Wopsploitation: "The Scarlet Worm"(2011)d/Michael Fredianelli

Leone, Castellari, Fulci, Corbucci.All Italian directors who helped bring the 'western all'Italiana' phenomenon to prominence in the sixties, ameliorating a then exhausted American film genre with a gritty realism and artistic flair absent from most of its prior yank counterparts.If there's any type of spaghetti western renaissance on the horizon, The Scarlet Worm, Michael Fredianelli's film, the subject of tonight's review, will have been vanguard in the occurrence.Worm is an exigous budgeted tour de force of nickel-plated Peacemakers, fried egg titties, and gloriously gory squib hits reminiscent of the dustiest classics of the genre, carried out with inventive camera movement and the cleverest of scripts as penned by David Lambert; fleshed out in front of the lens by an apt cast, headed by newcomer Aaron Stielstra who's nicely complimented by genre vet Dan van Husen.Brett Halsey, who's no stranger to cult films himself, also makes the scene, ironically acting next to Ted Rusoff(who used to provide English language dubbing for Halsey's Italian work) for the very first time.Masterfully assembled with few visible flaws, Worm just might be the most satisfying fun I've had watching an independent movie of any genre in what seems like ages, despite having the ever-present "Property of Wild Dogs Productions" burned into my psyche after having to forcibly draw my eyes away from it throughout the entire running time of the project.I wasn't about to pawn cheaply zeroxed ten dollar bootlegs of it on Times Square in the first place.Honest injun.Coulda just flashed it on the screen every ten minutes and still got your point across, guys.Just sayin'.I plan on scoring a proper copy upon its scheduled release on December 6th(make up yer damned minds already, lads), anyway, just as every last one of you woprophiles oughta, that is, if you're a stickler for unusual and original cinema that'll leave you talking afterwards.Without freeing too many felids from their burlap prisons about it, the whole sordid affair unfolds this here way...

Looks like 'Walker, Texas Ranger' finally met his match...
Aaron Stielstra is Print, a hired killer who looks like he just might be the bastard love child of Borat and Daniel Plainview, recalls his stylistic and much ballyhooed icing of a young cattle rustling scalawag(he colorfully stuffs the young feller's naked post-mortem cadaver into the cow's belly!) that he catches in the act at the behest of one Mr. Paul(Brett Halsey), an elderly gent in a long standing feud with John Love's hired help after the old man ended up with his heart cut out over some dame. Print, who likens himself to Monet when disposing the town of gruffy undesirables, runs a fine barber shop with his old friend Hank Olive(Kevin Giffin), who was also employed as one of Paul's hired guns in his prime, but had long since lost his nerve and taste for killings.Print, on the other hand, doesn't understand Hank's evolution, and slags it off as the behaviour of some kind of a skirt-wearin' Mary, and not the least bit masculine, though he has grown weary of the bloodshed himself, fixin' to create his final crimson masterpiece and get out while he still can.Meanwhile, a flat-faced Dutch brothel owner named Kley(Dan van Husen) uses barbaric tools of exorcism to rid one of his whores of an unwanted pregnancy, as his associate Gus(Eric Zandivar) looks on, reading Latin bible verses and clinging to a set of rosary beads.Paul asks Print to take on a ranch hand named Lee(Derek Hertig) and teach the young guttersnipe in the ways of man-killin', giving the killer the opportunity to paint his masterpiece in righteously snuffing Kley for killing the girls' babies "in the fuckin' womb".Kley explains his gruesome work away to a cogitative Gus, citing Old Testament passages concerning Nephilim and the extermination of a half human/half demon race for the greater good of humanity, and claiming that the filthy drunks, opium addicts, and killers who frequent the brothel could only be capable of creating demon babies(!).Hallelujah, brother!

Out of ten gallons of hat come fifteen gallons of brains.
A failed ambush of Print by the Love boys results in the discovery of a couple of dead gunslingers, naked and propped against each other with wildflowers behind their ears, by Love's other men.A vengeful Mathis(Mike Malloy) calls Print a fucking turd for his latest "poem".Lee proves to be a mannerless rapscallion, even tuning up a helpless shopkeeper's daughter with a flurry of fists for asking why he was wearing a dress....while he's wearing a dress(!).Print threatens to pluck one of his eyes out.Hank points Mathis and the Love boys towards Kernville and Kley's establishment, where Print and Lee are posing as a father-son team looking to rid the junior of his pesky cherry and seeking employment with the Dutchman, as well.Print proves his value to the pimp when the Love boys barge in, looking to settle the score, instead ending up as more fertilizer for the valley that Print calls "The Devil's Crotch", the final resting place for most of the varmints on the wrong end of his gun barrel.While Lee takes a foolish shine to a whore named Annabelle(Rita Rey), Kley explains the biblical/biological phenomenon of "The Scarlet Worm" to Print, who finds the old man providing sexual release more than sin to his paying customers, and that only God himself can eradicate sin.Hmmm, nobody told him there'd be food for thought prior to his latest assassination.After time draws closer to the inevitable execution, Lee warns his favorite slut to vamoose until the dirty deeds have been accomplished, unaware that whorehouse gossip will carry the information directly back to Kley himself.What follows is an action-packed, blood-soaked finale, relentless in its assault upon the viewer's senses right up until the final credits.I reckon y'all oughta folla yer inner urges to mosey out an' purchase this one and have a look-see how it all wraps up in the end.You'll be powerful glad you did.

"Look at me! I'm-a ridin' sidesaddle! I'm-a ridin' sidesaddle!"
Genre-wise, the venerable Halsey has appeared in everything from Twice-Told Tales(1963) with Vincent Price, to Lucio Fulci's Quando Alice ruppe lo specchio(1988) over the years, and everything in between(even a gig as John Abbott on The Young and the Restless).van Husen has equally impressive genre credentials, working with directors like Franco on Killer Barbys vs. Dracula(2002), Herzog on Nosferatu the Vampyre(1979), and even Tinto Brass on 1976's Salon Kitty.Associate producer Mike Malloy, who cameos as an intolerant trigger-happy cowpoke that eats lead-based abuse on camera for his troubles and provides marksmanship skills in the film, also happens to write for Nigel Maskell's excellent Italian Film Review, as well as the criminally neglected Tough and Gritty site online.Fellow producer Eric Zaldivar who brings the rosary-clutching, moustachioed character of Gus to life on screen, also writes pretty mean dirty parodies of pop tunes(not unlike this guy over here) when he's not obsessively immersed in ressurecting the cult classic 3D western Comin' at Ya!.Be sure to fully support all of their endeavours online religiously, as they're diamond geezers with immense talents, the lot of them.From the instant they hyperlinked me to the trailer, I knew their project had all the markings of something special and anxiously awaited a look-see of my own at the finished project.Needless to say, it didn't disappoint in the least, and judging by the four wop score it earned itself tonight, I had to love the dadblasted thing.You will, too.Highest recommendations.See it...on December 6th!