medicine, an expert in many gung fu styles, as well as lion dancing.The name probably sounds familiar to most kung fu fans as he's been depicted in martial arts movies countless times, dating back to 1949, the eighty-five Wong movies over the following twenty years(mostly starring a gaunt old fellow named Kwan Tak Hing, who you might remember in a cameo as Wong in Samo Hung's excellent Magnificent Butcher(1978), and a White Crane style master himself) helped serve as the foundation for modern Chinese martial arts movies as we now know them....Just some interesting minutiae I thought you might like to wrap your collective brainpieces around tonight.What else can I say about this entry?It's got slapstick humor, and showcases some of the best performances you'll ever see in a kung fu movie.On the scale, it's a perfect four wops, and highly recommended by yours cruelly.You'll love it!

My favorite cinematic kung fu fight ever deserves two screenshots.

"Dirty Ho"(1979)d/Liu Chia Liang

It was a good week for pugilism at the Wop, as I not only procured myself a bag o' Shaw Brothers goodies for my ever-pullulating gung fu dvd collection while prowling the streets of Chinatown, but also made the e-quaintance of the dually tasteful she's who run the Heroic Sisterhood-The Ladies' Asian Action Cinema Appreciation Society page over at FB, a stupendous blend of words and visuals from all the martial movies and proponents I've found to be so very choice since before I tied my very first sash.If you dig tornado kicks and tiger forks half as much as I do, you'll support this duo wholeheartedly ASAP.It is then, with respect and honour, that I dedicate tonight's review to them, and also to the dynamic matrimonial phenomenon known as "Drennifer", as deadly as the tiger and stork when combined on the offensive.
Dirty Ho was a 1979 kung fu comedy hit for paramount genre director Liu Chia Liang, enlisting archetypal performances from such familiar faces as (Gordon)Liu Chia Hui, (Kara) Hui Ying Hung, Hsiao Ho, Yung Wang Yu, Wilson Tong, and the baddest of the bad, Wang Lung Wei, in creating a dazzling demonstration of Chinese wuxia subtlety flavoured with his jaw-dropping style of fight choreography, trademark training sequences, and tongue-in-cheek jabs at the superheroic cartoon-esque genre cliches that other directors were turning with frequency during this era.Up until the aforementioned fateful trip into Manhattan's Asian community last week, Ho had remained a much-coveted title that had frustratingly eluded me for the past thirty years or so.Better late than never, as they say.After finally focusing the glassies upon it, I can honestly report that it transcended my already high expectations, acrobatically vaulting itself into my all-time favorites list, it being no small exhibit of fulgent fights between three or more martial practitioners at once.Onwards!

Ho Jen(Wang Yu) and Wang(Liu Chia Hui) throw cash, trinkets, and fists around for the attention of the local brothelites.
A brothel in the southern province of Guangdong is visited upon by a petty thief named Ho Jen(Yung Wang Yu), whose vulgar flaunting of valuables is only matched by a moustachioed jewelry dealer named Wang(Liu Chia Hui), who surreptitiously jacks his stolen goods when the police raid the funky joint.The one-upped Ho attempts to strong arm the businessman, who's travelling the countryside to sample wine, women, and antiques(ah, the finer things in life), unaware his mark is the eleventh prince in succession to the Emperor's throne, in disguise.Unwilling to display his martial skills, Wang instead imparts them into a lute-playing courtesan named Tsui Hung(Hui Ying Hung), puppeting her body to easily defeat Ho and slashing his forehead with a superficial poison-dipped blade in the process, causing the wound to continuously fester(thus, the directly translated title "Rotten Head Ho").Wang offers to heal the lesion, in exchange for a vow of amelioration from his dirty mischievin' and loyalty to the disguised prince as sifu, manners for antidote, to Ho's dismay.Meanwhile at the palace, the despicably power-mad Prince #4 is in cahoots with General Liang(Lo Lieh) in trying to dispatch Wang before he can return home for the ceremony where the Emperor names his successor, despite Wang's obvious distaste for royal life.The first two assassins come in the guise of Fan Tian Kong(Wang Lung Wei) and his assistant(Hsiao Ho), posing as a wine seller who offers Wang tastes of exotic wines, each served in different extravagant vessels, all the while subtlely attacking him with his expanding fan under a gentlemanly guise, unbeknownst to a bored Ho, who's convinced the stuffy men are simply tasting wines.Wang takes out both Fan and his acrobatic servant, rationalizing their slumped bodies as "overly drunk" to his oblivious pupil.

Wang uses courtesan Tsui Hong(Hui Ying Hung)and her pipa to defeat ya.
...And the fights don't stop there, folks, nosiree.Wang and Ho encounter "The Four Handicap Devils" along their path, each assassin feigning a different disability(one pretends to be missing an arm, one is sans leg, one has a fake hunchback, you get the idea, all in jest towards Chang Cheh's 'Crippled Avengers' and the earlier 'One-Armed Swordsman' films of Johnny Wang Yu), but the tricksters are no match for Ho, who's been goofily sporting an enormous patch of Chinese herbs on his forehead.Wang also matches legs with an "antiques dealer"(translation:assassin) named Mr. Chi(Wilson Tong) who's got razor-sharp blades sewn into the soles of his shoes, and a host of assistants with dagger edges jutting out of the front of theirs.The incognito prince injures his leg, forcing him to tutor Rotten Head in his style so that the young man can further assist him in the treacherous journey back to the palace(cue:training sequence).Ho delicately balances oil lamps on his shoulders while kicking a wooden plank inside a box lined with lit candles(how's that for upper body control?), until he's forced to fend off the incredibly heterodox "Seven Bitters", a gaggle of miscreants that includes an effeminate makeup sissy(with the uncanny ability to turn his opponent mid-fight into... an effeminate makeup sissy, what else?), a fatso who absorbs the power from any blow, and a crybaby.Ho also pushes Wang via fabricated souped up wheelchair over a hilltop where the duo is set upon by archers-in-wait whose arrows are rendered harmless by defensive umbrellas(!!), after which the protagonists wheel through, with Wang striking and defending from the comfort of his martial Hoveround(!!!).The Prince and his student finally face off against General Liang and two of his henchmen in a brutal and breathtaking long weapons tandem battle, coming out victoriously.In the end, Prince #11 makes it back to the palace just in time for his father's ceremony, and Ho takes a freeze framed strike for all of his cheekiness.

Tasting wines with Fan Tian Kong(Wang Lung Wei) can be dangerous to your health.
The prolific Chia Liang(try 162 movies as action choreographer on for size!) would also direct two other films the same year: a sequel to his Spiritual Boxer, and the popular Hsiao Ho vehicle, Mad Monkey Kung Fu, which he also co-starred in himself, as Uncle Chan.Chia Hui has scored roles in 2010's Hot Summer Days and True Legend(review coming soon, woprophiles) most recently.Yung Wang Yu, also a favorite of Liang's, remained active in front of the cameras until 1994.I get a kick out of some of the titles he's appeared in over the years, such as That's Adultery!(1975) and Spirit of the Raped the following year.Gotta see both of those some time.The ever-villanous Johnny Wang acted in 94 films until 2002, directing 9 himself.His fight sequence with Chia Hui and Hsiao Ho is my favorite by far in tonight's movie, and another one for the always expanding "Best Fight Scenes Ever" list I've yet to compile.As for Dirty Ho itself, it's a fucking classic in every sense of the word.If you dig kung fu movies, you really need to see it.On the scale, a perfect four wops.

"You haven't lived until you've fought Dirty Ho...and then you're dead!"

Legendary Weapons of China(1982)d/Liu Chia Liang

Let it be known on this drab and awful weekend,in a break between partying and entertaining monthecunts,I put before you,arguably, the greatest kung fu movie of all time.Liu Chia Liang was indeed the greatest director the martial world had seen,responsible for such epics as The 36th Chamber of Shaolin,Heroes of the East(both starring adopted brother "Gordon" Liu Chia Hui),and Jacky Chan's Drunken Master II.In your humble N's eyes,this is his masterpiece,showcasing all eighteen Shaolin weapons and weaving a fantastic tale of traditional kung fu and Taoist maoshan folk magic around an all-star cast that included my personal fave Fu Sheng,returning from breaking both legs during the filming of Deadly Breaking Sword.Amazing stuff transpires.You need to see this if you havent already.

Ti Hau's master pauses to give a metal salute to Helloween.
The Yi Ho Society,a branch of the anti-foreigner Boxer movement,practices Pugilism kung fu,a mix of fighting skills and dark magic,to combat Western bullets for the Empress Dowager's behalf.Only thing is,they arent impervious to bullets(!).Clan leader Lei Kung(director Liang himself) knows this and dissolves his branch,preferring to spare his pupils a death by gunpowder.The other branches set out to kill him for his believed treachery,led by Ti Tan(Gordon Liu,of Kill Bill-fame),Ti Hau(Hsiao Ho),and Fang Shao Ching(Hui Ying Hung).Kung's brother,Lei Ying(director's brother,Liu Chia Yung)is also looking for him,hiring a local conman(Fu Sheng) to pose as Kung to throw the others off the trail.In Yunan,all involved parties cross paths,unaware of who anyone is or what side they're on!

A conman's(Fu Sheng) body,controlled by a voodoo doll,does some seriously choice shit.
The Yi Ho practitioners use ventriloquism,smoke,darts,and magic,as well as kung fu and weaponry to weed out Kung,who is posing as an old woodsman in the village.Kung is a wily adversary though,and soon enlists Fang and Ti to help him regain his depleted martial skills,leading up to lengthy grandiose battles with Ti Tan,who he deafens(!), the Yi Ho leader himself, and his own treacherously greedy brother Ying,who only wants fame and money.The final battle encompasses all eighteen weapons in a knock down,drag out fight to the finish!

Lei Kung(Liang) prepares for a battle to the death with Lei Ying(Yung).
Liang started his career as a choreographer for the Shaw Brothers,and nowhere more than here does he prove he is a true master at his craft.A martial artist myself for the past twenty-six years,I could go on at great lengths at the dazzling display of weapons,forms,and fighting styles displayed herein,but I'll digress,instead asking you,the viewer,to see for yourself.If you're into kung fu,this is as good as it gets.If you're on the fence about the genre,this will turn you into a full-blown fan.There's only one score on the Wopsploitation scale this movie is worthy of,and that's the highest rating,which is:

If you blink,you'll miss some truly dazzling real kung fu here.