Saturday, July 10, 2010

"Street Trash"(1987)d/J. Michael Muro

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Since some other review sites have outdone me in the shameless self-promotional money grab sweepstakes,I decided to up the ante here at the Wop.It seems,last night while I lay sleeping and in the midst of a very artsy and vivid Lynch-esque dream that involved Yours Cruelly,two billygoats,and Lauren Tewes of "The Love Boat" and "A Stranger is Watching" fame,circa 1977,my odd subconscious melodrama was interrupted by a visit from God himself.HE said,"B-Dub,I really diggeth thine website,apart from the creepy header,and thine sense of humour is second only to MINE.",to which I responded,"Yes,Lord,I knew it must've been you behind the inexplicable success of Rob Zombie as a director,Dane Cook as a comedian,and Keanu Reeves as an actor.""Funny,right?"I had to agree with HIM."Anyway,Wop of Great Immensity,I have come from heaven to tell thee,Thou must raise forty-two thousand dollars for thine review website by next Friday or I will strike thee down and reincarnate thee as this guy's eggpurse."THAT guy,Lord??You gotta be kidding!I bet he never gets laid!""Thou art correct,my highly-talented mediterranean son.He never does.Not even on his own with a box of tissues and RedTube on his browser."Later on in the convo I haggled HIM down to making Wopsploitation a Top Twenty Horror Blog by the end of the summer,or HE was gonna reincarnate me as one of Mel Gibson's leathery neckfolds,but it's still a better deal,I think.You can still recklessly throw money at the kid over here,but I'd be satisfied with a little support in getting the Wop to the top.And honestly,if you need donations to keep your page afloat,maybe you should be doing something else.I mean,I'm pretty broke myself over here,but I'd throw you a couple of greenbacks for a dictionary just so you could learn to spell "testimonials",as it's kinda prominent in your layout?I'm just saying.Oh,and GOD...the header stays,at least 'til something funnier pops into my head.Onward.
Tonight,we're gonna examine a choice product that comes from a congruity between the mind of Roy "Document of the Dead" Frumkes and the lens of the then-19 year old Jim Muro with the thoroughly enjoyable,highly twisted and original horror comedy,Street Trash as the final product.With its shocking depiction of wino stumblebums who drink poison wine and melt and/or explode on the spot and underlying dark sense of humour the film quickly earned cult status among hardcore horror fans.I remember Chas. Balun's Deep Red write-up had cemented my urge to viddy the thing in the first place,and once I had,well,it were a bit of awright,innit?
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Simply the best toilet-based special makeup effects ever shot.Filmed in luscious new 16 millimeter COMMODE-O-RAMA!
The owner of a liquor store in Greenpoint,Brooklyn is cleaning out the cellar,where he finds a sixty year old case of "Tenafly Viper",which he decides to sell for a a buck a bottle,as most of his clientele are of the homeless stumblebum variety.The only catch is,when someone drinks it,they begin to ooze brightly colored liquid from every orifice,before completely melting into a gooey puddle,if they're lucky.Some explode directly afterwards.Speaking of stumblebums,the film follows a miserable day in the life of two such wayward unfortunates who happen to be brothers that live in a junkyard which is ruled by an off-kilter Vietnam vet psychopath aptly named Bronson(Vic Noto)who wields a sharpened human femur bone,cracking people's heads through car windshields, when he's not having violent flashbacks involving vampires or slapping around his woman,who crawls around the junkyard in loathsomely dirty underwear and panties.The rest of her isn't too spotless,either.Before too much time transpires,the brothers filthy manage to piss off the psycho junkyard king,the enormously rotund owner of the junkyard,and the local mafia boss(Goodfellas' own Tony Darrow) when one of the brothers heists his bimbo girlfriend who's too drunk to know any better,taking her back to the junkyard,where she's gang raped and killed by winos,her dead body being violated afterwards by the junkyard owner.Blech!
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I think I'd rather melt down a toilet bowl than pound this fishy hole.
With bodies piling up(and puddling down),Bill the cop(real-life cop Bill Chepil) is forced to infiltrate the putrid environs of the winos to try to bring closure to all the madness transpiring before his very eyes.Without giving too much away,there's an awful lot of madness goin' on here in sleazy vignette form.There's a mouthy black bum thieving raw chicken down the front of his radiation pants,there's a horrendous and hilarious slow-mo game of keepaway being played with a wino's severed dick.There's a cop beating a guy half to Heaven,then hurling on him.Also showcased here in all its gruesome glory,is the finest acetelyne tank aerial decapitation ever committed to celluloid.And when the doorman of the mobster's hotel(Lorinz)rats him out to cops,he's captured and about to be whacked,but when the Don swigs from the young man's bottle of Viper...well,you can guess what happens next,accompanied by Lorinz's smart-assed one liners and finally credits roll over Darrow's own in-character take on Sinatra,entitled "You'll Do Things My Way" before the same fate befells him.Words do not do justice to the cornucopia of awful things you'll witness here.Trust me.
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When flying acetelyne tank meets the human torso,there can be only one winner.

Though Muro,who Troma's Lloyd Kaufman calls "Troma's most hated director"(!),hasn't helmed too many features since,he has been steadicam operator on such films as Casino,A Few Good Men,Terminator 2,Predator 2,The Abyss,and the second and third X-Men flicks.Not too shabby,huh.As a matter of fact,the director of the first two X-Men flicks started out as a production assistant on "Street Trash".Imagine that,kiddies.Frumkes,who cameos in tonight's feature as a businessman who gets melting wino dripped on his face from a fire escape,and you may remember as the first zombie to get pied in the face in Romero's Dawn of the Dead,has also kept busy,acting,producing,and directing,most recently in Slime City Massacre(2010),The Meltdown Memoirs(2006),and Dream of the Dead(2005).As a funny footnote,the film's makers couldn't find any brands for product sponsorship besides Drake's Cakes,which they received by the box,one a week,and ended up filling their exploding fat bum prop belly with in the actual scene.The film doesn't take anything too seriously,and if you've got half a twisted sense of humour,you'll roar at the constant barrage of hilarious sights and dialogue featured here.A dusty bottle of Viper is cracked open and a respectable rating of three wops oozes out onto your taste buds.Highly recommended grindhouse fun!
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"Kiss your prick?It's dripping down the stairs!",jokes doorman-turned-informant-turned-mafia-hit-turned-new-Don,James "Frankenhooker" Lorinz.
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2 comments:

goregirl said...

Great review! Although the cover alone sold me on this one. A toilet on the cover practically guarantees a good time.

beedubelhue said...

Tanks,kiddo!

Toilet horror/humour usually seals the deal for me,as well!


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