To be certain, entirely too much time has passed here at the Wop since we've examined another effort by Antonio Margheriti aka/Anthony M. Dawson, the prolific Italian genre-master, a long-time favorite of mine, and tonight's entry oughta effectively right that wrong.An atmospheric blend of both giallo and classic gothic horror, with enough seventies Euro-flesh, brilliant cinematography with beautifully framed shots and Bava-esque color filters, and solid performances from a stellar cast of cult regulars to sate the belly-rumblings of the most gluttonous genre nut.What's more, the folks at Blue Underground have rendered all those shitty heavily-chopped VHS prints we've had to make do with for the past thirty years or so, with a long-needed gloriously uncut anamorphic print that's bound to rock yer socks.You'll recognize Venantino Venantini, the chap who introduced Johnny Morghen's grillpiece to a drill press in Fulci's Paura nella città dei morti viventi eight years later, as well as Jane "Je T'Aime...Moi Non Plus" Birkin and then-husband Serge Gainsbourg, Anton Diffring, and even the late Hiram Keller(or "Earthworm Jim", as he was known in Une Vraie Jeune Fille) among the game cast, with typically mint score provided by maestro Riz Ortolani.The story goes something like this...
These must be the same rats that attacked that city baby.(Whoa, G.B.H. reference)
We begin with an undetermined accoster snuffing the life out of an anonymous gent within the walls of Dragonstone, a massive Scottish castle and ancestral home of the MacGrieff clan.His lifeless cadaver is dumped in the catacombs where the rats immediately proceed to snack on his face(!).The current Lady of the castle, who's having difficulty keeping up the creepy old citadel, finds a ray of hope in the unexpected arrival of the daughter of Lady Alicia(Dana Ghia), Corringa(Jane Birkin), who she plans to pair up with her reclusive oddball son, Lord James(Hiram Keller).James is a weird one alright, having allegedly killed his own baby sister as a tyke, never leaving the castle, painting in his room, and tending to his caged pet orangutan.Wait.What.James' apparent madness is treated by resident doctor, Franz(Anton Diffring), who also sleeps with Lady MacGrieff, and when the good Lady's back is turned, Suzanne(Doris Kunstmann), a sexy Franch teacher who was brought to Dragonstone to seduce James.After offending all the guests at the dinner table, save for the village priest(Venantino Venantini), James spurs Alicia and her daughter to beat a path for the front door the next morning, except someone sneaks into her room that night and pillow-smothers the old dame.Lady Mac convinces Franz to falsify the death certificate and Corringa to remain as a guest at the castle, though talk of the family curse, which states that any MacGrieff that dies at the hands of a relative will return from the grave as a vampire, soon grows more serious in tone.
...and this must be the same pet orangutan..wait, that's just an Italian in a bad monkey suit.
Suddenly, things take a turn for the peculiar, as the titular family cat pounces on Alicia's coffin at the funeral, spurring Lady MacGrieff to seal the pesky feline in the tomb with her sister, and when a servant returns that night to free the beast, he discovers an exploded, empty coffin and is given an extra mouth with a straight razor for his troubles.Cousins James and Corringa take to the sheets to get reacquainted(blech) while Franz asks a bare-boobed Suzanne,"Are you excited by all the blood that's been flowing around here?"(I've gotta use that one sometime), before getting unexpectedly cockblocked by the good Lady, who threatens to throw him out as he threatens to spill the beans if she does so, but the orange tabby appears, signaling an untimely, bloody end for the doctor-turned-gigolo.Someone does in James' orangutan(also named James btw),and Franz turns up in Lady Alicia's death box, while Corringa finds Lord James' cufflink at the crime scene.The plot thickens.Suzanne makes a lesbo play for Corringa as the police investigate Dragonstone for clues as Lady MacGrieff herself is implicated in one of the murders.With people dropping like flies and/or adding themselves to the seemingly endless list of suspects at every juncture, and the supernatural possibilities being discussed, the killer is finally revealed in the final reel.I won't spoil it for you woprophiles here, but let's just say it's none of the above, and the only thing missing is the familiar "I would've gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids!" line, and the flowery-stickered Mystery Machine full of teenage sleuths and their Great Dane.
Heeeeey, you're leaking neck sauce all over my new Trussardi's!
Margheriti followed this one up with a slapstick comedy(!), Schiaffoni e karate(Hercules Against Karate) and Flesh for Frankenstein.After breathing heavily on pop records and her appearance here, Jane Birkin has gone on to score herself roles in no less than eighty(!!) films, including the excellent Hercule Poirot vehicles, Death on the Nile and Evil Under the Sun.Venantino Venantini, on the other hand, has more than doubled that output to date, with appearances in three Emanuelle movies, La bestia nello spazio, La ragazza del vagone letto, Cannibal Ferox, and Apocalypse domani among his prolific genre work.Diffring, long known for his despicable Nazi characters,and remembered by genre fans for The Man Who Could Cheat Death, Circus of Horrors, and the never-released Jerry Lewis clusterfuck, The Day the Clown Cried among others, allegedly died of AIDS in 1989.Wrapping it up, Seven Deaths is classic stuff, and recommended viewing.Three wops.
Anton Diffring, champion grab-titter for 1973.
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