"Guts of a Virgin"(1986) d/ Kazuo Komizu( aka/ Gaira )

When most of  Europe and America grew tired of/desensitized by gore in the mid to late eighties, Asia more than compensated, even upping the ante by creating the "erotic/grotesque" sub-genre along the way, mixing goopy violence with fogged genitalia in just the way we've come to know and enjoy ever since. This 72 minute offering from Komizu, under his favorite pseudonym,  Gaira, certainly classifies as such, if not blowing the lid off the proverbial cinematic wok in the process. The envelope doesn't get pushed here, it gets tied to a boulder and catapulted headlong into a granite wall, with absurdly humorous results(if your sense of humor is as out there as mine is sometimes, that is).


He's drilling her so deeply that the Gorbuses of Pellucidar have declared war on his bag.
After a countryside softcore shoot(complete with obligatory cutout rainbows, just the way  you probably like 'em),  the crew and models shack up in a deserted house at night when the dense fog proves the country roads impassable. Here they indulge in power trips and sex games of every type, while a monster(translation: naked mud-caked Japanese guy with enormous rubber hard-on)rises from a swamp and converges upon them. Taking a cue from punk band, The Exploited, sex and violence( ...and for some unknown reason,  wrestling) are soon the orders of the day. First comes the contorted sex, seasoned with sadomasochism, squirting ejaculate, standing 69's into piledrivers, and much Eirin censorship fogging, which, believe it or not, prevents the seedy affair from degenerating into a Z-grade videotaped stag loop. Then ol' Muddy makes the scene...


And with a sudden "BONNKK!", Shimizu realized too late that he'd picked the wrong cartoon coyote to buy dynamite from.
Pretty soon, one by one, our cast is crossed out by the mud-covered monster with mating on it's mind. One guy gets skewered by a javelin (the fact that the murder weapon is obviously chucked by a real javelin thrower isn't concealed too effectively here), while another gets his peepers popped out with a well placed  lump hammer head-dooge, while yet another is decapitated, causing the female wrassler, our titular 'virgin'(if oral sex doesn't count, will someone not named Clinton vouch for that?) and object of the wet dirty one's desires, to go mental; making out with his severed skull-piece, stumbling around the foggy woods, licking her lips and rolling her eyes around, before masturbating with a disembodied arm and finally, receiving a fisting that ends up a full-scale evisceration via the vaginal orifice. Amidst billowing fog, we catch a glimpse of the couple's 'love child'. And just like that, the brief and bizarre ride comes to a close.


Insert stereotypical "those crazy Japanese and their cameras" joke right about here.
You can pretty much guess exactly what you're in for with this one, if the screenshots are any indication, right? If you haven't seen any of these films, Guts is a good/bad introduction, and I'd recommend it for the hardcore gorehounds out there, the sick things on cartridge tapes that whet my appetite, who dig their splatter and sex like they like their Ramen noodles... with some oriental flavor. If your idea of horror is a couple of pale, anorexic sparkly teens making googly eyes at each other in front of a greenscreen winter landscape, you might not be ready for this kind of vibe just yet.Out-friggin'-rageous. Two Wops.


Geisha goo-gobbler pukes Yakuza-tadpoles at the sight of horrible turquoise socks.

The Bukwas Stops Here: My Favorite Bigfoot Movies

Whether or not you believe in some hidden race of yet undiscovered nine foot tall wood-boogers is irrelevant when it comes to the bossman of the forest's varied silver screen appearances over the years, providing viewers with both shocks n' shlock in everything from half-baked mockumentaries to vintage porn. Whatever your preference in cinematic bipedal crypto-primates may be, there's probably something you'll enjoy here. Or laugh hysterically at, in some(most, really) cases.




16) Legend of Bigfoot(1976)

"That's not Bigfoot! That's my wife!" might sound like the punchline to a joke, but it could also double as the synopsis for this mockumentary by legendary outdoorsman and hoaxer, Ivan Marx.




15) Beauties and the Beast(1974)

"Hey Mack, would you mind telling that leg-jacked bimbo underneath you that your bag is slappin' off of to roll slightly to the right? She's on top of my leaf pouch and my magic berries are in there..."



14) Bigfoot(1970)

D-cupped go-go girls get lugged off by libidinous mate-starved monsters(translation: phony-looking monkey suits) while John Carradine enlists teenaged dirtbikers to help him blow off dynamite on even phonier-looking sets.





13) Capture of Bigfoot(1979)

Forget about the embarrassing white Bigfoot suit that belongs on a Lost in Space set chasing Dr. Smith around some foam boulders for a minute, and realize that this movie houses one of the most ridiculous dummy shots in cinema history.



12) Snowbeast(1977)

'Jaws'(1975) in the made-for-tv snow; tough guy Bo Svenson hogs eighty-six minutes of screen time, the Yeti gets two.



11) Sasquatch-The Legend of Bigfoot(1977)

A mid-seventies mockumentary with more padding than payoff, but if baggy gorilla suits silhouetted against the skyline, staged animal attacks, and encounter dramatizations are what socks it to you, then here you are. The much scrutinized Patterson/Gimlin Big Suit footage also figures prominently, as one would expect in this type of thing.



 10) Mysterious Monsters(1975)

That mask-uatch bears a striking resemblance to Rene Auberjonois.  Peter Graves also says "Ah."




9) The Untold(2002)

Lance Henriksen and pals search the dense forest for his missing daughter and his company's missing DNA sequencing technology and are, in turn, hunted down, one by one like animals by what's tantamount to the live-action version of this guy right here.



8) Yeti - il gigante del 20. secolo(1977)

Whatsa mattah you, Italian Disco-Yeti, why you change-ah you size right-ah before my very eyes-ah?




7) Curse of Bigfoot(1975)

This movie is undeniable proof that Bigfoot doesn't exist, because, if he did, he'd surely lumber down out of the wilderness and put his colossal skunk apey foot up the asses of everybody that was still alive that had a hand in making this one. Pure rotten enjoyment.



6) Abominable(2006)

Bigfoot bites a guy's head in half like a goo-filled chocolate easter bunny. Do I really need to add anything to that?



5) Shriek of the Mutilated(1974)

The greatest global-networking-cannibal-cult-uses-yeti-as-a-cover-to-eat-groovy-collegiates movie ever made.



4) Creature From Black Lake(1976)

A hippified conscientious objector named Rives and a 'Nam vet  named Pahoo who hates fried chicken, on an Bigfoot investigative grant from college, drive to the bayou and encounter amorous hillbilly girls, Jack Elam in his long johns, and are serenaded by Dub Taylor's countrified warbling. Bigfoot is not amused.





3)The Legend of Boggy Creek(1972)

John Chesna knows every word to this movie and sings all the songs, you don't even have to ask him to, most of the time. I hear Smokey may even make him an honorary Crabtree in a ceremony someday down there in the lonely bottoms.




2) Horror Express(1972)

When an ancient brain-sucking alien intelligence inhabits a suddenly unfrozen 'squatch on a passenger train, you'd better make sure Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing are on board. Cossack Telly cracks a mean interrogative lash, too. Old school late night television delight.



1) Night of the Demon (1980)

Anyone who's seen this one knows full well, this movie lost it's footing during the pre-credit sequence and plunged headlong into a fifty-five gallon vat of crazy, from which some good egg threw it a towline comprised entirely of insane gore set pieces, but despite game rescue attempts, it drowned in the fucking crazy, any ol' ways.

Mackin' 101: My Favorite Movie Pimps

10) "Creeper" from Dolemite(1975)-
Sure, he was a mere junkie/hamburger pimp in the grand scheme of things, but he kicked his own ass twice a day just to stay in shape. That's gotta account for something, right?




9)"Baron" from The Candy Tangerine Man(1975)-
Playing catch with Junior in the front yard during the week as 'Domestic Guy', then collectin' long ends off of his stable of money bitches on the Strip on the weekends as 'The Baron'. That's pure candy tangerin-ius, can you dig it?




8)"Doctor Detroit" from Doctor Detroit(1983)- 
If ransacking the theater's costume rack and affecting a corny accent is all it takes to get Donna Dixon, Fran Drescher, and Lydia Lei out earning a guy some long green on the boulevard, then there's a lesson in this one for all of us, I think.



7)"Willie Dynamite" from Willie Dynamite(1974)-
Besides possessing the most outrageous wardrobe of the bunch, hands down, this bitch-shivvin', line-blowing, jive-spittin' mack daddy also happens to be Gordon from Sesame Street. Let that sink in a minute...



6)"Sport" from Taxi Driver(1976)-
doesn't know nobody named Iris, man, but has a one hooker stable, and that happens to be a twelve and a half year old runaway named Iris. Also previously had a pony on Coney Island, but it got hit by a truck. G'wan git outta heah, maaaan.



5)"Goldie" from The Mack(1973)-
This innovative cat used a planetarium light show to blow his bitches' minds. End of story.



4)"Fly Guy" from I'm Gonna Git You Sucka!(1988)-
His platform shoes had goldfish bowls in the heels. If that ain't a sweet mack, I'll turn in my mink pimp cape, baby.



3)"Tony" from Demoni(1985)-
He showed genuine concern for the current whereabouts of his lady friend, Rosemary, and even explained how she put on that mask and scratched herself, get it??!! Because of said scratch she then became a demon and an instrument of evil, like they said in that damn movie, you heard 'em. He taught us how we oughta not touch thaaangs, while letting us know how scared we looked to break them. A stellar pimp, indeed.



2)"Tucker" from Disco Godfather(1979)- 
In the pimpin' game, he was through with it before most junkyard rat soup eatin' muthafuckas knew what to do with it. Any damned one of Rudy Ray's catalog of blaxploitation classic characters fits on this list, but I chose Tucker, the Godfather/Good Samaritan of the Disco who battles angel dust in the ghetto and still manages to find enough time to put his weight on it, put his weight on it, put his weight on it, put his weiiiiiight oooon it! As bad as this brothah was, he still takes the pimpin' silver when compared with...



1)"Ramrod" from Vice Squad(1981)-
Who's the unhinged hayseed trick poppa from the neon sliiiiiiime that controls his bitches with wire hanger disfigurement, chokes out cops with his legs, caves in his hostages' heads with a foot rest, castrates Rerun from 'What's Happening?', and sings the damned theme song, too? Ramrod? Damn right.