"Nosferatu the Vampyre"(1979)d/Werner Herzog

Fifty-seven years after F.W. Murnau's silent classic, Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Grauens(1922), German conductor of cinema, Warner Herzog, who felt the landmark expressionist film was the unequivocal Dracula film of all-time, set out to pay homage to it in his own nonpareil style, with the finished product being one of the most stylish, atmospheric vampire films ever made.He enlisted his favorite tantrum-throwing shot-dresser in the role of Count Dracula in five time collaborator, Klaus Kinski, who gives an entirely singular intrepretation of the blood drinker; free of the romance and nobility trademark to other actors' portrayals, instead delivering a miserably lonely predatory wretch who's ultimately undone by the desire to steal a longer embrace in the busom of a woman.His performance here is one of the best he ever gave, arguably the best work he'd done with Herzog.In the female lead as Lucy Harker is Isabelle Adjani(Joyeux Anniversaire, mon cherie!), who gives an alluring performance full of prurience and tenacity, as always.Bruno Ganz, who would later give one of the most amazing portrayals of Adolph Hitler(and most playfully re-subtitled on YouTube) ever seen in Hirschbiegel's "Downfall"(2004), is Jonathan.The atmospheric soundtrack was supplied by Krautrockers extraordinaire, Popul Vuh; a prominent aspect of the film, due to the sparse dialogue in both the German language and English prints.Herzog's camera, though, is the real star, advancing the story through imagery, using distortion, shadows, and elongated cuts to set the disquieted mood throughout.Those looking for explicit sex and gore will be dually disappointed to find instead this beautiful expression of terror that will no doubt be remembered as one of the best of its ilk.Ian, this one's for you, brother!

After 146 years the children realized they'd probably won this round of 'Hide and Seek'.
After a fascinating montage of Mexican mummified choleric victims, we meet real estate agent Jonathan Harker(Bruno Ganz) as his chuckle-happy boss Renfield(Roland Topor) assigns him to a four week trip from Germany to Transylvania, to meet with a nobleman named Dracula(Klaus Kinski) who's interested in buying a property in Wismar.After bidding his young wife Lucy(Isabelle Adjani) adieu, he embarks on his journey, which brings him to the obligatory village of superstitious fools who forewarn him of the perilous evil ahead of him.He laughs off the tales of vampirism and continues on to the castle alone, where he meets the blueblood, who resembles a forlorn hairless rat.Dracula is instantly agog at a portrait of Jonathan's spouse, and unhesitatingly signs the property contract.During his nights at the castle, Harker is repeatedly haunted by terrifying avowals of Dracula's lust for claret, while concurrently back in Wismar, Renfield, now inexplicably crackers, has bitten a cow(!) and bought himself a comfy padded cell at the asylum, and Lucy suffers from nightly Eschatonist visions of terror herself.Harker discovers the Count slumbering in his coffin during the day, corroborating the peasants' superstitions.After the sun sets, Dracula sets off for Wismar by boat, bringing caskets full of his native earth on the journey while Jonathan finds himself helplessly left behind and locked in the castle.He attempts escape through a high window by makeshift rope but plummets to the ground and gravely injures himself in the process.He awakens to the strains of gypsy violin played by a young peasant and ends up in a local hospital, rambling incoherently about coffins to the medics.

Renfield(Roland Topor) has some pretty flies for a white guy.
Meanwhile, a ghost ship docks in Wismar, packed with a bloodless crew of corpses and a billowing sea of diseased rats that flood the town's streets.Abraham Van Helsing(Walter Ladengast) discovers the ship's log, which tells of a spreading plague that seals the fates of all seamen aboard.Before long, death is visited upon the people of Wismar in the same manner, with parades of coffins on the desolate streets.Plague-affected citizens greet their impending demise with an outdoor feast amidst a swarm of rats at their feet.Jonathan finally returns home, perilously ill, and unable to recognize even his own wife.Lucy encounters the inert, pale aristo, who demands that she capitulate her love to him but she adamantly abnegates his horrific advances to his astonishment.Suddenly conscious of a greater threat to the populace of Wismar, she vainly tries to persuade the discerned townsfolk before devising a plan of attack of her own.Using the Count's adulation for her, she lures him to her bedchamber and allows him to noisily sup at her throat, diverting his attention to the coming dawn.The sun's rays paralyze the vampire in a crumpled heap on the bedroom floor, where Van Helsing finds him, adjacent to Lucy's lifeless form on the bed.He hammers a wooden stake through the monster's heart, dispatching him for keeps, when Jonathan arises from his sickness, now tranformed into a member of the undead himself.Harker calls for Van Helsing's subsequent arrest on charges of murder.He cryptically states that he has much to do, before galloping off on horseback.

"If I coult only train zees plague rats to bite Werner!" thinks Dracula(Klaus Kinski).
Nine years later Kinski would reprise his role of Dracula(sort of) in an unofficial Italian sequel to the Herzog film, entitled "Nosferatu a Venezia", directed partially by Augusto Caminito(and according to Kinski's biography, several others including Kinski himself in spots).Kinski, true to his difficult nature, refused to shave his head for the role or wear makeup other than the signature fangs, instead displaying long blond hair this time around.His trademark shouted insults sent Mario Caiano, the original director, running for the front door.We'll check that one out here in the future, for sure.As for Nosferatu, it's a visually breathtaking and profound experience you really need to check out for yourselves if you've never managed to catch it.On the rating scale, perfection.Highly recommended.

Lucy(Isabelle Adjani) gets blood-drained and squeeze-titted all at the same time.

"Bad Lieutenant Port of Call:New Orleans"(2009)d/Werner Herzog

To compare tonight's entry to 1992's Bad Lieutenant,a perfectly twisted masterpiece by NYC's visionary genius Abel Ferrara,one of my favorite movies of the nineties(and one of late mother's favorites too.She'd regularly rock a Lieutenant t-shirt with pride.Old ladies walked out on a local screening at the Kirby Center upon release,and my old lady loved it.Ti amo sempre,mama.)with an amazingly over-the-top performance by Harvey Keitel,one of my favorite actors,would just be unfair to either vehicle.Expectedly,I balked at the thought of any sort of remake or sequel to such a bizarre cult classic,and stood my ground on the matter,even after hearing this particular film was to be helmed by Werner Herzog,another master of the medium who's nosebleed high on my favorite list.Ferrara,always the brashly opinionated rascal,said of the idea,"As far as remakes go, ... I wish these people die in Hell. I hope they're all in the same streetcar, and it blows up."Normally,I'm with you one hundred percent,Abel,but in this particular case,I really don't see Herzog's offering as a sequel or remake of your movie,despite the unfortunate title and vague similarities(massive amounts of on-screen drug usage,degenerate gambling,drug-induced hallucinations,etc)found therein.In fact,Herzog's movie will most likely achieve eventual cult status itself,and mostly on its own merit,though I can't imagine that Werner's claims to have never seen the original or heard of Ferrara have any basis in reality.Nic Cage turns in his most dynamically bananas performance since Scorsese's Bringing Out the Dead(1999),proving he's capable of far more than big budgeted duds like Con Air,The Wicker Man remake, or National Treasure,which he'll probably be remembered for,sadly enough.Attn:Elitist cine-snobs(I know from experience,trust me),give Port of Call a screening,and see if you don't walk away thoroughly entertained by the wild experience.

"Cocaine a very powerful drug."-Rick James
Terrence McDonagh(Nicolas Cage) has just been promoted to lieutenant,after rescuing a prisoner(after scolding the shit out of him first) while cleaning out his locker after Hurricane Katrina,a stunt that has left the officer nursing a permanent back injury with Vicodin,marijuana,and cocaine(there's a homeopathic remedy I could get behind).Six months later,we see that McDonagh,who has been assigned to a multiple homicide of six illegal Senegalese immigrants,uses his badge to score drugs whenever he can,often sharing his controlled bounty with a prostitute named Frankie(Eva Mendes),who doubles as his girlfriend.When he's not scouring the N'awlins streets for clues to the murders,he's betting large with his bookie(Brad "Chucky" Douriff),bullying clubgoers for their drugs(and their dates for impromptu fuck sessions right out in the street),visiting his estranged father,a recovering alcoholic,and his stepmother(Jennifer "Stifler's mom" Coolidge),who's a full-blown beer-guzzling bloated piece of trash,and hallucinating his balls off,usually concerning iguanas.He throws his weight around when one of Frankie's clients spends their date physically abusing her,but when the john turns out to be mob tied,McDonagh is faced with another burgeoning debt and two days to pay it in full.He hooks up with a highway patrolwoman(Fairuza Balk)at the scene of an alligator/car accident,but proves to be completely uninterested in her sexual advances,wanting her to score him some drugs from her evidence room instead.

McDonagh(Nic Cage),banged out on drugs,pinches off an old lady's oxygen tube while poking his loaded burner in another's grillpiece.Pretty impressive.
When an auditory witness to the drug-related murders materializes in the form of a teenaged delivery boy who can bring down the chief suspect,a drug kingpin known as Big Fate(Xzibit),and his two associates,Midget and G(who's street nick brings the lieutenant to tears of laughter everytime he says it out loud),he takes the boy with him on his drug-soaked rounds,ultimately losing him in the process.When the boy's grandmother,a nursing home assistant,refuses to divulge his whereabouts,McDonagh pinches off her patient's oxygen tube while poking Granny in the puss with his loaded piece to get the answers he's looking for.After being delegated to the evidence room(what a slap on the wrist!)for his rough treatment of the seniors,the lieutenant joins forces with Big Fate,giving him the 4-1-1 on pending drug busts in return for cash to pay his bookie and uncut Peruvian fairy dust.To celebrate their new partnership,McDonagh urges Fate to smoke pure coke with him out of his "lucky crack pipe",before the mafiosi barge in,demanding their payment plus interest.The gangbangers shoot and kill the organized racketeers,the lieutenant plants the aforementioned pipe at the earlier murder scene,using dNa to tie Fate to his crimes,and his latest bet pays out big.When his partner(Val Kilmer)tries to shoot Fate on the spot,to avoid the criminal's escape from justice,McDonagh talks him down and cuffs the suspect,earning him another promotion,this time to Captain.A year later,with his parents and streetwalking girlfriend all enjoying sobriety,McDonagh is banged out on smack when he runs into the prisoner he originally rescued from the flood waters at the local aquarium.The ex-con claims to also have been sober for the past year,and offers to help the officer who saved his life in doing the same,to which McDonagh groggily asks,"Do fish have dreams?",as both men sit against one of the fish tanks.Crazy,man,crazy!

Would YOU be worried about scoring more drugs with Fairuza Balk alleycatting all over your pelvis in dirty hot boudoir gear?Me neither.
As of this writing,Port of Call remains a box office failure,some fifteen million short of its twenty-five million dollar budget,but the critics have been pretty positive about the experience,and I foresee the film gaining a large cult audience over time,despite its shortcomings.For those of you unaware of New German cinema pioneer(along with Fassbinder,Wenders),Werner Herzog,his work in films like Aguirre Wrath of God(1972),Signs of Life(1968),Nosferatu the Vampyre(1979),or Fitzcarraldo(1982) would all be good starting points for your collective woproscopes.He's certainly one of the all-time greats,bar none.Though Cage's best work seems to have come earlier in his career,in movies like Valley Girl,Rumble Fish,Rasing Arizona,Leaving Las Vegas,etc,he rises to the challenge in Port of Call and gives a pretty amazing performance,guaranteed to have you double taking at the screen more than once.Mendes co-starred in Ghost Rider with Cage,a screen adaption that fell flat in my opinion,and I read the comic book religiously back in the seventies.Among the producers for tonight's entry was Boaz Davidson,whose first American work(Last American Virgin) we covered towards the end of last year here at the Wop.As for the rating,I'd give Port of Call a perfect four wops,if it wasn't burdoned with such an unfortunate direct-to-video sounding title,but three solid wops is nothing to sneeze about,especially if you've got a half ounce of uncut llello sitting under your nostrils.Recommended.

I have moments like this every single day.