Angillas, there's something funny going on around here...

              We're kicking off a month of reviews of films that take the path less trampled, of course, I'm talking about the realm of the Japanese Kaiju movie, of which there happen to be several sub-genres to choose from, like kaiju eiga, kaijin, and daikaiju, translated roughly as monster movies, humanoid monsters, and giant monsters, respectively. I set out to focus on the latter, most recognizable category of giant monsters, as handled by studios like Toho and Daiei with their long running Godzilla and Gamera franchises, though I'm not ruling out any movies that fall solely into the former two categories. Why pigeonhole yerself, sez I. Regardless,  eager woprophiles can expect to see lots of intricate miniatures being tail-swiped and stomped over in slow motion by Japanese gents in rubber suits, stock footage of panicked citizens evacuating cities, ineffective military units being melted by hateful kaiju death-breath, self-aware Ultra-esque robots tag teaming with giant radioactive lizards to square off against giant beetles and space bird-cyborgs with belly buttons like a table saw, and much more all June long.

              My love for such movies dates back to the Little Wop days of yesteryear, when it wasn't uncommon for my old man to pile us into his '67 Chevy Impala on the weekend and drive us to one of the plethora of  area drive-in theaters that once proliferated this valley in the early to mid-1970s, for a drive-in double bill of destruction that usually featured a Godzilla movie or one of the Sinbad series that featured the legendary stop motion animation creature effects of wizard Ray Harryhausen. As you could imagine, I wouldn't trade my memories growing up for a canister of G-cells or the keys to my own Maser tank. Anyway, we haven't covered too many of these movies to date, so we've got a long list to choose from this month. I think we'll kick off the festivities with a little Daiei number you might find interesting. Remember, Jet Jaguar always has right of way.  Let's make it!


A retro- Kaiju (14) eye view from the top of Big Wop. You ants... look just like ants down there. Skreeeeeooonkk!!!

"The Last Dinosaur" (1977) d/ Alex Grasshoff, Tom Kotani

I couldn't wait for Friday night to arrive, when my seven year old eyes came upon the above advertisement for tonight's review in that week's TV Guide, impressive as all Hell to a little dinosaur-friendly bastard like I was at the time, with the Tyrant Lizard topping my list of faves. Co-starring with Toru Kawai in a baggy Japanese kaiju suit (the quadrupedal dinosaurs are handled by two actors,  pantomime horse-style!) are the likes of Richard "I Bury the Living" Boone, Joan Van Ark in her most challenging role ever (she's got to kiss Richard Boone), Steven Keats, and a whole tribe of Japanese cavemen.


"Unplug the projector, Bunta. I've got you covered!"
After a catchy Bond-esque theme song belted out by Nancy Wilson (the jazz vocalist, not the "Crazy on You" chick), we meet Masten Thrust (Richard Boone), as he's entertaining a young concubine with his exploits as the last great white hunter, in his curio room, filled with taxidermied big game from all over the world. After he's bagged her on his private Leer with a functional fireplace, he sends her packing with a solid gold bullet as a memento. It's love 'em and leave 'em for Thrust, as he's about to embark on his latest adventure: a trip directly into the pocket of a polar ice cap inside an amphibious drill called the Polar Borer, naturally, with a crack accompanying team consisting of Dr. Kawamoto, who'll be gathering samples, Chuck Wade (Steven Keats), the lone survivor of the last mission,  who will provide ample back-sass and complaints and get called a ding dong for his efforts, a savvy photographer named "Frankie" (Joan Van Ark) who actually pretends to be sexually attracted to Thrust to land a seat, and a Maasai tracker named Bunta (Luther Rackley).


Racial stereotypes: Still funny enough for tv audiences in 1977.
After Thurst and Frankie are nearly trampled by a pantomime uintatherium, a saggy T-Rex with a lopsided face sneaks up on Kawamoto and squashes him like a bug before prodding and pushing their drill-ride back all the way back to the dinosaur bone yard set it calls home. The stranded Thrust, a seasoned hunter, loses his rifle in minutes, yells an awful lot, murders the Japanese caveman chief with a makeshift crossbow bolt, pushes around his new Japanese cave squeeze, Hazel (Masumi Sekiya), and even builds an elaborate catapult that has no effect on the monster's flexible latex skull. Frankie never runs out of makeup (months later) and the gang play Hot Potato with a plucked chicken while the tyrannosaur has a bloody battle with a pantomime Triceratops, and eventually adds Bunta to his list of victims, before Wade and Frankie realize that Thrust is finally in his element, and has no intention of returning to civilization with them after Wade stumbles upon the Polar Borer and improbably Fitzcarraldo's it back to the lagoon with her help. In a revolting last ditch effort,  Frankie offers to be Eve to Thrust's Adam (Adam's grandfather, more like), but the stubborn hunter, the real last dinosaur, is left behind with his hairy arm candy and we're left with a refrain of that aforementioned theme over end credits.


"...The fuck just pierced my cardiac muscle?"
Though a seven year old me undoubtedly dug the shit out of tonight's review, thirty-seven years have left me more critical to the mostly laughable affair. The Tsubaraya Productions suit-mation isn't quite up to the late Eiji's standards, with it's spotlight T-Rex suit not on par with Toho's earlier Gorosaurus, but slightly more impressive than the Allosaurus puppet on Land of the Lost, which isn't saying much, really, considering the suit is the best one on display in the movie. If you listen carefully (and you've seen as many Toho movies as I have), you can hear that the dinosaur's roar is a combination of Gargantua/King Kong and Godzilla. On the scale, I gave Dinosaur two Wops for the nostalgic kick I got out of it and also, for the memorably cantankerous Boone performance. Worth a look.


Looks like a Tricera-bottoms to me.

"Godzilla" (2014) d/ Gareth Edwards

Remember Hollywood's last attempt at tapping Toho's rich Gojira-vein back in '98? You know, the one with Ferris Bueller and the computer-generated iguana that sent the schiziest hardcore traditional Goji fans into a frothing rage? Naturally, the backlash of angry fans still shitting on that particular take would offset Tinseltown's desperation for revenue and warrant no further attempts in the future, one would think,  right? Riiiight. Here's the latest big budgeted cash grab from Legendary Pictures and Warner Brothers, a repetitive, lobotomized re-imagining of Tokyo's greatest menace that easy-to-please mainstream audiences will (continue to) devour barehandedly at the box office, while leaving those hardcore G fans I mentioned earlier, feeling pretty ripped off in the end.


"Spock, are you out of your Vulcan mind? No human can tolerate the radiation loose in there!"
For what seems like two hours or so, we're treated to recycled human drama concerning a physicist named Brody (Bryan Cranston), who watches helplessly as his wife dies like Spock in The Wrath of Khan, and obsesses for fifteen years over the true cause of the nuclear tragedy only to get squashed in the aftermath of an improbable-looking winged M.U.T.O., or Massive Unknown Terrestrial Organism, even though it's more of a M.U.F(lying).O., when you really think about it. The thing hatches out of an enormous chrysalis that's discovered when a mine in the Philippines collapses to reveal the fossilized skeleton of something massive. Meanwhile, there's the hint of impressive back spikes breaking the surf, and a few bird's eye views of the destruction wake left by colossal animate objects (okay, there's a lot more than a few), but no Godzilla, though.


"Don't skydive directly into a giant kaiju battle, whatever you do, son.", warns Joe Brody (Bryan Cranston).
After ten or fifteen lengthy snooze-worthy chunks (I must've caught myself dozing off about that many times along the way) of exposition involving Joe's son Ford (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), a Naval Officer whose family is separated from him amid all the creature-based chaos, and the back story of Gojira, an ancient god among prehistoric predators, etc. , etc., Big G finally makes the scene, and sixty years of dormancy haven't been kind to everyone's favorite atomic breathed lizard, as his latest incarnation is grossly overweight with stumpy legs and arms and a boxy head with no great abundance of teeth. It's no surprise then, that Tokubetsu-Goji (my own prefix, I confess)  gets manhandled at great lengths by two M.U.T.O.s, the larger female noticeably pregnant with eggs, before finally tail-swatting the pesky winged male against a skyscraper and decapitating the female with an atomic blast down her throat. In the end, Godzilla, thought to be dead, revives suddenly and makes for the ocean, with the people of the world declaring him a savior, despite the massive destruction and death he's been responsible for, of course, and young Ford is reunited with his family. Grab your popcorn, we're outta here.


"Me? Godzilla? Naaaaaah, I'm just a harmless islet over here."
On the positive side, the cast handles the material pretty well, and the cg kaiju scrap in the final reel, but it takes forever for the viewer to get there, after miles worth of unnecessary jibber-jabber and a painfully slow reveal of a creature that the audience already has a pretty good idea of (thirty plus movies worth, by my count), unless they've been living down an abandoned mine shaft for the last sixty years. Aesthetically, I hated all of the kaiju designs, with most contempt saved for Godzilla, himself. He hasn't looked this goofy since he was seen with Minya riding on his tail back in 1967, in my opinion. I'm done talking about it, for now. A half-step up from Bueller-zilla. One Wop.


"Tokubetsu-Goji want potato!"

"King Kong Escapes"(1967)d/Ishirō Honda

Burned into my childhood memories forever, thanks to WWOR channel nine's annual monkey day in the seventies and early eighties, and my mom's insistance in parroting every one of Linda Miller's lines as obnoxiously overdubbed by what sounds like Glinda the Good Witch on a sherm-blowing PCP bender(and my old man yelling at the screen from his couch,"Look at that!Goddamned fake shit!"), tonight's Japanese/American co-production is faketastic rubbery kaiju goodness from Eiji Tsuburaya, the gent behind the mint miniatures mauled medium-style by Gojira and countless other suitmated beasts, and the folks who gave us stop-motion classics like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Santa Claus is Coming to Town.Sure, the shoddy Kong suit makes Willis O'Brien's 1933 stop-motion simian look like state of the art cgi, but as a little boy, this was must-see tv whenever it aired, no apologies to NBC'S Thursday night lineup in the nineties.Besides American model Miller's butterscotch locks and miniskirted gams on display, there's also Japanese dish Mie Hama, who appeared in King Kong vs. Godzilla five years earlier, as well as a turn as "Kissy" in the Bond film, You Only Live Twice(1967).Add to the mix long time television staple, Rhodes Reason, and Hideyo Amamoto(who goes by Eisei here) as Dr. Hu, the bad guy with even worse teeth, and you've got yourself a pretty good time in front of you.Coincidentally, Amamoto was dubbed by American voice actor, Paul Frees, who voiced Boo-Berry in the monster cereal commercials(second to Frankenberry, says I), among thousands of other credits.Onwards!

"A broken jaw-piece and a yap fulla soap suds?!!I'd like to see you try, motherfucker."
Carl Nelson(Rhodes Reason), commander of the UN submarine Explorer, is forced to stop off at Mondo Island when an underwater rock slide kiboshes the sub's engines while it searches for oil.Accompanying Commander Nelson are his XO, Jiro(Akira Takarada), and ship's nurse/gams, Susan Watson(Linda Miller).Nelson, a long standing "Kong" legend buff, doesn't have to wait too long to glimpse the massive simian, as he witnesses Kong square off against Gorosaurus with Lt. Watson daintily placed in a high tree as the grand prize.The apex ape makes short work of the dinosaur, snapping its jawbone and leaving it to lifelessly billow soap suds on the jungle floor.Kong instantly digs the blonde and understands her perfectly, so long as she speaks verrrry sloooooooowwwwly as she shouts condescendingly at him.Enter Dr. Hu(Eisei Amamoto), who's set up an arctic base around a huge deposit of lucratively destructive 'Element X', in between brushing his rotten teeth with candy, apparently.He's aided by Madame Piranha(Mie Hama), his liason with an unnamed nation that finds the concept of owning all the Element X a very sexy one, indeed.Hu has built a giant mechanical ape off of Nelson's stolen diagram to dig through the ice and snow and retrieve the mystery element, that somewhat resembles flashing lucite, but exposure to X short circuits the metal monster, and leaves Hu's designs dead in the water.Piranha is perturbed that the doctor has wasted resources from her anonymous country on metal monkeys(a crane might have done the trick instead), that is, until the dastardly duo hears news of Nelson's brush with the real deal on Mondo via press conference.

"Happiness I cannot feel and love to me is so unreal!" exclaims Dr. Hu(Eisei Amamoto).
As part of Hu's despicable plan b, he goes ashore on Mondo, puts hot lead in the labonza of an elderly native(read:Japanese painted orange), slips Kong a roofie, and kidnaps the ape to mine the ore out of the ice for him, through the power of hypno-lights.As insurance, he also kidnaps Nelson, Jiro, and Susan and throws them in a sub-zero dungeon until the blonde agrees to force the ape to dig with annoyingly slow shouting.Kong escapes the doctor's evil clutches and swims to Japan, while Piranha uses her groovy wardrobe to put the moves on Nelson, later helping he and his friends to escape, and catching a hot lead beatdown from Dr. Hu as a result.Hu sends his repaired Mechani-Kong to Japan to square off against the real deal in Tokyo, with Lt. Watson in tow as the two behemoths climb the side of the massive Tokyo Tower, where Kong sends his metal twin groundward with a well-placed kick in the chops, smashing the robot to pieces on the street below.Hu, realizing he's failed again, tries making a break for it, but Watson shoutingly convinces Kong to chase after Hu's ship, and, with percious little effort from the oversized gorilla, sink it in the harbor where it floats.Having had enough of what we humans foolhardily call "civilization", Kong swims back to Mondo Island as the protagonists watch from the distance, giving Watson the opportunity to annoyingly shout the ape's name several more times before the end credits roll.

"Just put your hand on it before you go below, is all I'm asking here."
The late yuck-mouthed Amamoto appeared in several kaiju films, from Matango and Atragon in 1963, Dagora the Space Monster(1964), Ghidorah the Three-Headed Monster(1964), Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster(1966), and Godzilla's Revenge(1969), to his final appearance in Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack(2001), before passing away in 2003.Director Honda sat in the chair for most of the genre's entries during the fifties and sixties, most notably Godzilla(1954), Rodan(1956), Mothra(1961), King Kong vs. Godzilla(1962), War of the Gargantuas(1968), Destroy All Monsters(1968), and Terror of Mechagodzilla(1975), though he arguably helmed 'em all, or at least, any worth seeing.Linda Miller would turn up the following year in The Green Slime(1968), and work with exploitation king Ron Ormond in the curiously named If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do?(1971), an anti-communist, pro-fundamentalist rarity that I'm gonna have to snag a copy of, one of these days, dammit.Hama, the first Asian Bond girl, known as "the Japanese Brigitte Bardot", also bared it all in a Bond pictorial for Playboy in 1967.Toho studios would revisit their terrible Kong suit in 1974 tv show, Go!Greenman, as they did with many movie costumes that had become dilapidated with age, but fearing lawsuits due to expired licensing rights, called him "Gorilla" in the three episodes he appeared in.On the scale, Escapes earns a modest two Wop score, but is a lot more fun to watch than that, really, especially if you're in an altered state.Worth a look.

"Mechani-keezy up in da heezy fo' reezy.Whut uuuuup, bitches!"

Doc's 30 Day Daikaiju Challenge!

It's no big secret that your Uncle Wop isn't now and never has been the biggest sci-fi nut by half, though my appreciation for the genre has grown immensely due to the rascal responsible for the latest movie challenge I'm serving up to the readers(you can almost make him out gobbling a Burger King breakfast ham sammitch and secretly wishing it was a retro-Yumbo in the nifty header I whipped up, above) based almost entirely upon the phenomenon of Japanese Daikaiju(rough translation:small Oriental dude in a rubber monster suit smashing the holy beejeezus out of a set comprised of highly detailed miniatures) flicks, but inclusive of American-made behemoths, as well.And really, who doesn't love Godzilla movies?Not only is the Doctor my script-mate, but he's also the resident Sci-Fi historian/collectible buff extraordinaire in these parts.If a spaceship flies across the screen in it, not only will he have seen it, chances are, he's got a miniature die-cast of it sitting in a display somewhere around here.So here's his very first 30 day film challenge for Wopsploitation.You can hook up your choices here, on your own blogs, or on FB, it doesn't really matter.I'll kick it all off with my own personal take on it...

"Won't you do, please won't you do...won't you do...my challenge?"
Day:
1. Favorite Gamera film from Showa series 1965-1980.

Few things are as gloriously ridiculous as the giant birdbath spraying cow's blood hundreds of feet into the air to lure Gaos to it.Few things, indeed.

2. Favorite Gamera film from Heisei/Millennium series:


3. Favorite Godzilla Showa series:

4. Favorite Godzilla Heisei series:


5. Favorite Godzilla Millennium series:


6. Favorite Ultra-kaiju:

It'd have to be Jirass, from Season One of the first series, who's comprised of Godzilla's head from Ebirah, Lord of the Deep(1966), Godzilla's body from Godzilla vs. the Thing(1964), a neck frill, and a splash of yellow paint down the middle.Doesn't get more ghetto fabulous than that...

7. Favorite Ultraman family member:

Ultra Seven.Mmmmm-HMMMMMM!

8. Favorite Mecha-kaiju:

Mecha-Kong from King Kong Escapes(1967).

9. Favorite Kaiju vinyl toy:

Banpresto crane prize Mire-Goji, black.

10.Favorite Godzilla foe:

Hedorah, or "The Smog Monster".So original!

11.Favorite kaiju PERIOD:
Godzilla uber alles.Of course.

12.Fight Odds:Godzilla v. Gamera?

That's turtle soup, btw.

13.Favorite non-Godzilla kaiju Movie:
It's definitely this:

...or this:


14.Favorite Godzilla suit:

Mire-Goji, or Millenium Godzilla from Godzilla 2000.

15.Favorite Gamera suit:

"Nightmare" Gamera, from Gamera III:Revenge of Iris(1999).


...able to leap stacks of Nexus comicbooks in a single bound...

15.Worst villain:

The interstellar cockroaches from Nebula Space Hunter M in Godzilla vs. Gigan(1971).

16.Best villain:

Eisei Amamoto as Dr. Who(not the British one with the rotten scarf, the Japanese one with the rotten teeth) and Mie Hama as Madame Piranha(!) in King Kong Escapes(1967).

17.Hottest girl:

This one's got tattoos and is wearing a Godzilla shirt, does she count?

18.Favorite American actor:

Nanticoke, Pa. native Nick "'E's ahviuzly cahcayzian" Adams, of "Frankenstein Conquers the World"(1965) fame.

19.Favorite version of King Ghidorah:

Keizer Ghidorah, or Monster X from "Godzilla:Final Wars"(2006).

20.Favorite Mothra "shobijin"(miniature dames):

I'll roll with the Heisei-era Cosmos from the '92 Mothra flick, but I really don't dig Mothra or her bitches very much at all.

21.Fight odds:Green Gargantua v. Brown Gargantua from "War of the Gargantuas"(1966)?

When have I ever cheered on the good guys?C'mon now.Gaira over Sanda by a landslide.

22. Who do you prefer, Minya from the Showa series or Baby/Little Godzilla from the Heisei series?
Neither?That's another waste of perfectly good latex in my book.

23.Favorite man-made counter-Godzilla weapon:

The glorious "maser cannon".Anytime you can combine a satellite dish, a car headlight, and a bug zapper into a weapon of mass destruction, you've done well for yourselves.

24.Favorite King Kong film:


25.Favorite version of Kong himself:

The 1933 original all day.

26.Worst Kong film:

"King Kong Lives"(1986) easily.More on this one later.

27.Favorite Ray Harryhausen giant monster film:

The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms(1953).So effin' cool, only Lee Van Cleef with a rocket launcher on a rollercoaster car could kill it.

28.Favorite Ray Harryhausen creation:

This one-eyed rascal from "The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad"(1958).

29.Favorite non-Harryhausen stop motion flick:

Equinox(1970).Dave Allen and Jim Danforth, baby.

30.Bonus:Favorite Dragon in a film:

Ol' Vermithrax from "Dragonslayer"(1981).

"Gojira Tai Megaro aka/Godzilla vs. Megalon"(1973)d/Jun Fukuda

Our 100th review this year is upon us,little droogies,so tonight we'll break out a bowl of Tokutei meishō-shu,and kick back with a real doozy under the wop-roscope.This slice of Kaiju gold-painted latex rubber takes me back to a double bill with the Shaw Bros' Inframan(1976) one glorious popcorn-filled evening at the Moonlite DriveIn(R.I.P.) in Wyoming,spent sprawled across the bucket seats of my old man's black 1967 Chevy Impala.Alas what was glorious to an eight year old wop holds different interest to your current narrator nowadays.It's hard to discern the target age for this,the thirteenth Toho film to feature everybody's favorite radioactive rascal,but an educated guess would be four to eight year old kiddies,with asterisk value for those who have a special affinity for small Japanese blokes in rubber suits,smashing miniatures amidst heavy firework explosions.And really,who doesn't?Fukuda took over the directorial duties for the series with Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster(Ebirah,Lord of the Deep)in 1966,and by the time this entry saw the light of day,he had effectively taken every drop of piss out of the monster,replacing the flame-breathing Tokyo terror with a goofy defender of the earth,and hero to all little high-pitched Japanese boys in vasectomy shorts.
Originally intended as a solo vehicle for Jet Jaguar,the colorful Ultraman knock off,designed by an elementary student for a contest,the producers quickly realized the film wasn't gonna cut it,so they added a second Gigan appearance and haphazardly slapped the most juvenile Muppetesque Godzilla suit yet together in a week's time.The film was distributed in America in 1976,as evidenced by the puzzling one sheet above, showing the monsters battling atop the Twin Towers to cash in on De Laurentiis' King Kong,released the same year,deceptive in that none of the kaiju action takes place in any city locations.This film is so laden with stock footage inserts(I see at least three other films right off the bat;War of the Gargantuas,Ebirah,Lord of the Deep,Godzilla vs. Gigan.Anybody out there know the final official tally of borrowed footage?Drop me a line.) that the viewer might think it was co-directed by Bruno Mattei.The producers' blatant laziness and disregard for the loyal G-fan base was rewarded with the dubious distinction of theirs being the first in the series to not sell a million tickets in Japan.That'll learn ya.

Add "wacky interpretive knife-headed dancing in slo-mo" to the Seatopians' impressively advanced resume.
Goru and Hiroshi, are having a groovy time at the lake,drinking Cokes and punishing little Rokuro by making him bob around in the water in his vasectomy shorts on an aqua-sissy bike made out of colorful cartoon dolphins,arguably the most disturbing toy to ever appear on the silver screen.Their picnic is interrupted when the lakebed suddenly dries up,a dastardly deed perpetrated by the Seatopians,an advanced civilization under the sea who have created their own oxygen supply,manufactured their own sun(!),but require the inventor Goru's robot to guide their guardian beetle,Megalon,to the earth's surface,to strike back at the humans,whose nuclear testing has inadvertently destroyed a third of their underwater country.Let's stop there for a second.They created their own oxygen supply,and later,their own sun,but a five foot tall brightly colored robot that flies they can't manage?And why would an underwater race have a fucking beetle as a guardian monster anyway?Wouldn't a porpoise or a fucking sting ray make more sense?I'm having trouble getting around the underwater sun,too.Two Seatopian agents plant a bug in Goru's apartment,and have an uninspiring car chase with Hiroshi that ends when the dune buggy driver is thown off their trail by a well-placed rear projected fire that he apparently couldn't just drive around for some unknown reason.Finally,the female-free existence(there's not one woman in the whole stinking movie) Goru's been living pays off,and his brightly colored robot,which he dubs "Jet Jaguar"(I think "Plane Leopard" was already taken)is completed.

"What it be's,Godzeezy my neezy!" says Jet Jageezy,as they exchange a soul handshake.
The Seatopians take control of the robot and fly him to the lakebed,where,after awakening Megalon like you might wake your wife up for work("C'mon,Megalon!Rise up!Wake up,Megalon!"...really?No crazy awakening spells or kooky songs?),they direct the bellicose beetle to Tokyo.Or a dam.One or the other.Luckily,Goru has invented a remote control transmitter,you know,just in case some haters take control of the robot,in the form of a groovy seventies necklace that he wears around his neck.This sends the colorful metallic fellow to Monster Island to get Godzilla,which he does with a series of hand gestures the giant radioactive monster naturally understands,and they're soon travelling back to Japan,whose empty hillsides are the battleground where Megalon squares off against some stock footage of tanks,fighter jets,and Masers from earlier Godzilla movies.Jaguar somehow programs himself to increase to the size of the monsters,and fights the giant beetle while Godzilla swims toward the Japanese shores.The Seatopians,sticklers for a fair fight,contact Star Hunter M Universe(!!)and ask to borrow Gigan for just such a purpose.Let's stop a second.They can contact Star Hunter wherever the fuck that is,probably eons away or some shit,but they couldn't shoot us an e-mail a few thousand feet above,telling us to knock off the testing or they'd sic their killer beetle on us.I'm not even gonna touch the robot's self-enlarging in times of crisis programming.Jet Jaguar puts his dukes up against Megalon,but his monkey ass is handed to him when Gigan shows up to take Meg's wing casings...errr,back.Godzilla finally makes the scene and the whole affair degenerates into a tag team wrasslin match between four latex libradores,exemplified by an embarrassing flying drop kick,where Godzilla does a slow flying backstroke into an empty Megalon suit.Godzilla bails for the sea,Jet Jaguar shrinks back to human size and returns control to Goru,and Megalon and Gigan fly off to lick their wounds,the same way audiences do after screening this movie.

Hundreds of Japanese toy company ceo's simultaneously erupted in uncontrollable laughter.Foolish consumers,they have you now...
Alpha released the now out-of-print dvd of tonight's feature in 2001,and DigitalDisc paired it with Godzilla vs.The Smog Monster as a double feature disc,both discs are pretty hard to come by these days with copies often fetching a pretty penny on eBay.There's a region 4 disc also floating around for those of you with all region capable players.If you threw the DigitalDisc print("odzilla vs. Megalo",as the pan n' scan titles exclaim)that I culled some of the screenshots for the review from in the toilet,buried it in the bottom of a dumpster,and ran it through a woodchipper,it couldn't make it any scratchier or choppier.Grainy would be a marked improvement.In any incarnation it makes for some empty-headed laughter and half of a good/bad movie double bill,indeed.One wop.

Two and a Half Japanese Men(and Their Brightly Colored Robot) will return after these messages.