What would the Devil do if he had control of your earthly body and a death grip on your immortal soul?If we were asking this question to the makers of tonight's entry, you'd most likely spew inordinate amounts of obscenities, masturbate chronically, and throw yourself sexually at anyone who happened to pass you by, pausing occasionally to tear out your own hair and eat it.Demonic possession?Sounds more like standard protocol for regular Wopsploitation readers to me.Minus the hair-eating business, of course.I grew mine out for months over the winter, the first time in almost twenty years, and all it managed to reaffirm was my inborn hatred of the stuff.Never mess with a winning combo, like ol Wop and an eighth of an inch of hair, is what I'm saying here.On to cinematic biz as usual, folks.
Offhand, I couldn't tell you which movie Italian filmmakers loved to rip off more, Jaws(1975) or The Exorcist(1973).I guess the important point to be made here is that tonight's review falls into the latter category, although as a film with many titles, it was even re-released as The Eerie Midnight Horror Show, though Tim Curry poncing about in drag is nowhere to be found here, woprophiles will have to be satisfied with a horny wooden facsimile of Ivan Rassimov horizontal bopping his way back to life, and/or a thorny Lucretia Love doing some interesting things to an FTD Art of Love Valentine rose bouquet in the sack.I love Marcello Giombini's score, with its witchy Latin chants and female choruses over effectively moody incidental strings.Despite being a rip-off of Friedkin's earlier film, Gariazzo's effort still manages to pack a few solid chills, boast of a solid cast of Italian genre regulars, and most importantly, entertain on a couple of different levels if you're in the right mindframe for it.
"For a 15th century woodcarving, that's a pretty uncanny likeness of Ivan Rassimov..."
Danila(Stella Carnacina)is a beautiful and very groovy broad who digs art restoration that's summoned by one of her professors to a fifteenth century church(that had been deconsecrated two hundred years later due to the ungodly sex orgies its clergy and congregation were partaking in...sounds like the Limelight!)where she chooses to restore a life-sized crucifix housing an eerily lifelike wooden statue of one of the thieves that found himself crucified next to ol' J.C.(psst, this isn't gonna go well for you, sweetheart).Her affluent parents throw an outta sight seventies party, to which her mother Lucia(Lucretia Love), who's been humping a particularly sleazy dirtbag(Gabriele Tinti) on the side, has the audacity to invite her lover.Lucia's not even concerned with discretion at this point, as Daniela walks in on her being violently whipped with thorny rose stems while indulging in some sadomasochistic sextracurriculars during the bash.Danila cuts out early to her studio at the university to do some late night painting, when the nearby wooden figure(Ivan Rassimov) starts breathing and springs to life, raping the dumbstruck woman by the warmth of the massive crucifix, which has appropriately caught fire.Afterwards, she finds herself completely alone and unmolested as before the nightmarish vision, but sufficiently freaked the eff out over it, so she splits back to her parents' apartment building, where she's haunted by the sounds of an extra set of footsteps and an otherworldly voice whispering her name.She's inexplicably overwhelmed by sudden baser ruttishness over the spooky events and masturbates like a fucking champ.
"...and to see you cuts me like a knife...I guess eeeeeeev'ry rooooose has its thoooorn!Harder!Harder!!"
Before too long, Danila's hands are exploring her own body like she was Howard Carter dusting off Amen-tut-ankh's mummified grillpiece in the twenties, and she's desperately trying to persuade any passing cock to come give her the spirited hammering the devil seems to look favorably upon at this point, causing her parents to momentarily cease their openly adulterous dysfunction long enough to hire ample doctors and headshrinkers to examine the poor fuck-starved pawn of Satan.Of course, modern psychology has no answers for why she's trying to seduce her own father (or a priest, for that matter), or why she's suddenly displaying Christ-like stigmata wounds in her hands and feet and being plagued by dreams of her own crucifixion at the hands of Satan himself(Rassimov again).One doctor even prescribes a glass of warm milk to the possessed lass for her constant masturbation(!!).The church is called in eventually, and a spectacular good v evil showdown ensues between the horny lass and the exorcist, one Father Xeno(Luigi Pistilli), at a convent in the mountains.Tangibly incensed over the rapid decline of her former picturesque beauty during the rite(her eyes fill with blood and her lips chap as she spouts froth from her possessed pucker), she whips the tits off of the clergyman with a length of chain.In the end, Xeno somehow drives the fervently fiendish presence from Danila as tell-tale green vomit billows from her mouth, collapsing dead himself at the denouement of the devilish ritual.Credits.
Danila dreams of getting nailed.Sorry.
Not as over-the-top in the depiction of demonic possession as similar Italian fare like L'antichristo(1974) or Malabimba(1979), tonight's review still has enough outrageous dialogue and exploitative thrills to merit at least one viewing, or more, if this sort of thing is your cuppa(it's mine, of course).Alpha Video offers a budget release of the bare bones-ish variety, although a slightly more cleaned up print is out there if you're obsessed enough to track it down.On the scale, L'ossessa scores two wops.Worth a look.
"Lo avete comprato biglietti di Subsonica?!!? Ti amo papà!!!"
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