B.W.'s Top Twenty Favorite Vampire Movies: The Top Ten

Like the unglued old broad down the street with the noticeably out-of-control cat fancy, we can't stop at ten. Therefore, tonight, I present to you my current top ten fanged favorites of the ever-voluminous vampire genre. Any one of these films is worthy of repeated viewings, and often are, in my digs, no thanks to untimely movie services on the web like Netflix, Hulu, Vudu, and countless other contemptible streaming sites that offer the viewer a miserable pittance of recent direct-to-video detritus and very little in the way of classic genre fare. Go ahead and scoff at the idea of owning physical media like the soft-boned beardneck weakling you probably are, I can watch any movie in my gargantuan collection whenever I want, and never have to allow for unacceptable terminology like "availability". But that's another rant for another evening. Onwards.


Last Man on Earth (1964) Based on the 1954 Richard Matheson novel, I Am Legend, this low budget cult classic pits the glorious Vincent Price against a vampiric plague that has seemingly engulfed much of humanity. A grimly chilling apocalyptic shocker that has been copied with vampires (and zombies) numerous times in the decades since.


Dracula (1931) When it came to cinematic portrayals of the legendary Count when I was a much smaller and younger Wop than the one you see before you today, Bela was my favorite fella, poised, dramatic, and intense, as he translated his American theatrical successes as Dracula to the big screen in Tod Browning's immortal adaption for Universal Studios.


I tre volti della paura AKA/ Black Sabbath (1963)  'The Wurdulak" segment of Italian director Mario Bava's consummate horror anthology stands as my favorite in the film, which is well worthy of placement among the best the genre has to offer.


Lat den ratte comme in AKA/ Let The Right One In (2008) A young,  twelve year old, oft-bullied Swedish boy develops a symbiotic relationship with a child-vampire; rare and unforgettable, it subsequently breathed new life into a genre that had stagnated for decades. One of the most superlative and sublime modern vampire films to date.


Dracula cerca sangue di vergine...e mori di sete!!! AKA/ Blood for Dracula (1974) Udo Kier, as a sickly Dracula, travels from Transylvania to Italy, in the search for the blood of virgins only to find an aristocratic family of insatiable whores and a communist peasant handyman with a Brooklyn accent. A hilarious, campy, cult classic.


Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Grauens (1922) A German expressionist classic that arguably stands as one of the earliest "cult" films, after most prints were burned or destroyed when Bram Stoker's estate sued for copyright infringement and won, but a much duplicated surviving copy had already escaped for international distribution, and lives on to this day as a mercurial paradigm of vampire cinema.


Dracula AKA/ Horror of Dracula (1958) Of the seven times the late, great Christopher Lee would portray the legendary nobleman with a propensity for blood, this first Hammer Studios effort directed by Terence Fisher stands,  for me,  as the first step in the evolution of the character from the oft-lampooned cliche' that rose out of Bela Lugosi's earlier portrayal. After seeing it as a child, there was only one Dracula as far as I was concerned.


Les levres rouges AKA/ Daughters of Darkness (1971) Elegant and mesmerizing, Delphine Seyrig gives us a Dietrich-esque Countess Bathory whose outward flamboyance hides her jaded views from a self-centered newlywed couple in Brussels. A movie that I've always held in the highest regard, as a fine genre example and otherwise.


Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979)  With a lineup that features names like Herzog, Kinski, Adjani, and Ganz, one could almost predict the ingenuous product that would spring from the collaborative effort. Tragic and beautiful, passionate and lyrical, a worthy tribute to Murnau's then-fifty year old German classic and the second of five films that director Herzog would team up with the famously imposible actor Klaus Kinski for.


Martin (1977) Leave it to Pittsburgh zombie king George Romero to tackle the vampire genre as effectively and engagingly as anyone ever has. Often overlooked in favor of his wildly popular flesh-eating ghoul movies, this one is arguably the best he's done, hands down, with a performance that's both stellar and poignant from John Amplas, a regular in Romero's work, and top notch gory realism from FX wizard, Tom Savini. My favorite. Period.

"Bikini Beach" (1964) d/ William Asher

Once upon a time, something like a hundred years ago or so, people flocked to the theater to see a string of cheapie, gimmicky beach movies that starred a couple of Italian kids: Frank Avallone from Philly, and former Disney Mouseketeer, Annette Funicello of Utica. This one, followed on the heels of the success of 1963's Beach Party and the followup, Muscle Beach Party, the following year. The words 'sex' and 'carnality' get thrown around an awful lot for a movie that features zero boobs, unless you count the recurring appearances of C.P.O. Sharkey himself, Don Rickles. You could still have a wholesome blast, according to these cats.


"These studio waves sure are the most, Deadhead!",  notes The Frankie (Frankie Avalon).
Out of school (for something like eight years at this point, by my count), a zany entourage of "kids" drive to Bikini Beach, where girls perpetually turn heads and cause accidents with their revealing swimsuit bottoms, besides the busty Dee-Dee (Annette Funicello), whose full jutting bosoms while contracted under the watchful eye of Walt Disney, remain fully and tastefully wrapped at all times. Thanks Walt, you dick. Keenan Wynn spies on the surfers from his limo, then sends out his chimpanzee, Clyde (Janos Prohaska), to surf among them, as part of his scheme to eliminate nuisance teenagers on the beach, since they function at a monkey's level. Well, Deadhead (Jody McCrea) does, anyway. Anyway, Frankie (Franke Avalon) seemingly loses Dee-Dee to obnoxious British import, "Potato Bug" (also Frankie Avalon, in disguise, with joke Brit accent), who lip synchs Beatle-esque numbers to the adoring screaming bikinis, when he's not drag racing at Big Drag's (Don Rickles) track. Big Drag dabbles in modern art and has a pet hawk that talks like a parrot. The monkey-suit guy also drag races.


Open you, my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things: Janos Prohaska in a monkey suit on a surfboard in front of some projected waves. But there's more...
Meanwhile, "The Rats" are a bumbling gang of delinquent forty-somethings (The Ladies Auxiliary are called "The Mice" btw) headed by one Eric Von Zipper (Harvey Lembeck), an illiterate dope who continually knocks himself out with a karate finger. The Rats also hate the surfers, while idolizing Hitler, Mussolini, and Harvey Huntington Honeywagon (Wynn's character). They hang out with teenage werewolves and shoot pool at South Dakota Slim's (Timothy Carey). At Big Drag's place, the bald-headed Pyramids play surf rock and the guy in the monkey suit twists with blondes in frilly red go-go dresses. Frankie and Potato Bug have a drag race that the Rats try to sabotage, but they louse it up, just like everything else. There's a big gag punch up with flying paint, Little Steve Wonder joins the band on stage, Boris Karloff pops his head in for a cameo, and Frankie reunites with Dee-Dee. One kiss in front of a projected night tide, some corny love songs, and summer's over already. Cue the blonde go-go dancer and roll the credits.


South Dakota Slim (Timothy Carey) is just trying to get a game of pool, daddies.
The story is nonsense, the flat dialog and hokey jokes couldn't raise a sincere snicker out of me if I was hooked to a tank of nitrous, but somewhere deep inside the Nebraska-level corny wholesomeness of this slapdash affair, it works, somehow. As a time capsule, maybe, of an impossibly exaggerated American ideal that Hollywood once tried to pitch to a generation of kids that was hopefully already having loads more fun getting drunk, getting high, and getting laid by this time. If it wasn't successful, then there wouldn't have been Pajama Party (1964), Beach Blanket Bingo (1965), Ski Party (1965), How To Stuff a Wild Bikini (1965), and let's not forget those Dr. Goldfoot movies either. On the scale, a deuce for historic significance and entertainment sake. Worth a look, daddies.


"Dee-Dee's beach torpedoes are wayyy frightening, like... hold me!"

"Curse of the Crimson Altar" (1968) d/Vernon Sewell

Despite bearing little resemblance to H.P. Lovecraft's short story 'Dreams in the Witch House', which tonight's review is supposed to be based upon (though I find it more similar stylistically and in tone, to 1970's film version of Dunwich Horror, which combined trippy psychedelic visuals of the day with indescribable horrors in the same fashion), this seldom seen late gothic effort from Tigon Studios full of witchery and human sacrifice proves lively and entertaining enough to satsify even the most jaded genre die-hard in the end. Of course, it doesn't hurt to have a cast headed by the likes of Christopher Lee, Barbara Steele, Michael Gough, and Boris Karloff in front of your lens, either, as this one can boast.


"Isn't anyone going to paint psychedelic flowers on my belly, too?"
We meet an antiques dealer named Robert Manning (Mark Eden) as he departs for his hometown of Greymarsh, where it seems his brother Peter has vanished, though the audience sees him signing into a witchcraft circle upon the uber-repetitive hard sell of a sultry green witch named Lavinia (Steele), ritual-shanking a sacrificial chick, then getting branded by a muscle creep in a leather loincloth and matching antlers (!) before his cinematic sibling even realizes he's gone missing. On route to Craxted Lodge, Manning interrupts some young sophisticates as they hunt down a bit of strumpet in a cat suit through the woods. These groovy kids and their exotic kicks...Upon arrival, he crashes something of a high brow hallucino-orgy before finally meeting Morley (Lee) to inquire about his brother, remarking that the lodge's ambience leads him to expect Boris Karloff to pop up any minute. He's then introduced to the invalid Professor Marshe (Karloff, ha-ha.), the area's foremost authority of witchcraft and the occultish arts, who likes neither his attitude nor his limited appreciation for fine brandy. Despite the spooky vibes he's catching, Manning agrees to stay at the lodge while he scrutinizes his brother's whereabouts, and Morley's attractive young niece, Eve (Virginia Wetherell), while he's at it.


"Konga!! Put me down, Konga! Dreadfully sorry, old chap, wrong movie..."
Thanks to the meddling of Morley's half-witted manservant, Elder (Gough), Manning begins to uncover the mystery behind Peter's disappearance, and it's connections to the town's current festival commemorating the stake-burning of the lodge owner's green-hued ancestor for witchcraft. Fancy that. He begins having vivid dreams of said ancestor goading him to sign something, then dagger-shivving him when he refuses, with his missing brother and some en-masked cultists in attendance. Before anyone can point the accusatory finger at the chatty green bird, we find out her spirit is being invoked through a zany kalaideoscopic lamp, and that Manning stands as the last descendant of those who sentenced Lavinia to death, and what's more, neither Eve nor the wheelchair-bound Marshe is aligned with the lanky mustachioed warlock looking to even the ancient score. In the end, the lodge burns to the ground with Morley inside, and as the relieved survivors look on, he transforms into the witch among the licking flames from atop the building.


"Lord Satan has informed me that, unless we recruit more cult members, he shall be forced to downgrade us to 'The Crimson Get-together'."
Curse would stand as the last of Karloff's films that he would live to see premiere, famously contracting pneumonia on the set, before tackling roles in four low-budget Mexican horror films, with just half of one lung. Despite suffering from weak script and direction, I'd still consider it one of the better efforts from Tigon, and dare I say, a must-see for any fans of the actors involved, as they're all much better individual pieces than the film itself is, on the whole. If you want to see the same general idea executed at a much higher level, look no further than 1960's City of the Dead/Horror Hotel. On the scale, let's call this one a deuce.


Why, yes. Yes, I would. Flames, ceremonial headdress, green skin, and all.

"Mad Monster Party?"(1967)d/Jules Bass

For horror fanatics like myself,and most of you out there,when Rankin/Bass comes up in conversation,animated classics like "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer","Frosty the Snowman",or "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" aren't first to come to mind.Instead,we instantly think of tonight's fantastic stop motion entry.At a time in the sixties when classic monsters were enjoying a renewed popularity,the duo produced this ani-masterpiece with a screenplay by Mad Magazine's own Jack Kurtzman,based on characters created by master artist and Comic Book Hall of Fame inductee,Jack Davis,who drew for E.C. Comics,Mad,and developed the characters for the animated King Kong television series,during his enormously prolific career.Voices for the puppets were provided by iconic horror legend Boris Karloff,Gale "We'll Sing in the Sunshine" Garnett,Allen Swift,and the always amazing Phyllis Diller(!),pretty much as herself.The film boasts of a lively and fun soundtrack,with the tremendous title track sung by American jazz legend Ethel Ennis.Served up with Kurtzman's usual dark brand of humor,the film is geared more towards adults than kids,with a lot of the inside jokes sailing right over youngsters' heads as they remained glued to the amazing puppetry within.Rumor had it that Famous Monsters of Filmland maven,Forrest J. Ackerman had a hand in the blatantly Forry-esque dialogue,but this has been denied on many occasions.Party? has gone down in history as an absolute classic that remains as fresh today as it was upon release.In fact,it's hard not to see the influence this film had on director Tim Burton's body of work,Vincent,A Nightmare Before Christmas,and Corpse Bride,in particular.I had this review lined up back in the early days of the Wop in 2007,but got sidetracked somehow,never getting around to it until here and now.

The Baron(Boris Karloff)discovers the formula for Hai Karate cologne.
Baron von Frankenstein(Karloff),after creating a vial of total destruction(which would later materialize as the films of Uwe Boll) in his laboratory,decides to step down and retire from the horror business,leaving his position at the head of the creepy coalition to his nerdy nephew,the four-eyed Felix Flanken(Swift),who works as a common soda jerk at the pharmacy.The Baron,with the help of his grovelling assistant,Yetch(Swift),sends out invitations to all the monsters for a party at his secluded island digs that will put an exclamation point on his illustriously eerie career.His sultry lab assistant,Francesca(Garnett),plans to do in the Baron's nephew when he arrives and take over herself,if she can keep Yetch from fawning over her.Methodically,the cast of creatures arrive for the party:The Monster and his Mate(Diller),Count Dracula,the Mummy,The Creature from the Black Lagoon,the Werewolf,Dr.Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde,the Invisible Man and finally young Felix,who's nearsightedness and allergies hinder him from the reality that he's among a myriad of monsters!

Francesca(Gale Garnett)has some doll-icious bobblers,eh,Baron?
As the party begins,the guests are served approrpiately appalling hors d'oevres by stereotypically Italian Chef Mafia Machiavelli(har-har-har),and treated to a musical serenade by Little Tibia and the Fibias(Dyke and the Blazers),a skeletal rock group with Beatles wigs.The Monster's Mate sings "You're Different"(my personal theme song),complete with "Bleeeccccch"s and "Yeeeeeeccccch"s to her patchwork partner,before cutting rug with the Mummy as the band dedicates their song "Do The Mummy" to the wrapped-up chap.When the monsters get wind of the Baron's stepping down,Count Dracula organizes the gruesome group into a lynch mob,chasing Felix into the surrounding wooded swamp.Francesca finds herself falling in love with the Baron's nephew,and helps him to escape.Just when the ghastly gaggle of ghouls have the duo surrounded,"It" shows up as an uninvited party crasher,scooping all the guests up into his primate paws,and when the Baron's team of ghouls-in-biplanes prove ineffectual against the monstrous monkey,he kamikazes into "It" with his vial of total destruction,obliterating himself and all the monsters,and blowing up his island retreat in the process as his nephew and assistant row away to safety.Francesca reveals that she is a robot,created by Frankenstein in his lab,and Felix returns the volley,revealing that he was,also.

Bleeeeccch!The Monster's Mate(Phyllis Diller)ponders her future as center Hollywood Square.
In 1972 Rankin/Bass produced a Halloween special called "Mad,Mad,Mad Monsters",a sort of unoffical sequel to tonight's entry that featured most of the same characters(including an imiation of Boris Karloff who died in 1969),but utilizing cel animation rather than their signature stop motion work,it failed to generate the same interest and has since all but vanished from the radar.Party? looked to suffer the same fate,condemned to late night television screenings until the home video era signalled its rebirth.The 2009 Special Edition DVD is the ultimate to date,loaded with commentaries,a documentary,and other great extra features.In 1998 a CD of the soundtrack finally surfaced for the first time.At the time of this writing,Warner Brothers plans a remake of this classic,possibly done in CGI like so much animation is handled these days.My favorite of all the Rankin/Bass works,I throw it on at least once a year and relive all the ghastly glory.Mad Monster Party? pours an unknown liquid into a test tube,and when mixed with the wopsploitation scale,produces the formula for four wops,the highest possible rating.Highly recommended.

Bearing a striking resemblance to Willis O'Brien's 1933 creation,It has the whole consortium of creeps in its mitts.