"Crippled Avengers" (1978) d/ Chang Cheh

It's been a minute since we looked at any gung fu here at the Wop, so I figured we'd cover another late seventies Shaw Brothers classic from Chang Cheh starring his popular Venom Mob stable: The affable Kuo Chui (The Lizard), the personable Chiang Sheng (Hybrid Venom), the hot-headed musclebound Lo Mang (The Toad), the kick-riffic Sun Chien (The Scorpion), and the treacherous Lu Feng (The Centipede), the only fellow missing is Pai Wei (The Snake), but he'd turn up in other Cheh vehicles with his cinematic gang mates. Also on board, is the man himself, Johnny Wang Lung Wei, in another memorably villainous turn with a ball and chain (actual weapon, not a wife, don't get excited, SJW's). Maybe more surprising, is the participation of Chen Kuan Tai, usually a distinguished hero in these pictures, as a major cock of a bad guy.


Being fitted for extending iron hands that shoot darts lessens the blow of having your arms amputated by angry bandits.
While Tao Tien Tu (Chen Kuan Tai) is away on business, his homestead is set upon by members of the ruthless Tien Nan Tiger gang, who proceed to chop his pleading wife's legs off and his young son's arms off (that's a calling card, huh) before he can return in time to dole out ample Tiger Claw retribution upon these villainous bastards. After his wife succumbs from her wounds, Tao vows to construct his newly crippled boy some nifty iron arms, to assist in his gung fu proficiency as he grows up. We then meet Tao Sheng (Lu Feng) as a bitter young Tiger style proponent with iron arms, who, aided by his equally bitter old man and his loyal henchman, Lin Wing (Wang Lung Wei), enjoys playing judge, jury, and executioner to every poor son of a bitch that they deem to have shown disrespect in some regard. Their brutal martial bullying leaves the wanderer Chen Shun (Kuo Chui) blind after Sheng gives him the Iron Moe Howard to his ocular orbits, the iron smith Wei Da (Lo Mang) dumb and deaf, Hu Ah-kuei (Sun Chien) loses his legs, and Wang Yi (Chiang Sheng) gets his head squeezed in a vice until he's an idiot. These guys don't mess around...


"Which one of you bastards would like a crippling lesson?", queries Tao Tien Tu (Chen Kuan Tai).
Wang Yi's teacher takes in the crippled bunch as students, repairing their bodies and minds with gung fu, as is so often the case. The men craft some iron legs for Hu, and Chen and Wei are taught to use their handicaps to their pugilistic advantage (as is so often the case). Meanwhile, Wang Yi is able to fight as he did before the torture, he just has the attention span of a child on four bowls of Super Sugar Crisp. In between more incapacitating life lessons served up by the evil trio anytime someone bumps into one of them or mentions Sheng's handicap (which, for the record, is a lot), even more cronies are hired for protection with a party celebrating Tao's martial accomplishments on the horizon, making the already laborious task of exacting revenge near to impossible for our heroes. Will they be able to defeat the Tiger Claw master and his small army? Will there be ample doubling and blood drenched two man kata action to wow even the hardest of gung fu fanatics to please? I shouldn't have to spell it all out for you, grab a copy, and see for yourselves!


"Second word...sounds like anacusis...martial bruises? Oh, it IS anacusis..."
Not to be confused with 1979's Crippled Masters, which featured actual handicapped gents, one with no arms, and another with no real legs to speak of. That's another review...Tonight's,  also known as Return of the Five Deadly Venoms,  is one of the wilder entries in Cheh's canon with the full Venom Mob, filled with bloody limbs, torture, and the usual dazzling display of skills we've come to expect from the familiar cast of characters. The fight scenes maintain the same standard of excellence, and some impressive acrobatics from Kuo,Chiang, and Lu throughout the production. Wang Lung Wei does his thing, and Chen Kuan Tai is effective as a villain here, as well. One of my favorite Cheh productions of the period, it should become one of yours, too, if it isn't already. Three Wops, and highly recommended.


"Let me blow this sneezing powder in your face...it'll be hilarious, come on!"

"7 Man Army" (1976) d/ Chang Cheh

What would you have if you packed the top Shaw Brothers stars of the day (Ti Lung, Fu Sheng, Chen Kuan Tai, Chi Kuan Chun...even David Chiang!) into a two hour Chinese version of "Zulu", as directed by Chang Cheh? Well, we're about to find out as we tackle 7 Man Army, or "Six Chinese Soldiers With Interesting Back Stories and an Orphaned Kid Hold Off Twenty Thousand Japanese Troops During the War", as it should probably be known. If you're thinking "I'd better install some seat belts on my sectional sofa before I pop this one in...", nobody in their right mind could feasibly blame you here.


"Put your muscles away already, Chu," pleads Private He (Fu Sheng).
In the midst of an epic battle between the heroic Chinese and those stereotypically dirty Japs, six soldiers rise to the bellicose occasion in keeping their homeland strewn with the bloody dead bodies for the nationalist cause, epically heroic cats like Battle Commander Wu (Ti Lung), Private Bai (David Chiang), Private He (Fu Sheng), Private Jiang (Chen Kuan Tai), Private Pan (Li Yi-Min), and Private Chu (Chi Kuan Chun). In any other war, a handful of mere soldiers would be soon dispatched under the might of thousands of  Imperial troops with superior firepower and weaponry, but these men have all suffered under the Japanese heel long enough, and it's time to let their gung fu do the talking. The Japs send in a squadron of Mongol mercenaries( "Beardy" and Johnny Wang), as led by Colonel Hu (Liu Chia Hui), but even these ruthless murderers in Sherlock Holmes hats are no match for the plucky Chinese troops, who have only just adopted a war orphan (Ting Wa Chung), while defending a captured fortress from the advancing foot soldiers, no less. Hot damn.


"Screw what anybody thinks. We'll start a Mongolian Sherlock Holmes Hat Appreciation Society, as of right now."
In each battle, just when you'd expect the bombardment of tank shells and bullets to intensify, it stops dead, and the Chinese and Japanese square off in large scale martial contests. Luckily for the outnumbered Chinese, the advantageous Imperialists choose to use their rifles as short staffs, rather than shoot them at point blank range, which would negate the defenders' many strategic grenade tosses that send any Japanese caught in frame magically sprawling ass o'er tit through the sky in an impressive puff of smoke. Gung Fu also never shrinks from battle against Karate. Never forget that. Several dramatic flashbacks later, the Japanese finally take the gloves off and send in an insurmountable number of troops and tanks, leaving the orphaned boy in charge of Private Bai's gold rings gift to his wife, who he's treated horribly prior to the current war business. In case I fall in battle, make sure she gets them, boy! I'll give you a sec to Kleenex up any sniffles you might be experiencing. You already see the end coming from a mile away, so I won't bother elaborating upon it, here.
 

"...like fish in a barrel, eh Suzuki?"
You'll recognize some future Venoms like Kuo Chui and Lu Feng in there as extras; Philip Ko Fei, Miao Tian, and Fung Ngai, who made a career out of playing Japanese bad guys for Shaw Brothers and Golden Harvest, are in there, too. If you're sitting down to watch this one, there's a good chance you aren't going to hold the production to any degree of historical accuracy, and you shouldn't. It's a balls out pro-Chinese bayonet-slashing, Imperialist head-cracking, flag waving good time full of stage blood and explosions, starring all your favorites in top form (...even David Chiang, for real). Despite the running time, it never drags or fails to entertain. And of course I was rooting for Gordon Liu, "Beardy", and Johnny Wang all the way. Three Wops. Hunt it down.


"There'll be children with robins and flowers, as sunshine caresses each new waking hour.", croons Battle Commander Wu (Ti Lung).

"Men From the Monastery" (1974) d/ Chang Cheh

We'll spinning wheel kick off September with the second of Shaw Brothers director Chang Cheh's Shaolin series, utilizing the martial prowess of his first stable actors like Chen Kuan Tai, Fu Sheng, and Chi Kuan Chun to illustrate the further struggles of legendary patriots Fang Shih Yu and Hung Hsi Kwan against those oppressive Manchu bastards and their murderous jealousy of the effectiveness of Shaolin kung fu, as choreographed by the one and only Liu Chia Liang (Tang Chia, as well, to be specific). For those keeping score at home, Heroes Two was the first of the series, released the previous year.


"Couldn't we just beat each other up on the ground and be done with it?"
At the outset, we meet Fang Shih Yu (Fu Sheng) as he's about to undergo a test at Shaolin known as "Death Alley" where he's forced to mix it up with his classmates in a darkened chamber in levels of increasing difficulty, vs. the bo, the butterfly swords, two sectional staff, etc. He states that he's fully aware that if he happens to be killed in his attempt, then he simply wasn't any good. As candles are lit and extinguished, he blows through all successive comers with ease and escapes with his life despite a half-baked hit by Manchu plants. Waving his trademark white fan wherever he goes, he duels Tiger Yang to the death atop some strategic fighting poles, and after skewering him like a chunk of lamb meat on a spit,  he soon runs into Hu Hueh Chien (Chi Kuan Chun), a stubborn young fellow with a death wish ever since his father got stepped on like a waterbug by two sore loser Manchus at the gambling house, as he's having his latest ass whooping administered to him by the Manchu bullies. Fang helps him to escape and tells him to go to Shaolin and learn how to fight before taking on expert opponents.Luckily, Fang's special baths at Shaolin have also made him impervious to weapons and blows of all kinds, save for one pesky secret unprotected area that....well, let's not get ahead of ourselves here.


"Guess what you're having for dinner, pal...neck chops! Huaaaaaa!"
Fang and Hu set up his father's murderers, who Hu beats to death for their sins, which alerts even heavier Manchu baddies to the Shaolin upstarts, as led by Chiang Tao himself, who amuses himself by capturing and killing rebels whenever he can. The bastard even sets fire to Shaolin (with footage culled from the aforementioned Heroes Two, no less) in trying to flush out Hung Hsi Kwan (Chen Kuan Tai), the rebel leader who's been in hiding, leading to all surviving patriots involved scattering like ashes and regrouping at an abandoned temple that nobody'd ever think twice about looking there for them. Well, except the Manchus, who put tails on Hu's girlfriend and have the place surrounded by archers in no time. You know what comes next. It's Shaolin vs. Manchu to the overly dramatic death on the temple steps, with more bloody deaths in black and white than you can shake a Tiger's Fork at, but you folks at home are gonna have to see this one for yourselves to fully appreciate it, and also to find out if the Shaolin martial flame lives on.


"Alright Shaolin disciples, get into your dramatic battle stances, places everybody!"
I can still remember taping this one late one Saturday night back in the eighties off of Channel 29's Kung Fu Theater. The print I saw recently,  reminded me of the shabby vhs quality of my own dub, with tracking lines and ghosts a plenty. Those were the days, eh? Cheh would revisit the Shaolin backdrop and plotline with Shaolin Temple/ Death Chamber (1976), Five Masters of Death/ Five Shaolin Masters (1974), and Shaolin Martial Arts (1974), all of which also use many of the same actors you'll see here. He also helmed 1975's Disciples of Shaolin/ Invincible One, which also starred Fu Sheng and Chi Kuan Chun. Though I don't dig this one nearly as much as any of the titles above, probably due to many of the fights involving anyone other than Fu, Chi, or Chen looking choppy and uninspired in spots (a problem the studio smoothed out over time, with more adept scrappers handling the intricate fight moves with a much better flow for the big screen, I think), it's still a classic in it's own right, deserving of three Wops on the scale, and coming recommended to any fans of the genre.


"Movement number six, Manchu pierces the flaming hemorrhoid!"