Friday, November 26, 2010

"Српски филм" aka/ "A Serbian Film"(2010)d/Srdjan Spasojevic

What's the worst possible thing you can imagine having to bear witness to?Take a minute and think about that one.Got it clear in your head yet?Doesn't matter,really,'cuz you'll see it,and things that probably trump it,transpire before your very eyes when you sit down to the controversially despicable,"A Serbian Film",which takes the recent genre phenomena of "torture porn" and effectively ENDS it,once and for all.Franchises like Hostel and Saw play like "Ernest Goes To..." movies compared to this depraved mound of freshly-squeezed Eastern Bloc filth.Even the late Italian pervert-king Pasolini has been punked the fuck out.You'll need to send your fucking soul out to the dry cleaners if you dare viddy this one.Trust me,I'm not daring you to watch the infernal thing.I like all of you too much,and wouldn't want the repercussions hanging over my head...
Chances are,if you've read anything on the net about tonight's entry,you've encountered something like the above paragraph,less stylishly written in most cases(!),leaving you to mull over one of two gut feelings,I'd surmise:A)I have to see this! or B)I'll never sit through this in my entire life,no matter what you offered me!Uncle Wop is here tonight to let it be known,if you chose B,you'd be denying yourself an opportunity to see an original,well-crafted,gripping cinematic gore-nucopia that bites down hard with the psi of an adult male rottweiler(328,much higher than any pit bull,thank you very much!)and doesn't let go until the end titles roll.Sure,it's gross at times,the last forty minutes or so serves up some memorably gory set pieces so chunky they make Campbell's soups look like water,salt,and celery (you'll be thinking about a few of these nasty little ditties for a while afterwards,trust me),but the most heinous of the subject matter within is thankfully implied a la Texas Chainsaw Massacre,making Serbian's gut punch that much more effective(most likely duping the oceans of sensitive interwebz Nancys crybabying about the movie into thinking they've just seen something that they really haven't.Cue:Nelson Muntz HAH-hah.).For all true woprophiles,this should be at the top of your "Must See Immediately" lists.I can hardly wait to see what director Spasojevic has in store for filmgoers next,although,admittedly,I hope he moves on to much classier material!
Vukmir(Sergej Trifunovic),a pornographer so morally bankrupt,the mere mention of his name makes Roman Polanski itch.
Milos(Todorovic),a retired Serbian ..."actor" who's known for a baby's arm-sized pants crank that never quits in pump n' dump films,comes home to find his young son viddying one of his timeless classics on television.He takes the opportunity to tell his wife that he's been approached by Lejla,one of his regular pieces of silver screen fuckmeat,to once again spear some gash in an art film,the payoff being more than enough money for the happy trio to never have to look back again.The man behind the generous offer,a visionary named Vukmir(Trifunovic),assures Milos to sign the contract without knowing exactly what he'll be doing for it.Yeah,that's probably not the best sign,going in,there,'los.When he's driven to an orphanage/home for children the next day for a porn shoot,he probably should have torn the contract up right then and there.He doesn't.Wearing an earpiece from which he receives direction from Vukmir,he's led through the halls,followed by cameras,witnessing strange abusive behaviour and underage girls sucking on popsicles on tv screens while getting fellated himself,but it's all just a harbinger of terrible things to come.After he's instructed to put the blocks to a bruised and beaten woman in front of a pre-teen girl dressed as Alice from Through the Looking Glass,he angrily refuses,but is physically forced to stay and perform.Then,Vukmir proudly shows him a piece of film he claims will usher in a new genre.A naked,very pregnant woman gives birth in a dirty,Hostel-esque room,aided by a burly bald goon in a wifebeater,who,uhhh...yeah,I'm not gonna take that one a single word farther.He storms out to his car and drives off,but when his vision gets foggy at a red light,he's suddenly seduced by a scantily clad she-doctor type,after which he awakens in his own bed,bruised and bloodied,with no memory of what's transpired the past three days.This,dear Milos,is a blackout best left in the darkest recesses of your subconscious...
Milos(Srdjan Todorovic),in a drug-induced fervor,serves her what she deserves before the lens of Serb pervs.
He drives to Vukmir's estate,only to find it empty,apart from a video camera and a handful of tapes,which he uses to slowly,painfully piece the events of the previous three days back together.He learns that the filmmaker had injected him with cattle aphrodesiac,turning him into a sexual psychopath,ready to fuck anything and everything thrown in front of him.First he's given a naked blonde handcuffed to a bed,which he's instructed via earpiece to beat and anally devastate for being the cheating wife of a fallen Serbian war hero.In midstroke,he's handed a machete which he uses to decapitate the girl,still hamslamming the headless body as rigor mortis sets in when one of Vukmir's thugs kicks it away from Milos' weapon with a well-placed boot.Another tape shows two of the director's guards descending upon Milos' unconscious body with a camera,packing his fudge and mugging for the lens.The next tape shows his former co-star,Lejla,suspended nude from chains in a ceiling,bleeding profusely from the mouth after having all of her teeth pulled out.One of Vukmir's men comes in and forces his manroot into her yap,causing her to gag on the bloodflow,and asphyxiate.The tapes lead him to a horrific conclusion.He is led to a room,where Vukmir and his men have set up cameras around a mattress with two bodies covered with sheets.Still perpetua-horny from the bull viagra,Milos packs coal on one,then forces his monster endowment into the shitter of the other,much smaller body.He is then joined by a hooded man who begins sodomizing the previous body.Mid-fuck,Vukmir removes the man's hood to reveal that it is Milos' own brother,Marko.He then removes the sheet to show that it is Milos' drugged wife that his brother is assfucking.He then removes the sheet from Milos' victim to reveal that he has been sodomizing his own little boy.Talk about horrific realizations.An apeshit melee of revenge ensues,with Milos snaking a handgun off of one of the pornographer's guards and emptying the clip into everybody responsible.Milos' less groggy wife crushes his brother's head with a heavy bust.Out of ammo,Milos struggles with the last bodyguard,whose sunglasses are knocked off in the process,revealing that he's missing an eye.Milos proceedes to ram his erect cock into the thug's brain through the empty eyesocket.Vukmir,dying,happily labels the sickening events "true art".Milos then gathered up his devastated family,took them home and locked them in the basement.At his house,the traumatized man lies in bed with his wife and son,and kills himself and his family with one well-directed bullet.Later,another director and cameramen arrive to find the bodies still lying in bed.He directs his star to "start with the little one".The man starts to unzip his pants.I don't know about you,but I could use a hot shower after that.Maybe two.
Now that's what I call being overdosed on cattle aphrodesiac and flaying your own genitals with a lead pipe.
The screenwriter/director has been battling the negativity,claiming that Serbs are fucked from birth to death due to the country's brutal recent past,and though that's certainly true,it comes off as a limp cop out to me.You made a brutal movie unlike any other out there(for shock value's sake mostly,I'm thinking),man the fuck up about it.From a technical standpoint,the film is mint,strong cinematography,killer soundtrack by Sky Wikluh,who's apparently big in Serbian hip hop(I was unaware the Serbs even had a rap scene...comin' straight outta Belgrade,crazy mufucka named,to each his own,I guess),and solid acting from the entire cast.Seriously,this film,despite the negative press,the investigations,and last minute film festival omissions(all of which,when you think about it,are amazing publicity for a horror movie,don'tcha think?),is a hardcore piece of exploitation that screams to be seen by all fans of such.Cast your reservations aside,put your big boy pants on,and pick yourself up a copy immediately.You might not enjoy it(if you do,you've got some problems,for sure),but you definitely need to see it.I personally have never seen anything like it myself,and would like to keep it like that for a while til my balance is regained.Four wops.
"Murray Langston??What the hell are you doing in the snuff porn industry!!!"


Aylmer said...

Nice write up. Agree with everything you said here. I for one LOVED IT, although I feel slightly ashamed to admit it. Bring on Srdjan's next dammit!!

By the way, "You'll need to send your fucking soul out to the dry cleaners if you dare viddy this one" made me laugh...

beedubelhue said...

I dug the shit out of it too,Ayl,don't feel so bad.Glad you dug the entry,bro.


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