"7 Man Army" (1976) d/ Chang Cheh

What would you have if you packed the top Shaw Brothers stars of the day (Ti Lung, Fu Sheng, Chen Kuan Tai, Chi Kuan Chun...even David Chiang!) into a two hour Chinese version of "Zulu", as directed by Chang Cheh? Well, we're about to find out as we tackle 7 Man Army, or "Six Chinese Soldiers With Interesting Back Stories and an Orphaned Kid Hold Off Twenty Thousand Japanese Troops During the War", as it should probably be known. If you're thinking "I'd better install some seat belts on my sectional sofa before I pop this one in...", nobody in their right mind could feasibly blame you here.


"Put your muscles away already, Chu," pleads Private He (Fu Sheng).
In the midst of an epic battle between the heroic Chinese and those stereotypically dirty Japs, six soldiers rise to the bellicose occasion in keeping their homeland strewn with the bloody dead bodies for the nationalist cause, epically heroic cats like Battle Commander Wu (Ti Lung), Private Bai (David Chiang), Private He (Fu Sheng), Private Jiang (Chen Kuan Tai), Private Pan (Li Yi-Min), and Private Chu (Chi Kuan Chun). In any other war, a handful of mere soldiers would be soon dispatched under the might of thousands of  Imperial troops with superior firepower and weaponry, but these men have all suffered under the Japanese heel long enough, and it's time to let their gung fu do the talking. The Japs send in a squadron of Mongol mercenaries( "Beardy" and Johnny Wang), as led by Colonel Hu (Liu Chia Hui), but even these ruthless murderers in Sherlock Holmes hats are no match for the plucky Chinese troops, who have only just adopted a war orphan (Ting Wa Chung), while defending a captured fortress from the advancing foot soldiers, no less. Hot damn.


"Screw what anybody thinks. We'll start a Mongolian Sherlock Holmes Hat Appreciation Society, as of right now."
In each battle, just when you'd expect the bombardment of tank shells and bullets to intensify, it stops dead, and the Chinese and Japanese square off in large scale martial contests. Luckily for the outnumbered Chinese, the advantageous Imperialists choose to use their rifles as short staffs, rather than shoot them at point blank range, which would negate the defenders' many strategic grenade tosses that send any Japanese caught in frame magically sprawling ass o'er tit through the sky in an impressive puff of smoke. Gung Fu also never shrinks from battle against Karate. Never forget that. Several dramatic flashbacks later, the Japanese finally take the gloves off and send in an insurmountable number of troops and tanks, leaving the orphaned boy in charge of Private Bai's gold rings gift to his wife, who he's treated horribly prior to the current war business. In case I fall in battle, make sure she gets them, boy! I'll give you a sec to Kleenex up any sniffles you might be experiencing. You already see the end coming from a mile away, so I won't bother elaborating upon it, here.
 

"...like fish in a barrel, eh Suzuki?"
You'll recognize some future Venoms like Kuo Chui and Lu Feng in there as extras; Philip Ko Fei, Miao Tian, and Fung Ngai, who made a career out of playing Japanese bad guys for Shaw Brothers and Golden Harvest, are in there, too. If you're sitting down to watch this one, there's a good chance you aren't going to hold the production to any degree of historical accuracy, and you shouldn't. It's a balls out pro-Chinese bayonet-slashing, Imperialist head-cracking, flag waving good time full of stage blood and explosions, starring all your favorites in top form (...even David Chiang, for real). Despite the running time, it never drags or fails to entertain. And of course I was rooting for Gordon Liu, "Beardy", and Johnny Wang all the way. Three Wops. Hunt it down.


"There'll be children with robins and flowers, as sunshine caresses each new waking hour.", croons Battle Commander Wu (Ti Lung).

B.W.'s Top Twenty Favorite Kung Fu Actors : The Top Ten

We're back, like a former 98 lb martial weakling, fully trained in secret combat techniques and prepared to avenge our father's/brother's/sister's/mother's/sifu's untimely death at the hands of a villainous bastard who's rubbing his mustache and laughing cockily, thoroughly unfazed by this latest challenge; unaware that we've mastered the ancient counter-style, thought lost for years, and he's in for some serious foot-eating, in grueling slo-mo. Movement eight'een, Peacock displays his fancy ass-feathers to Buddha! Here's my top 10.


  10) Liu Chia Hui  The youngest of the Liu's behind Chia-Yung and eldest Chia-Liang, Gordon "Master Killer" Liu's instantly recognizable even to those beyond the HK fight club, appearing in Quentin Tarantino's Kill Bill series, after having a long and rich career in the Shaw Brothers productions of his older brothers and others; some of his best appearances coming in movies like Martial Club (1981), Heroes of the East (1978), Legendary Weapons of China (1982) and, of course,  The 36th Chamber of Shaolin (1978).


  9) Ti Lung  One of Shaw Brothers' early stars, the ever noble Ti Lung lends his unmistakable air of class to productions like The Deadly Duo (1971), Five Shaolin Masters (1974), and The Kung Fu Instructor (1979), as well as modern works such as John Woo's A Better Tomorrow (1986) and Liu Chia Liang's Drunken Master II (1994) opposite Jacky Chan.

 
   8) Kuo Chui   Number Four, the Lizard. My favorite Venom, Kuo usually plays a drunk or a wanderer or a beggar...or a drunken wandering beggar... in iconic Shaw Brothers productions for Chang Cheh like Daredevils of Kung Fu (1979), The Flag of Iron (1980), Five Element Ninjas (1982), as well as the aforementioned Five Venoms.


 7) Liang Chia Jen  We've come to "Beardy" himself! Though he's always been technically excellent, dating back to early Shaw flicks like Five Shaolin Masters (1974) and Marco Polo (1975), I prefer repeat viewings of his work in later films like Warriors Two (1978), Sleeping Fist (1979), The Victim (1980), Thundering Mantis (1980),  and Knockabout (1979) these days. All of his stuff is worth checking out, really.



  6) Billy Chong The Indonesian Willy Dozan was often billed as "Bruce Lee of the 80's" and was number one on my list for a long time, too,  often sparking arguments among us before and after many a kung fu class back then, but I stood firm on my choice, using movies like Super Power (1980), Kung Fu Executioner (1981), and Crystal Fist (1979) as visual evidence. Still a favorite.


  5) Liu Chia Liang The mere screen presence of this fight choreographer-turned-director, the elder statesman of the genre bar none,  uplifts any production to a must-see status. Though those appearances numbered ninety-three at the time of his death in 2013, with many glorious fights that instantly spring to mind, one only need bear witness to the spectacle that is the final fight in his own Legendary Weapons of China (1982) vs. his brother, Liu Chia Yung, to see a perfect jaw-dropping illustration.


  4) Fu Sheng  My favorite Chang Cheh regular has to be "Alexander" Fu Sheng, hands down. His comedic abilities, mischievous spirit, and general likability are top notch, and only matched by his prowess as a pugilist, having long trained under the tutelage of none other than Liu Chia Liang. Were it not for a tragic car accident in 1983, his international star would have surely rose to more dizzying heights, transcending the martial arts genre into mainstream comedy, as evidenced by the success of Hong Kong Playboys (1983).


  3) Bruce Lee Undoubtedly the King of the Kung Fu movie, and the Gold Standard by which all cinematic martial artists will forever be compared to. The four movies completed at the time of the iconic little tough guy's death in 1973, are all required viewing, for sure: Big Boss (1971), Fists of Fury (1972), Way of the Dragon (1972), and Enter the Dragon (1973).


  2) Jacky Chan In one instant, this former Peking Opera performer-turned-stunt man rose to the top by single-handedly revolutionizing the kung fu film with his own unique brand of physical kung fu comedy, performing all legendarily inhuman stunts himself along the way. Snake in the Eagle's Shadow (1978), Drunken Master (1978), Project A (1983), Police Story (1985), Armor of God (1986)...his list of excellent action movies is lengthy. If you've never seen his early classics, you're really selling yourself short as a film fan.


  1) Wang Lung Wei  Johnny Wang, who is without a doubt, the epitome of villainy in Asian action movies, naturally tops my list of favorites. "Who else... coooooooooould be", to quote Hwang Jang Lee. To Kill a Mastermind (1979), Martial Club (1981), Shaolin Temple (1976), and This Man is Dangerous (1985) contain some of my favorite vintage Wang assholery.

"The Shaolin Mantis" (1978) d/ Liu Chia Liang

By 1978, the stars of director/fight choreographer, Liu Chia Liang, and HK leading man, David Chiang, were headed in two different directions. Chiang had once headed the biggest productions out of Shaw Brothers Studios, usually opposite Ti Lung, during the arm-swinging early seventies when fight choreography wasn't nearly as scrutinized, and elder Liu was well on his way to legendary status in the genre already, having already helmed such classics as 1976's Challenge of the Masters, Executioners from Shaolin (1977), and The 36th Chamber of Shaolin/ Master Killer (1978) the same year as this minor effort, seemingly meant to boost Chiang back to his former box office glory with Liu's special brand of martial magic.


This particular chichi (Cecilia Wong) isn't served with Slim Jim's or Cheetos, but she still looks scrumptious.
After impressing the emperor (Hung Wei) with a methodically lackluster martial display, dismantling several martial experts including a Mongol (Lee Hoi San) and a monk (Liu Chia Hui, who else?), Wei Fung (David Chiang) is ordered to infiltrate the Tien Gang as a spy, and the longer his mission takes, the worse off all of his family will be for his procrastination: stripped of official titles, thrown in jail, beaten, and finally beheaded. Sheesh. Imagine if the emperor didn't dig his demonstration... It's a good thing he bumps into teenaged Tien Chi Chi (Cecilia Wong) as she's bullying her old tutor out the door, as he quickly talks his way into their residence as her new teacher, turning the frisky teen's focus to writing and reading rather than her preferred kung fu, which he pretends to know nothing at all of. Just as her Grandfather (Liu Chia Yung) discovers Wei's true background and intent, she becomes smitten with her tutor, and declares him her lover, forcing her angry family members to give Wei a martial mulligan, and not send him to his maker.


Did you remember to bring all your weapons, David?
At this point Wei and Chi Chi are married, while elder Tien warns his granddaughter that if her husband should ever try to leave their home, he and his brothers will be forced to kill him, in the name of the rebellion. Enjoying married life and not very concerned about his family's lives back home, Wei finally suggests that they visit his parents together, spurring on the family/gang's traditional five guard showdown, which Chi Chi joins her husband in fighting. Elder Tien doesn't take the news very well at all, killing both his granddaughter and his sympathetic wife (Lily Li) in the process, with Wei barely escaping with his life. Right about here, Wei observes some mantises in the field (on the set, really), and develops the Mantis fist to combat Elder Tien's deadly Shadow fist technique, using the insects as his instructors. As Wei returns on his word to the Tien residence, the final showdown jumps off, with expected results. Where's that Shaw Brothers freeze frame ending? Oh, there it is.


"...very good, and now, go catch your sifu a nice fat, pollenated bee."
Liu Chia Liang would also complete the amazing Heroes of the East the same year, so it's sort of easy to see how this effort sometimes gets overlooked. His middle brother, Chia Yung, who directed movies like Dirty Kung Fu (1978), Shaolin Warrior (1980), and 1982's The Fake Ghost Catchers, with Fu Sheng, also continued to act and perform in martial arts movies as recently as 2011. David Chiang, who crossed over in the Shaw/Hammer co-production The Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires in 1974, would go on to appear in things like Shaolin Handlock (1978),  Shaolin Abbot (1979), and The Lost Kung Fu Secret under the silly pseudonym Garth Lo in 1980, and though he continues to maintain a high cinematic profile, for this guy, his best work came in earlier Shaw productions, such as Vengeance (1970), The Heroic Ones (1970), and Blood Brothers (1973). His mantis fist displays here won't force you to forget Feng Ko An any time soon, that's for sure. The adorable Cecilia Wong, credited here as Huang Hsing-hsiu, can also be seen in things like Renegade Monk (1978) with John Liu, Liu Chia Liang's Spiritual Boxer II (1979), and 1981's Old Master. On the scale, two Wops. Decent, but nothing compared to Liang's masterworks. Worth a look.


"If you're gonna reverse jump twenty-five feet onto my gabled roof to safety, I suggest you do it now."

"Martial Club"(1981)d/Liu Chia Liang

If you woprophiles dig your kung fu movies(like I know you do), then I've got one you're really gonna blow yer glassies on tonight, one of the most paramount efforts from apex Shaw director Liu Chia Liang, showcasing what certainly has to be one of the top five cinematic fights of all-time, in what's arguably one of the all-time most exemplary offerings that the Asian action genre has ever offered, period.You don't get much better than that, folks, and I ain't just whistlin' Dixie.Take the assemblage of physical talent that appears in this Liu vehicle(besides Liang, never less than amazing himself): Liu Chia Hui, Wang Lung Wei, Hui Ying Hung, Hsiao Ho(who provides the breathtaking choreography, as well), Mai Te Lo, Ku Feng, and even Wilson Tong, to that you can add an original, highly entertaining screenplay centered around the famed lion dance ceremony(where sin qua non screen villain Johnny Wang does not play the antagonist for once!), and then there's the fights.By 'fights' I mean the unsurpassed non-stop action sequences on board that'll have you repeatedly hitting the rewind button on your remote until the pièce de résistance alley brawl between youngest Liu and Johnny Wang unfolds upon the screen.That the movie focuses instead on a message of respect and apology between martial artists, a la Liu's earlier Challenge of the Masters(1978)(which could be seen as a sort of prequel to this one), instead of the usual blood vengeance angle the world had seen at least thirteen thousand times over by 1981, is just one more facet to this rare and wondrous gem guaranteed to leave your lower jaw hanging loosely somewhere down around your sash by the time it all wraps up.

You havent seen a lion dance until you've seen one of Sifu Liu's.
After an educational introduction to the Chinese Lion Dance, as given by director Liu himself against a stark white background, where we learn the various improprieties one group of lion dancers might perpetrate against another if they were interested in causing them to lose face.Sniffing around the rival lion's ass means you find it to be feminine, whereas blinking your lion's eyes in its direction would be an open statement of contempt towards the other group's ornately decorated costume, and finally, lifting your leg in the rival lion's direction, well that'd be spending a proverbial penny on the other fellows, obviously.With this martial protocol in mind, our story begins with two rival clubs, one particularly amibitious and bully-heavy club belonging to Master Lu(the unfortunately named Chu Tit Wo) and one less treacherous one run by Master Zheng(Wilson Tong), performing their own ceremony, and competing against each other when the aforementioned Lu's discourtesies cause one helluva gravity-defying rowdydow between the two groups.Neither school's participants suffer from vertigo, that's for damn sure.Enter Yinlin(Mai Te Lo), a student of Zheng's, and Wong Fei Hung(Liu Chia Hui), a student of Master Wong's(Ku Feng), both top martial proponents forever in competition with each other and each willing to stoop to nearly any low just to one-up the other.Both men are in the habit of paying other martial artists off to take dives in their fights in attempts to snag bragging rights over which of the two took less blows to defeat their opponent.Unlike Wong, Yinlin's also got a propensity to show off his chi kung to the sluts at the local whorehouse, his home away from home, where Lu and his cronies set him up for a hearty beatdown after paying the whores to tie him up, leaving him vulnerable to sneak attack.

Wang Chu-Ying(Kara Hui-Ying Hung) wields as mint a Southern Hung Gar spear as any male practitioner.
The mostly goofy Wong is blamed for Yin's bone-shattering comeuppance by Zheng's students, of which Yinlin's own sister, Wang Chu-Ying(Hui-Ying Hung), also ranks among; a leggy kung fu cutie of great renown in her own right.Lu's strategy is deviously simple: Coax Zheng's school and Wong's school into destroying each other, so that his martial club will come out on top in the local gung fu prestige sweepstakes.He even invites both masters and their pupils to his operahouse as his guests, then tries to get them all incarcerated for not paying for their tickets(!).His trump card is Master Shan(Wang Lung Wei), a powerful expert visiting from the North who nearly killed Yinlin with a well-placed eagle claw to his throatpiece when the impetuous kung fool mistook him for one of his easy pay offs(Fei Hung takes the blame for that one, too).Shan gullibly falls for Lu's deceit, finally challenging Fei Hung to a Northern v. Southern duel that takes place in a stretch of winding back alleyway that narrows as it goes.Both fighters spin and whirl their way through the backstreet with expert proficiency, exchanging dragon fists for mantis and eagle claws, testing each other's stances, and glancing lightning-fast wheel and crescent kicks into the bricks, barely missing each other.In the end, Shan defeats Wong, but stands well-impressed of the young man's skills, never intending to kill him, but merely curious as to what level he had attained thus far.He suggests to Lu and company that they learn the meaning of honor and martial spirit and generally stop being assholes out to spoil everyone's good time.Cue:Obligatory Shaw Brothers freeze frame ending.

Wong Fei Hung(Liu Chia Hui) and Master Shan(Wang Lung Wei) test each other's geographically opposite pugilism skills in close quarters.
As hard as Martial Club is to overshadow, director Liu somehow managed to do so in his very next effort, Legendary Weapons of China(1982).Coincidentally, the Wong Fei Hung character was an actual person, the son of one of the Ten Tigers of Kwantung(the real ones that the Chang Cheh movie was based upon), who lived from 1847 'til 1924, practicing medicine, an expert in many gung fu styles, as well as lion dancing.The name probably sounds familiar to most kung fu fans as he's been depicted in martial arts movies countless times, dating back to 1949, the eighty-five Wong movies over the following twenty years(mostly starring a gaunt old fellow named Kwan Tak Hing, who you might remember in a cameo as Wong in Samo Hung's excellent Magnificent Butcher(1978), and a White Crane style master himself) helped serve as the foundation for modern Chinese martial arts movies as we now know them....Just some interesting minutiae I thought you might like to wrap your collective brainpieces around tonight.What else can I say about this entry?It's got slapstick humor, and showcases some of the best performances you'll ever see in a kung fu movie.On the scale, it's a perfect four wops, and highly recommended by yours cruelly.You'll love it!

My favorite cinematic kung fu fight ever deserves two screenshots.

"Dirty Ho"(1979)d/Liu Chia Liang

It was a good week for pugilism at the Wop, as I not only procured myself a bag o' Shaw Brothers goodies for my ever-pullulating gung fu dvd collection while prowling the streets of Chinatown, but also made the e-quaintance of the dually tasteful she's who run the Heroic Sisterhood-The Ladies' Asian Action Cinema Appreciation Society page over at FB, a stupendous blend of words and visuals from all the martial movies and proponents I've found to be so very choice since before I tied my very first sash.If you dig tornado kicks and tiger forks half as much as I do, you'll support this duo wholeheartedly ASAP.It is then, with respect and honour, that I dedicate tonight's review to them, and also to the dynamic matrimonial phenomenon known as "Drennifer", as deadly as the tiger and stork when combined on the offensive.
Dirty Ho was a 1979 kung fu comedy hit for paramount genre director Liu Chia Liang, enlisting archetypal performances from such familiar faces as (Gordon)Liu Chia Hui, (Kara) Hui Ying Hung, Hsiao Ho, Yung Wang Yu, Wilson Tong, and the baddest of the bad, Wang Lung Wei, in creating a dazzling demonstration of Chinese wuxia subtlety flavoured with his jaw-dropping style of fight choreography, trademark training sequences, and tongue-in-cheek jabs at the superheroic cartoon-esque genre cliches that other directors were turning with frequency during this era.Up until the aforementioned fateful trip into Manhattan's Asian community last week, Ho had remained a much-coveted title that had frustratingly eluded me for the past thirty years or so.Better late than never, as they say.After finally focusing the glassies upon it, I can honestly report that it transcended my already high expectations, acrobatically vaulting itself into my all-time favorites list, it being no small exhibit of fulgent fights between three or more martial practitioners at once.Onwards!

Ho Jen(Wang Yu) and Wang(Liu Chia Hui) throw cash, trinkets, and fists around for the attention of the local brothelites.
A brothel in the southern province of Guangdong is visited upon by a petty thief named Ho Jen(Yung Wang Yu), whose vulgar flaunting of valuables is only matched by a moustachioed jewelry dealer named Wang(Liu Chia Hui), who surreptitiously jacks his stolen goods when the police raid the funky joint.The one-upped Ho attempts to strong arm the businessman, who's travelling the countryside to sample wine, women, and antiques(ah, the finer things in life), unaware his mark is the eleventh prince in succession to the Emperor's throne, in disguise.Unwilling to display his martial skills, Wang instead imparts them into a lute-playing courtesan named Tsui Hung(Hui Ying Hung), puppeting her body to easily defeat Ho and slashing his forehead with a superficial poison-dipped blade in the process, causing the wound to continuously fester(thus, the directly translated title "Rotten Head Ho").Wang offers to heal the lesion, in exchange for a vow of amelioration from his dirty mischievin' and loyalty to the disguised prince as sifu, manners for antidote, to Ho's dismay.Meanwhile at the palace, the despicably power-mad Prince #4 is in cahoots with General Liang(Lo Lieh) in trying to dispatch Wang before he can return home for the ceremony where the Emperor names his successor, despite Wang's obvious distaste for royal life.The first two assassins come in the guise of Fan Tian Kong(Wang Lung Wei) and his assistant(Hsiao Ho), posing as a wine seller who offers Wang tastes of exotic wines, each served in different extravagant vessels, all the while subtlely attacking him with his expanding fan under a gentlemanly guise, unbeknownst to a bored Ho, who's convinced the stuffy men are simply tasting wines.Wang takes out both Fan and his acrobatic servant, rationalizing their slumped bodies as "overly drunk" to his oblivious pupil.

Wang uses courtesan Tsui Hong(Hui Ying Hung)and her pipa to defeat ya.
...And the fights don't stop there, folks, nosiree.Wang and Ho encounter "The Four Handicap Devils" along their path, each assassin feigning a different disability(one pretends to be missing an arm, one is sans leg, one has a fake hunchback, you get the idea, all in jest towards Chang Cheh's 'Crippled Avengers' and the earlier 'One-Armed Swordsman' films of Johnny Wang Yu), but the tricksters are no match for Ho, who's been goofily sporting an enormous patch of Chinese herbs on his forehead.Wang also matches legs with an "antiques dealer"(translation:assassin) named Mr. Chi(Wilson Tong) who's got razor-sharp blades sewn into the soles of his shoes, and a host of assistants with dagger edges jutting out of the front of theirs.The incognito prince injures his leg, forcing him to tutor Rotten Head in his style so that the young man can further assist him in the treacherous journey back to the palace(cue:training sequence).Ho delicately balances oil lamps on his shoulders while kicking a wooden plank inside a box lined with lit candles(how's that for upper body control?), until he's forced to fend off the incredibly heterodox "Seven Bitters", a gaggle of miscreants that includes an effeminate makeup sissy(with the uncanny ability to turn his opponent mid-fight into... an effeminate makeup sissy, what else?), a fatso who absorbs the power from any blow, and a crybaby.Ho also pushes Wang via fabricated souped up wheelchair over a hilltop where the duo is set upon by archers-in-wait whose arrows are rendered harmless by defensive umbrellas(!!), after which the protagonists wheel through, with Wang striking and defending from the comfort of his martial Hoveround(!!!).The Prince and his student finally face off against General Liang and two of his henchmen in a brutal and breathtaking long weapons tandem battle, coming out victoriously.In the end, Prince #11 makes it back to the palace just in time for his father's ceremony, and Ho takes a freeze framed strike for all of his cheekiness.

Tasting wines with Fan Tian Kong(Wang Lung Wei) can be dangerous to your health.
The prolific Chia Liang(try 162 movies as action choreographer on for size!) would also direct two other films the same year: a sequel to his Spiritual Boxer, and the popular Hsiao Ho vehicle, Mad Monkey Kung Fu, which he also co-starred in himself, as Uncle Chan.Chia Hui has scored roles in 2010's Hot Summer Days and True Legend(review coming soon, woprophiles) most recently.Yung Wang Yu, also a favorite of Liang's, remained active in front of the cameras until 1994.I get a kick out of some of the titles he's appeared in over the years, such as That's Adultery!(1975) and Spirit of the Raped the following year.Gotta see both of those some time.The ever-villanous Johnny Wang acted in 94 films until 2002, directing 9 himself.His fight sequence with Chia Hui and Hsiao Ho is my favorite by far in tonight's movie, and another one for the always expanding "Best Fight Scenes Ever" list I've yet to compile.As for Dirty Ho itself, it's a fucking classic in every sense of the word.If you dig kung fu movies, you really need to see it.On the scale, a perfect four wops.

"You haven't lived until you've fought Dirty Ho...and then you're dead!"

"The Treasure Hunters"(1982)d/Liu Chia Yung

Tonight we look at a hugely successful Shaw Brothers kung fu comedy, directed by middle Liu brother, Chia Yung, and starring the late Fu Sheng while introducing his own real life brother Chang Chan Peng, as well as third Liu, the venerable Chia Hui and his ever shaved head, Wang Lung Wei, the essential martial bad guy of all-time, paired with high kicking swordstress, Yang Ching Ching, this time around, and even a humorous cameo by the director himself as a cratchety antiques dealer.Especially notable, Fu Sheng had just broken both his legs on another film and worries had arisen whether he'd ever be able to physically perform in front of the cameras again.Judging by this movie, he quickly put everyone's fears to rest, trampolining himself into the air from shop awnings and pole vaulting himself into action from the opening sequences on the lush Shaw Brothers sets.As for the chemistry between Sheng and Peng, they play off each other effectively throughout the film, with Sheng as a sort of Lou Costello to Peng's Bud Abbott.Also notable here is the noticeable difference between Liang and his brother Yung when directing movies.Liang's movies always have a deep-rooted morality at their core, while Yung abandons morals for laughs at every juncture, as is evident here; the main protagonists are a con man/thief and a spoiled rich kid, with nary a moral to share between them, but the audiences are expected to cheer the enterprising criminals on and laugh at their broad jokes.I doubt you'd be asked of the same in any Liang movie.

"Do you take credit cards?" asks Chau Chu Chi(Chang Chan Peng).
At the outset, we see a cross-eyed sheriff(To Siu Ming) escorting his obese wife by horse across the badlands when he's set upon by a masked bandit while his two hundred men lie in wait in the high grass and surrounding cliff ledges.He steals the official's gun, armband, and horse, leaving the lazy-eyed lawman to discover that the thief had only set up dummies and weapons to give the illusion of a crew of villainous henchmen.Worse yet, he's now forced to carry Fatty on his back the rest of the way.Back in town, Chi Ta Po(Fu Sheng) snickeringly relates the story to a number of friends, then demands payment for the laughs he's just provided them.While eating at the restaurant, he notices a self-centered young nobleman(Chang Chan Peng) running up his own bill with piles of extravagant food he'd never finish even if he wanted to.Chu convinces Chi to enter into a partnership with him, where they share everything, including the massive debt he's just entered into and has no cash to pay, leading them both into a massive fight with the restaurant's men.Afterwards, Chi is inadvertently captured by the sheriff, and Chu writes a bad personal check to pay his bail, promising his partner the majority of Chan Po Chu's fabled treasure, once the two men find it.They surmise that a stack of the deceased Chan's letters, now owned by an elderly antiques dealer(Liu Chia Yung), must contain clues to the fortune's whereabouts, so they set out first to buy them, and if that doesn't work, there's always stealing...

Fu Sheng picks on the cross-eyed To Siu Ming every chance he gets.
Also searching for the treasure is Lord Mo(Wang Lung Wei) and his deadly female cohort(Yang Ching Ching), killing anyone who looks for the treasure and blaming the murders on a travelling Buddhist monk(Liu Chia Hui)and his five monk entourage.If you're looking for the motivation for anybody seeking the riches, or why killing those who do is an effective strategy, you're watching the wrong movie.Chi and Chu manage to steal the letters by using the exorbinant value of the dealer's other antiques to their advantage in a late night fight, after being caught breaking into his home.They decide that the monk must know the whereabouts of the treasure, and after trying to get him arrested by the flaccid lawman, they befriend him instead when they become aware of Lord Mo's treachery, leading to another martial battle of epic proportions where Mo and his female sidekick easily defeat Chi, Chu, and the monk, whose leg gets slashed in the process.The student monks rescue the men, but are unable to defeat Mo as their special Five Monk Array technique is ineffective due to their injured master.Away from the melee, the injured monk teaches Chu to join in the acrobatic, pyramid-like technique in his place, while Chi surmises that glue would help him greatly in a square off against the female's swords.What follows is a dizzying free-for-all involving glue cannisters, tumbling monks, and wooden practice dummies that will leave the audience gasping for breath by the time the words "Another Shaw Classic" flash on the screen.

Mo Seung(Liu Chia Hui), the monk, is dragged into the scramble for Chan Po Chu's treasure.
Yung's directorial credits include Dirty Kung Fu(1978),The Fake Ghost Catchers(1982),Wits of the Brats(1984),and Skinny Tiger, Fatty Dragon(1990), some of which we'll look at later on.If I was gonna list his acting or fight choreographer credits, I could be here all day.I shouldn't have to mention too much about my favorite Shaw Brothers actor here, except that he went on to star in Hong Kong Playboys(1983), Wits of the Brats, and his final appearance in Liu Chia Liang's Eight-Diagram Pole Fighter(1983) after completing this one.Peng seems to have completely dropped off the radar after appearing in only five movies; this being his only starring turn.As for the evil Wang Lung Wei, who's become one of my favorites over the years, we'll be looking at a film of his where he isn't the villain later on.You'll wanna be around for that.The flexible, potent Yang Ching Ching scored herself 11 assistant fight choreographer credits, as well as acting in 36 films herself.If you're into action-packed kung fu comedies, this will be the movie you've been looking for.Amazing martial arts and stunts, some good laughs, and a cast packed with Shaw Brothers stars, it merits the full four big ones on the scale.Look for it!

Lord Mo(Wang Lung Wei) has no problem holding off Chu, Chi, and two wooden practice men.

Legendary Weapons of China(1982)d/Liu Chia Liang

Let it be known on this drab and awful weekend,in a break between partying and entertaining monthecunts,I put before you,arguably, the greatest kung fu movie of all time.Liu Chia Liang was indeed the greatest director the martial world had seen,responsible for such epics as The 36th Chamber of Shaolin,Heroes of the East(both starring adopted brother "Gordon" Liu Chia Hui),and Jacky Chan's Drunken Master II.In your humble N's eyes,this is his masterpiece,showcasing all eighteen Shaolin weapons and weaving a fantastic tale of traditional kung fu and Taoist maoshan folk magic around an all-star cast that included my personal fave Fu Sheng,returning from breaking both legs during the filming of Deadly Breaking Sword.Amazing stuff transpires.You need to see this if you havent already.

Ti Hau's master pauses to give a metal salute to Helloween.
The Yi Ho Society,a branch of the anti-foreigner Boxer movement,practices Pugilism kung fu,a mix of fighting skills and dark magic,to combat Western bullets for the Empress Dowager's behalf.Only thing is,they arent impervious to bullets(!).Clan leader Lei Kung(director Liang himself) knows this and dissolves his branch,preferring to spare his pupils a death by gunpowder.The other branches set out to kill him for his believed treachery,led by Ti Tan(Gordon Liu,of Kill Bill-fame),Ti Hau(Hsiao Ho),and Fang Shao Ching(Hui Ying Hung).Kung's brother,Lei Ying(director's brother,Liu Chia Yung)is also looking for him,hiring a local conman(Fu Sheng) to pose as Kung to throw the others off the trail.In Yunan,all involved parties cross paths,unaware of who anyone is or what side they're on!

A conman's(Fu Sheng) body,controlled by a voodoo doll,does some seriously choice shit.
The Yi Ho practitioners use ventriloquism,smoke,darts,and magic,as well as kung fu and weaponry to weed out Kung,who is posing as an old woodsman in the village.Kung is a wily adversary though,and soon enlists Fang and Ti to help him regain his depleted martial skills,leading up to lengthy grandiose battles with Ti Tan,who he deafens(!), the Yi Ho leader himself, and his own treacherously greedy brother Ying,who only wants fame and money.The final battle encompasses all eighteen weapons in a knock down,drag out fight to the finish!

Lei Kung(Liang) prepares for a battle to the death with Lei Ying(Yung).
Liang started his career as a choreographer for the Shaw Brothers,and nowhere more than here does he prove he is a true master at his craft.A martial artist myself for the past twenty-six years,I could go on at great lengths at the dazzling display of weapons,forms,and fighting styles displayed herein,but I'll digress,instead asking you,the viewer,to see for yourself.If you're into kung fu,this is as good as it gets.If you're on the fence about the genre,this will turn you into a full-blown fan.There's only one score on the Wopsploitation scale this movie is worthy of,and that's the highest rating,which is:

If you blink,you'll miss some truly dazzling real kung fu here.